# Post your predictions about ''Tomb Raider'' **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 13, 2001, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654 "2001-06-13T12:22:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/21 "2001-06-13T14:45:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > > Actually, I think the MK films didn’t do too badly - and they’re working on a third one now. And any movie that puts rammstein on their soundtrack is ok in my book. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/22 "2001-06-13T14:46:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*I was hoping Angelina would try to unlock a door and have to say, > > “No”\*\* _laugh_ Yes, or to try to stick her nipple into a keyhole. My brother was the first to point out that you have to position her just like that to get her to use a key. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/23 "2001-06-13T14:49:35Z")
Tomb Raider is going to suck out loud, due to the statistical principle I have modestly dubbed Goboy’s Law of Movie Tie-Ins/Product Placement: The entertainment quotient of a movie is inversely proportionate to the number of commercial tie-ins lined up by the film studio. Tomb Raider, which has been used in any number of ads for other products, is going to be a very bad movie indeed. AI, OTOH, has virtually no product tie-ins and is going to rock. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/24 "2001-06-13T15:06:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by goboy \* > \*\*Tomb Raider is going to suck out loud, due to the statistical principle I have modestly dubbed Goboy’s Law of Movie Tie-Ins/Product Placement: > > The entertainment quotient of a movie is inversely proportionate to the number of commercial tie-ins lined up by the film studio. > > Tomb Raider, which has been used in any number of ads for other products, is going to be a very bad movie indeed. AI, OTOH, has virtually no product tie-ins and is going to rock. > > \*\* Hm. You guys are right about MK1. Was distinctly unimpressed by mk2, but mk1 was kinda amusing and did well. The commercial tie in thing is definitely a good predictor, though (_cough_ Godzilla _cough_). Probably better than my vid-game license theory, which is only an indicator, it seems. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/25 "2001-06-13T15:12:17Z")
My prediction: I’ll go to the theater and watch it. That’s all I can say so far. I’m looking forward to the release of _Zero Wing_. Think of the millions the studio could save in advertising! Instead of 45-second trailers, countless tie-ins, etc., all they would need would be one 10-second commercial. _viz_: JAPANESE GUY IN MILITARY UNIFORM. LOOKS AT CAMERA, “All your base are belong to us.” FADE TO BLACK _COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU, MEMORIAL DAY 2002!_ Pure genius, I tell you. People would be lining up down the block to get tickets! ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/26 "2001-06-13T15:13:48Z")
I hate to ruin all your fun guys, but anyone who has seen “GIA” knows her tits just aren’t that big. Methinks Miss Croft needed mucho padding. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by goboy \* > The entertainment quotient of a movie is inversely proportionate to the number of commercial tie-ins lined up by the film studio. Also inversly proportionate to the quality of the soundtrack. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/27 "2001-06-13T16:30:12Z")
$122 Million domestic. Between Jolie’s unstoppable delishusness, the general cartoonyness of it all, and the built-in Tomb Raider fan base, they’d have to make a pretty horrific movie for it not to do well. stoid ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/28 "2001-06-13T16:58:14Z")
but Angelina Jolie does nothing for me. I don’t find her attractive at all. Ick. Just my $.02. I wonder how much makeup it took for them to cover up her Billy Bob tattoo? I’m looking forward to the movie just for escapism purposes. It couldn’t suck more than _Battlefield Earth_! ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/29 "2001-06-13T17:19:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ethilrist \* > \*\*I’m guessing we’re going to see… > > 1. Guns. Lots and lots and lots of guns. > 2. Scantily-clad bodacious ta-ta’s. > 3. Acrobatics. > > Everything else is gravy. > \*\* No, it’s all gravity. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/30 "2001-06-13T17:47:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \* > \*\* It couldn’t suck more than _Battlefield Earth_! \*\* I don’t think a raging case of herpes could suck more than Battlefield Earth. stoid ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/31 "2001-06-13T17:51:48Z")
It probably won’t suck as bad as that, but if movies have taught us anything, it’s that there’s always another circle of Hell into which they can be placed and suck to their heart’s content. Sort of a Suckatory. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/32 "2001-06-13T17:57:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by slortar \* > **Good Lord, AJ jiggles when she runs.** Have you actually seen it in the trailers? Her bosom is looking more like the bumper off a '55 Cadillac than anything that could jiggle. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/33 "2001-06-13T18:22:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by slortar \* > > **Good Lord, AJ jiggles when she runs.** > > Have you actually seen it in the trailers? Her bosom is looking more like the bumper off a '55 Cadillac than anything that could jiggle. \*\* On the contrary, I distinctly remember one scene in the trailer in which she wis running somewhat towards the camera with stuff blowing up in the background. Her breasts start to roll with the majestic grace of two bison circling each other. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/34 "2001-06-13T23:08:48Z")
Keeping abreast of things: Game Spy did an [interview with Jolie](http://www.gamespydaily.com/news/fullstory.asp?id=1907), in which the following was revealed: **Q** We want to talk to you about the costume. You have a beautiful body, but there was some enhancement there, right? **A** Yeah. I’m a 36C, in the movie she’s a 36D, and in the game she’s a 36DD, so yes, there was some padding. The buzz so far: Some guy on Ain’t-it-Cool-News [thrashed](http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/display.cgi?id=9262) the film. My take: From the previews I’ve seen, it looks like they understand the milieu well enough, and they are making the film fans want. I expect I’ll enjoy the movie even if it’s bad, because I will be expecting generic action film schlock, which has great amusement value. If the movie disappoints me, I expect will mostly be disappointed to the degree that it fails to live up to what fans of the game would expect from a Lara Croft movie. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/35 "2001-06-14T02:32:26Z")
I think…well, I think it won’t COMPLETELY suck. My only logic behind that argument is that I remember reading about a Tomb Raider movie way back in like 1997, so I know they’ve been working on it a long time. Plus it’s got boobies, fast vehicles, and explosions, so it can’t be that bad. I’m definitely going to see it on opening day, though, since I’ve known about it (and sort of been waiting for it) for years. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2001, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/36 "2001-06-14T06:59:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*Here’s the bad sign. > > Tomb Raider is being restricted to critics. The chicago screening allowed “very few” reviewers. That usually means that the creators are so confident it will get panned that they don’t want anyone to see it. > > The last movie I heard of that was restricted to critics was “The Avengers” and we all know how that turned out.\*\* Actually, it’s a little more common than that - but you’re right, it is a sure sign of epic suckiness. Rob Schneider’s _Animal_ was the most recent movie I’ve heard of that didn’t have a critic screening. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2001, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/37 "2001-06-14T10:24:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\* > And of course, if this movie does well it might open the gates for other, more deserving video games to be made into films, like _Dungeons of Daggorath_ for the old Color Computer… 🙂 \*\* Hey, I had that one! I remember figuring out to hold the sword in my left hand because I could type ‘s l’ faster than ‘s r’. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2001, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/38 "2001-06-14T12:03:44Z")
I was really looking forward to this movie - I love the game (and not because of big boobies either, but for the gameplay!) and I loved all I had heard and seen about this movie… Up until last week when I read the first review. And suddenly it looks like it’s gonna be sucky ☹ Darn. I’ll still go see it, though. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2001, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/39 "2001-06-14T12:06:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Badtz Maru \* > \*\* > > Hey, I had that one! I remember figuring out to hold the sword in my left hand because I could type ‘s l’ faster than ‘s r’. \*\* ‘a l’, actually - attack left, wasn’t it? ‘s l’ was ‘stow left’. Sorry, didn’t mean to prolong the hijack - I should start a DoD thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2001, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654/40 "2001-06-14T14:38:46Z")
Apparently some reviews have leaked out on Ain’t It Cool News. Dunno about their validity, but they have a slight stench of reality to them… > **[Vincent Hanna says, 'TOMB RAIDER is one of the worst films of the year!'](http://legacy.aintitcool.com/node/9295)** > > Hey folks, Harry here Just to let you know many people that have already seen TOMB RAIDER are being forced by the studio to hold their reviews till the day of release. Yes, I have seen TOMB RAIDER, but I too was forced with an iron claw to... > **[J. Alexander Panic says, 'TOMB RAIDER is a Masterpiece of Moronics!'](http://legacy.aintitcool.com/node/9296)** > > Hey folks, Harry here Here is another perceptive and genuinely applaudable review of TOMB RAIDER the movie that critics are not allowed to review till Friday Morning. Lucky for us, real people are not critics, but real people and can not be... Amusing reads, at least. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-predictions-about-tomb-raider/68654.md?page=3)