# Post your favorite Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251 "2009-01-14T13:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/101 "2009-01-17T13:15:02Z")
“I’m sick of this air pollution,” Tom fumed. “How about some little figurines for that bracelet?” Tom said charmingly. “Pump that up and get the fire going!” Tom bellowed. “Oh well, you lose some…” said Tom winsomely. “This stretch of river’s fished out,” Tom said bleakly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/102 "2009-01-17T13:41:59Z")
“My favorite actor is definitely Sylvester Stallone” said Tom, both rockily and rambuctously. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/103 "2009-01-17T13:43:30Z")
“This looks like a Persian market!” Tom said bizarrely. “Mind you, the Arabs know how to treat thieves,” said Tom offhandedly. “Only a German would talk like that about the woman who raised him,” Tom muttered. “Manners? I’m hungry and I’m in a hurry!” Tom scoffed. “I used to make beer,” Tom brooded. > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > “My favorite actor is definitely Sylvester Stallone” said Tom, both rockily and rambuctously. …and slyly. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/104 "2009-01-17T17:56:06Z")
“My favorite character in _Prison Break_ is T-Bag” said Tom offhandedly. “I guess I have to take care of my sisters” said Scarlett, both sullenly and careenly. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Laughing\_Pirate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/848f3c/32.png) [@The\_Laughing\_Pirate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Laughing_Pirate)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/105 "2009-01-17T19:16:36Z")
“Pass me the Spam”, Tom said ham-handedly. “In the town, where I was born, lived a man who sailed to sea”, Tom said subversively. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Kerrman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/45deac/32.png) [@Joe\_Kerrman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Kerrman)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/106 "2009-01-17T22:39:42Z")
“Say, Dorothy, your aunt is a smokin’ hottie!” Tom said emphatically. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/107 "2009-01-18T00:03:09Z")
“That Aniston chick is a skanky no-talent,” Tom said disingenuously. “But I’d swim nude with Carrie Bradshaw,” Tom added serendipitously. ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/108 "2009-01-18T01:44:31Z")
“No man is an island. Truly, no man is an island,” said Tom redundantly. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/109 "2009-01-18T03:30:09Z")
“I am going crow hunting,” Tom said murderously. I can’t believe I have never heard of Tom Swifties in my whole life! Who has conspired to keep these from me for 35 years? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/110 "2009-01-18T04:02:07Z")
Excellent, Nzinga! “I never heard this before!” said Tom deafeningly. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/111 "2009-01-18T04:02:28Z")
“Of course you look good naked,” said Tom stiffly. “I can take all of your huge penis,” said Tom manfully. “My favorite band is _Radiohead_,” said Tom creepily. “That guy looks like a terrorist,” Tom exploded. “Because I’m an asshole,” said Tom leerily. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/112 "2009-01-18T04:24:00Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Excellent, Nzinga! > > “I never heard this before!” said Tom deafeningly. I think I’m getting the hang of it, carnivorous. “You really think I look smashing?” asked Tom bashfully. ---
**Author:** ![MisterThyristor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecccb3/32.png) [@MisterThyristor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MisterThyristor)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/113 "2009-01-18T04:43:45Z")
“You better tell me where Ms. Buzzi went,” said Tom ruthlessly. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/114 "2009-01-18T04:46:26Z")
“I can channel Raymond Burr,” said Tom experimentally. “Someone had his dick in the desert again,” Tom said fucking disgusted. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/115 "2009-01-18T05:13:24Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > “You really think I look smashing?” asked Tom bashfully. You’re good, Lady. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Klutz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captain_klutz/32/4993_2.png) [@Captain\_Klutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Klutz)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/116 "2009-01-18T10:40:16Z")
“It’s the Spanish Inquisition”, Tom said unexpectedly. “It’s the Venus de Milo”, Tom said disarmingly. “This stars Linda Lovelace”, Tom said throatily. “It’s a Clint Eastwood movie”, Tom said unforgivingly. “Let’s watch Snow White”, Tom said happily. And bashfully. And grumpily. And … “It sounds like an accordion”, Tom bellowed. “That’s no upright”, Tom said grandly. “It’s of the form 2n+1”, Tom said unevenly. “I can read Braille”, Tom said with feeling. “I’m doing a side step”, Tom said crabbily. “It’s Heisenberg”, Tom said uncertainly. “I couldn’t hit the side of a barn”, Tom said aimlessly. “The Minotaur is here somewhere”, Tom said amazedly. “That defence lawyer is very attractive”, Tom said appealingly. “Medusa is one heck of a looker”, Tom said stonily. “It took two goes, but I got all ten pins”, Tom said sparingly. “These depth charges are useless”, Tom said submissively. “I had to siphon the septic tank”, Tom said successfully. “I got her the underwire type”, Tom said supportively. “The knight seems to be stuck to the chessboard”, Tom said surprisingly. “I like lawn bowls”, said Tom with his usual bias. “My illness isn’t hereditary”, Tom said ungenially. “I don’t want the small pieces of cheese”, Tom said ungratefully. “That fortune teller isn’t very good”, Tom said unpredictably. “Send the SOS again”, Tom said remorsefully. “I crushed the grapes”, Tom said whinily. “I’ve received an inheritance”, Tom said willingly. “That’s strangely appropriate”, Tom Swiftied. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/117 "2009-01-18T11:13:27Z")
“Goodyear or Firestone?” asked Tom tiredly. “That looks like it belongs in a chemistry lab!” Tom retorted. “I feel like a king in a Shakespeare tragedy,” Tom leered. “Whatever happed to the accusative case?” Tom objected. ---
**Author:** ![chromaticity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@chromaticity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chromaticity)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/118 "2009-01-18T11:18:52Z")
“You made me change the labels on the CDs” Tom remarked. “Dont leave the champagne open” Tom said flatly. “Whats a Tom Swiftie” Tom said loopily. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/119 "2009-01-18T12:40:28Z")
“ENL4RGE Y0UR PEN1S,” said Tom ebulliently. “I miss Miss Fuentes,” said Tom lackadaisically. “That woman is really a man,” said Tom, cocksure. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/120 "2009-01-18T13:35:50Z")
> [@](#): > > **Gangster Octopus** > “I have fond memories of PSV, Manchester United, Lazio, AC Milan, and Ajax,” Stammered Tom. Now that is very good, too good for all those Americans I suspect. “This is the second time I’ve sued him” Tom retorted. “I’m going to tell you a story about a man who never arrived on time” Related Tom. “We really did find this little creature inside that boil we lanced toady” Tom was insistant. " No thanks, I prefer Naan breads and Chapatis with my meal" said Tom derisively. “Ooo, chinese junk has caprized right over” Tom said delightedly [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=7)