# Post your favorite Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251 "2009-01-14T13:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/121 "2009-01-18T14:44:27Z")
This is also the first I’ve heard of these (Tom said initially). Fun! > [@TokyoPlayer](#): > > “I never wear boxers,” said Tom briefly. “And no one should wear briefs,” Tom commanded “I’m really a beaver,” Tom said accidentally “That’s no moon,” Tom said Wanly. Some of these went over my head until I realized my pronunciation was different from the author’s (succinct, derisive). ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/122 "2009-01-18T15:05:40Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > “I am going crow hunting,” Tom said murderously. Well played! 😃 “I have a nosebleed,” Tom gushed. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/123 "2009-01-18T18:46:12Z")
“Well, if you’re Catholic, and you had a hamburger for lunch on Friday…” Tom insinuated. ---
**Author:** ![mikeargo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@mikeargo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikeargo)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/124 "2009-01-18T19:09:07Z")
“You used that excuse last month,” Tom said periodically. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/125 "2009-01-18T19:34:04Z")
“Turkish baths reduce belly fat,” Tom said abstemiously. “I voted for Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-f’tang-f’tang-olé-biscuitbarrel,” Tom said superciliously. “Only an idiot would spell ‘Breath Savers’ with a ‘w’!” Tom said vehemently. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/126 "2009-01-18T19:37:11Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > “I voted for Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-f’tang-f’tang-olé-biscuitbarrel,” Tom said superciliously. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/127 "2009-01-18T21:33:03Z")
“Perfect, imperfect, past historic, future… who cares?” Tom said tensely. “For hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee!” Tom wailed. “Yes, I have a card of the same rank,” Tom [snapped](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snap_(card_game)). “_It’s the ratio of the opposite side to the hypotenuse_,” Tom signed. “Male bees… male bees… male bees…” Tom droned. “It’s your birthday tomorrow, son. You won’t be eight any more,” said Tom benignly. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/128 "2009-01-18T21:49:44Z")
“I put the tent peg through my foot,” Tom said painstakingly. “I’ll just stay in prison,” Tom said guardedly. “This place looks exactly like the other place where I park my boat,” Tom said paradoxically. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/129 "2009-01-19T02:02:04Z")
“I wish Dr. Barnaard had been able to finish the job,” said Tom halfheartedly. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/130 "2009-01-19T04:08:29Z")
“Pass the Angostura,” Tom said bitterly. ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/131 "2009-01-19T05:04:31Z")
I don’t care for Mary Ann at all," said Tom gingerly. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/132 "2009-01-19T05:18:17Z")
“_The Stand_ is my favorite book,” Tom said superfluously. “I farted,” said Alex P. Keaton’s sister, malodorously. “Keanu Reaves took me underwater in a boat,” Tom said subduedly. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/133 "2009-01-19T05:21:55Z")
> [@SSG\_Schwartz](#): > > “_The Stand_ is my favorite book,” Tom said superfluously. > SSG Schwartz Hey, that’s good! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/134 "2009-01-19T05:44:59Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > Hey, that’s good! I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/135 "2009-01-19T07:45:55Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I don’t get it. The Stand opens with a massive illness that wipes out most of the human race. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/136 "2009-01-19T13:29:36Z")
“I am going to throw this pumpkin” said Tom smashingly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/137 "2009-01-19T15:32:51Z")
> [@SSG\_Schwartz](#): > > “_The Stand_ is my favorite book,” Tom said superfluously. “I am the Captain when it comes to treating the superflu epidemic” Tom said trippingly. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/138 "2009-01-19T16:12:45Z")
“Err…can someone tell me if there’s an evil wizard growing from the back of my head?” Tom asked querulously. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/139 "2009-01-19T16:27:24Z")
“Geez, you’ve been hanging out all night!” Tom said crossly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/140 "2009-01-19T16:35:52Z")
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