# Post your favorite Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251 "2009-01-14T13:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![longPath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@longPath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/longPath)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/81 "2009-01-15T22:17:12Z")
Ron Howard has had a long career, Tom opined. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/82 "2009-01-15T22:20:22Z")
> [@longPath](#): > > Ron Howard has had a long career, Tom opined. I laughed out loud at this one! ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/83 "2009-01-15T23:08:36Z")
“I have fond memories of PSV, Manchester United, Lazio, AC Milan, and Ajax,” Stammered Tom. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/84 "2009-01-15T23:47:09Z")
[QUOTE=Sternvogel] wags of the era quickly came up with the idea of using wordplay to parody the Stratemeyer Syndicate style. [/QUOTE] “I dread the thought of reading about myself,” Tom said stratospherically. ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/85 "2009-01-16T04:48:57Z")
“Seeing how brief your shorts are, your member is quite visible,” said Tom, his own participle dangling. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/86 "2009-01-16T16:05:58Z")
“I think we should have a ban on Tuna,” Tom said proficiently. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/87 "2009-01-16T16:08:48Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > “I think we should have a ban on Tuna,” Tom said proficiently. Haaaaa!!! ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/88 "2009-01-16T16:21:22Z")
“Forget _Alex_ Rodriguez, his brother _Pedro_ really is something,” Tom prodded. ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/89 "2009-01-16T16:30:07Z")
“Scarlett: do I give a damn?” asked Tom, rhetorically “It’s time everyone knew that I prefer men,” said Tom, fabulously “Ferrous…let’s see…is that 2+ or 3+?” wondered Tom, ironically. ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/90 "2009-01-16T16:43:26Z")
1 more “I hate Saskatchewan,” Tom stated flatly ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/91 "2009-01-16T16:46:12Z")
“I really like shows about NYC 20-somethings” said Tom friendly. “I really like the Law & Order franchises” said Tom arrestingly. “What’s the news headline today?” asked Tom miraculously. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/92 "2009-01-16T17:31:59Z")
“Clean out my closet!” said Tom (Cruise), anally. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/93 "2009-01-16T17:51:26Z")
“Those body thetans give me engrams” said Tom clammily. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/94 "2009-01-16T18:15:34Z")
“Cobblers!” Tom said at last. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/95 "2009-01-16T18:45:09Z")
“You pulled my arm out of its socket” said Tom disjointedly “I love reading Reader’s Digest while eating Campbell’s soup” said Tom condensely ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/96 "2009-01-16T20:20:33Z")
“I really liked Keanu in the Bill and Ted movies,” said Tom woefully. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/97 "2009-01-17T00:43:34Z")
“I think the cat needs to pee,” Tom said, literally. “To you he’s President Carter; to me he’s just Dad,” Tom said amiably. “No, my voice is not getting lower!” Tom flatly refused. “No, I am not gay!” Tom said, with a straight face. “Guess I’ll settle for Secretary of State,” Tom said hilariously. “Nevermore,” quoth Tom, ravenously. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/98 "2009-01-17T00:52:26Z")
“I have diarrhea,” Tom gushed. “There’s no more weed left,” Tom said stonily. “Try some FDS,” Tom said funkily. “Tom thinks I’m frigid,” she said icily. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/99 "2009-01-17T06:01:24Z")
“I like Jessica Biel’s butt,” Tom said asininely. “I’m into wife-swapping,” Tom said adulterously. “Have you tried anal?” Tom prodded. “My grandmother is kind of hot,” Tom said incestuously. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Klutz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captain_klutz/32/4993_2.png) [@Captain\_Klutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Klutz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/100 "2009-01-17T09:12:29Z")
“I dropped out of school”, Tom said classlessly. “My foot’s gone to sleep”, Tom said comatosely. “I’ve lost my wand”, Tom said disenchantedly. “The pigs are quiet”, Tom said disgruntledly. “I’m living under canvas”, Tom said intently. “Now turn by 90 degrees”, Tom said normally. “I’ve never been in a car crash”, Tom said recklessly. “I was laid off and I lost my job”, Tom said redundantly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=6)