# Potentially socially awkward situation where we like the husband as a friend but not his wife **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 20, 2009, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134 "2009-08-20T22:41:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/141 "2009-10-05T19:34:01Z")
> [@Bearflag70](#): > > I have gotten no reply to the invite, BTW. > > I’m seriously tempted to just call the guy and say, "Look. Nobody is right or wrong or good or bad here, and I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but we have found there is simply a fundamental personality conflict going on, like oil and water. > > The bottom line is that if we are to hang out in the future, it’s gotta be boys only from here on out. I’m sorry, but that’s what’s been happening here and we were just not sure how to handle the whole thing. I’m happy to call and joke around online and whatever, but we just won’t be able to hang out as big group." > > If he asks for specifics, I would just refuse to get into details as being unconstructive. Jesus. Just let it go already. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2009, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/142 "2009-10-05T19:53:24Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Jesus. Just let it go already. I agree with that. The guy’s wife is a bitch, you can’t hang out with him, it’s a done deal, so on with life. They are dropped. Get used to it and let it go. ETA: But come back tell us if anything exciting happens! ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2009, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/143 "2009-10-05T19:54:19Z")
Thanks for keeping me in check. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/144 "2009-10-06T13:03:00Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > I’ll help you hide the body, but I wouldn’t help that witch move shit. No one deserves that stress. Nope - I can’t get behind it. When you help a friend move, you get to take a lot of power away from her. “Hey - it takes two people to move this couch. Either shut the fuck up and let us get it up the stairs, or I’m out of here and you get to ruin your manicure.” You can blame a lot of things on the stress of the day - cussing her out, accidentally running into her when you’re carrying a box or two, leaving her on the side of the road… ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/145 "2009-10-06T16:58:59Z")
Well? How was MNF? I take it he never showed up? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/146 "2009-10-06T19:51:24Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Nope - I can’t get behind it. When you help a friend move, you get to take a lot of power away from her. “Hey - it takes two people to move this couch. Either shut the fuck up and let us get it up the stairs, or I’m out of here and you get to ruin your manicure.” You can blame a lot of things on the stress of the day - cussing her out, accidentally running into her when you’re carrying a box or two, leaving her on the side of the road… …backing over her with the moving van… Hey, you’re right! I retract my previous post. You should definitely have helped the guy [del]hide the body[/del] move. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/147 "2009-10-06T19:56:14Z")
He never responded to the invite and I had to cancel due to work. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/148 "2009-10-07T03:29:36Z")
The hubby finally posted to our FB thread about MNF after I said we have many more weeks of football left. He says he’s ready to go. Interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/149 "2009-10-07T06:35:31Z")
He seems to really respond to football. Maybe you should use that as a lever to pry him from his wife (or more like, pry her from him). ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/150 "2009-10-07T12:54:51Z")
If he attends MNF and never brings it up, you’re off the hook. If he does bring it up and genuinely seems to be searching for answers, I stand by my advice to be honest but not cruel. No one wants to be the guy who has to tell a friend that his breath could knock over a camel. But in the long run, it’s far kinder to be honest and risk hurting his feelings, than to be silent and let him continue on oblivious as to why people are avoiding him. And I never suggested writing an email. With interpersonal relationships, I always advise speaking in person (ideally) or picking up the phone if in-person isn’t workable. Tone and body language are good indicators that someone is taking offense, or not, and you can edit your remarks and/or steer the conversation to safe harbors as needed. You can’t do that in an email. Of course, I doubt he’ll show up for MNF at all. ---
**Author:** ![JFLuvly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ac91a4/32.png) [@JFLuvly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JFLuvly)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/151 "2009-10-28T15:07:34Z")
Well? It’s been three weeks, what happened? ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/152 "2009-10-28T15:43:03Z")
Nothing to report really. We were all set to go to MNF but I had to cancel. In response to the cancellation, the husband wrote back saying he wanted to go. I have not had time to reschedule and no real communication has taken place since. I guess we are just doing our own things lately. No Facebook posts of note. I sent the semi-husband a humorous video the other day with no commentary and no response back. My sending a simple video sans commentary was as if to say, “I know you are still there, and I don’t hate you, but I’m not having a big conversation with you either.” ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/153 "2009-10-28T15:54:29Z")
> [@Bearflag70](#): > > I sent the semi-husband a humorous video the other day that should be semi-humorous, not semi-husband. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/154 "2009-10-28T16:00:10Z")
> [@Bearflag70](#): > > that should be semi-humorous, not semi-husband. Freudian slip. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/155 "2011-02-25T02:14:31Z")
Some time ago, the nasty wife sent a Facebook note asking if we all wanted to hang out. Instead of wrestling with the awkwardness of it all, my wife wrote her back and let her know the friendship is just not working out. Nasty wife got pissy and then they both unfriended us on Facebook. Done deal. ---
**Author:** ![JFLuvly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ac91a4/32.png) [@JFLuvly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JFLuvly)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/156 "2011-02-25T02:37:44Z")
Well that sucks, I got all excited when I seen a new post. Thanks for the update anyway! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2011, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/157 "2011-02-25T03:24:33Z")
You said she’s been acting this way since before they got married (wedding dress over house). He knew what he was getting in to. Is he unattractive? How attractive is she? Either way- he knew what he was getting in to. And if he allows himself to have a child with this woman he’s only getting in deeper. It’s hard to feel any sympathy for him. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2011, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/158 "2011-02-25T04:02:57Z")
I almost forgot. I started getting trojan horse emails from him. As a favor to him, I wrote him to let him know so he can check his computer for a virus. He didn’t respond, so I wrote a nice email to his nasty wife’s work email to let her know that she might want to protect her personal computer. She wrote back and bitched at me for writing to her at work. The husband then got my initial email to him and he thanked me for letting him know. He was very cordial. I replied that I was sorry that the situation wasn’t handled better and said if he ever wanted to just grab a beer, just the two of us, then just let me know. I never heard back from him. If and when he gets a divorce, maybe he’ll call. What do they look like… she looks like a little troll, honestly. He would be a decent looking chap if he lost his big gut. He’s also previously divorced. Our theory is that he is locked into this relationship probably out of fear of having no relationship at all. My sympathy for him is based upon his apparent inability to overcome his personal insecurities and let the bitch go. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2011, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/159 "2011-02-25T04:10:36Z")
So she has absolutely no redeeming features? Physical, mental or otherwise? Makes me question the guy’s evaluation of his own worth. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134/160 "2011-02-25T04:13:10Z")
Exactly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-socially-awkward-situation-where-we-like-the-husband-as-a-friend-but-not-his-wife/507134.md?page=9)