I have a high tolerance for shlock, so I didn’t feel I’d wasted my time. However, I’d have liked it better if they’d gone for an R rating.
Did anyone notice that in all the gunfire, no one, good guy or bad guy, is ever hit by a bullet? Lara is firing away, swinging around the great hall, then has to land and punch out the mercs.
When she gets the triangle, she immediately goes to talk to her dad. He tells her that she can’t use the power to alter time, because that would be bad. She finally agrees, and doesn’t go back to save her dad’s life. Then, she goes straight back in time and saves this West bozo. Huh? If you were going to ignore Daddy, unknifing this guy shouldn’t have been on the top of the priority list.
Also, if you’re going to use the Illuminati as a plot device, at least make them clever, won’t you? How did the Grandmaster guy get to the top of the heap if he’s dumb enough to leave the power in the hands of the young Turk of the order? Any real Illuminatus would have brought his own guards, or bought off the other guy’s gunmen, or something like that. Anything but actually trust someone else to protect him.
As far as good things, my favorite was Chris Barrie as the butler. Also liked some of the camera angles on Angelina, of course.
The premise of the game is, Lara is an orphan rich chick who spends her time wandering exotic locales for fascinating archaeological artifacts, while fighting off bad guys who are after it before she gets there. Then things go weirdly supernatural in the later levels.
There’s lots of leaping, flipping, climbing, lever switching, swimming, vehicular travel, trap avoiding, wild animals, and statues coming to life.
The game is a great way to spend a few hours, and often quite challenging indeed. The movie has the potential to really do it justice. Sounds like it hasn’t done that at all.
I saw the movie last night, and even though I loved it [and still do], the thing that got to me was the mistakes.
Such as:
Angelina’s badly-covered-up Billy Bob tattoo when she’s in the water.
The obviousness of the padding of her boobs. Kinda ruins things.
The fact that the whole movie was catered for men and every second shot is of her breasts. Not that I mind or anything, but when you know they’re fake, it kinda makes things less intriguing, so to speak.
Overall, I gave it a C+/B- simply because it was enjoyable.
We went to see it because it looked funny, and it was. (It definitely falls into the increasingly popular subgenre “Action Movies That Make Ya Giggle.”) My assessment:
Plot? Character? Brains? None. (But then, who expected any?) D-
Action Sequences? Yes. Could’ve been better, but they were still pretty good. B-
Unintentional humor? Oodles. B
Bad science? Unfortunately yes. That makes me cringe no matter how popcorn the movie is supposed to be. D.
Unexpected appearance of Arnold Judas Rimmer? Yes. B+, just 'cause it’s nice to see Christopher Barrie still working.
Knowing thy audience? Absolutely. I’m not exactly their target group - I thought the constant shots of Angelina Jolie’s breasts and thighs were quite funny, though - but I know who is. And apparently so do the makers of this movie. B+
Previews that make you fear for the future of entertainment, not to mention humanity? Yes. (Not graded, strictly pass/fail.)
So overall, I give it a C, maybe a C+. (LO gave it a B.) But then, I went into the thing fully expecting to be entertained mostly by things that weren’t intended to be funny.
I have just one question: why did no one think to advise therapy for Lara Croft’s severe Electra complex? Really, I love my father too, but she acts likes she’s saving herself for Daddy.
