# Post your favorite Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251 "2009-01-14T13:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/61 "2009-01-15T15:09:08Z")
“I proved him wrong when he said I could not do it” said Tom candidly. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/62 "2009-01-15T15:27:48Z")
“What’s that fly you’re tying?” Tom said caddishly. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/63 "2009-01-15T15:33:02Z")
“The lady who played Sophia wasn’t really to my taste, but the lady who played Blanche was delicious,” said Tom ruefully. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/64 "2009-01-15T15:59:59Z")
‘A Percheron, a Suffolk Punch, it’s all the same to me,’ said Tom hoarsely. ‘I wouldn’t play anything but a Bosendorfer,’ Tom said grandly. ‘…And this reduces to _x - x_, which is…?’ said Tom naughtily. ‘No daughter of mine is going out dressed like that!’ said Tom a little tartly. ‘What’s this, the outside of a tree?’ Tom barked. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/65 "2009-01-15T16:08:56Z")
“I might as well slit my throat,” said Tom jocularly. “Let’s go hang out with Greg and Gary!” said Tom gregariously. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/66 "2009-01-15T16:31:56Z")
“I’ve been working out,” Tom said weightily. “I’ve been putting on weight,” Tom said expansively. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/67 "2009-01-15T17:33:42Z")
“Are you saying that the President is above the Law, Mr. Nixon?” Tom asked Frostily. “I don’t think we can break out of here,” Tom said indefensibly. “What is the name of that doggone star?” Tom asked seriously. “My nose is running,” Tom whispered secretly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/68 "2009-01-15T17:40:51Z")
“I am definitely in favor of capital punishment” said Tom electrically ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/69 "2009-01-15T18:21:32Z")
“This zombie movie got bad reviews,” Tom deadpanned. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/70 "2009-01-15T18:24:38Z")
My Fav. This is the best shrimp cocktail I ever had ,said Tom shellfishly. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/71 "2009-01-15T18:52:58Z")
“What’s wrong with worshipping a paper bag?” Tom asked sacreligiously. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/72 "2009-01-15T18:54:44Z")
“Call a plumber!” Tom piped. “Comb your hair,” Tom snarled. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/73 "2009-01-15T19:00:06Z")
“I am king,” Tom dictated. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/74 "2009-01-15T19:30:56Z")
“I Pit myself!” Tom said self-pityingly. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/75 "2009-01-15T19:39:01Z")
“This cat is not feeling well,” Tom said musically. “I don’t like pictures on my walls,” Tom said artlessly. “I’ll have another bourbon,” Tom said mordantly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/76 "2009-01-15T19:55:24Z")
“I need someone to inspire my art” Tom mused. “This drink needs to be colder” said Tom icily. ---
**Author:** ![devriend](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@devriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devriend)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/77 "2009-01-15T20:48:54Z")
“Today’s Tom Swiftie he gets high on you and the space he invades he gets by on you” said Tom in a Rush “Memo to SNL: Fire all the writers.” said Tom, forlorn. “Turn around and eat your big ass biscuit!” yelled Tom with Gusto “Got anything to cut the scotch?” asked Tom gingerly “Koreans have such straight hair” said Tom, blushing. “I’m the biggest fish in this small pond” said Tom coyly. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/78 "2009-01-15T20:59:43Z")
“I think Helium-Neon is far superior to YAG” Tom beamed lazily. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/79 "2009-01-15T21:41:57Z")
> [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](#): > > I don’t recall reading Tom Swift; is the idea of the “Tom Swifty” based upon originals from the series? As [this _Wikipedia_ entry](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifties) puts it, the books’ authors tried to avoid repeatedly writing “Tom said”, and thus used other verbs (“cried”, “stammered”) as well as incorporating adverbs. While the examples from _Tom Swift and His Airship_ do not incorporate puns, wags of the era quickly came up with the idea of using wordplay to parody the Stratemeyer Syndicate style. [Here is one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=247480&highlight=%22homosexual+necrophilia%22) of several earlier threads on this topic. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/80 "2009-01-15T22:01:36Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > “Comb your hair,” Tom snarled. “I’ve brushed my hair too hard!” Tom bristled. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=5)