# Potentially sticky romantic dilemma **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2014, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570 "2014-02-17T23:58:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/1 "2014-02-17T23:58:12Z")
On Valentine’s Day, a “friend” posted on her Timeline, implying she was looking for a relationship. I messaged her, suggesting that we give it a shot. We may get together over Spring Break (March). It gets complicated because we’ve only communicated on Facebook lately, after being school friends 15 years ago. We agree to go slow, as we’re vastly different people now. When we knew each other better, I was in a dysfunctional relationship with her friend. (I’m 4 yrs older) Truth be told, I was tempted to dump the gf for her friend. This friend has died, so there’s that dynamic, of possible “betrayal”. I’m unsure she even remembers the drama from back then. I plan to ask her about it. tl;dr Contemplating dating late girlfriend’s friend. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/2 "2014-02-18T00:20:52Z")
When I mentioned it, she replied that it wasn’t until I brought it up that she thought about it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/3 "2014-02-18T00:21:02Z")
As long as you weren’t involved, _even tangentially_ in the first girl’s death, I think you’re cool. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/4 "2014-02-18T00:24:39Z")
We had lost touch, she died of natural causes. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/5 "2014-02-18T00:37:57Z")
I don’t see any betrayal. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/6 "2014-02-18T00:39:58Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > I don’t see any betrayal. Me neither. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/7 "2014-02-18T00:43:21Z")
Ok, I tend to overthink romantic situations. I also may have scared her off. The cart and horse got a little far apart. I hope it works out. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/8 "2014-02-18T01:09:51Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Truth be told, I was tempted to dump the gf for her friend. This friend has died, so there’s that dynamic, of possible “betrayal”. I’m unsure she even remembers the drama from back then. I plan to ask her about it. What could possibly go wrong? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/9 "2014-02-18T01:16:31Z")
Make sure not to mix the names up. Girls hate being called the name of their dead friend by the dead friend’s ex BF. Oops. I guess I jinxed it now, huh? ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/10 "2014-02-18T01:23:38Z")
AH- That won’t happen…BUT I did evidently have Freudian slips, calling the deceased one by an ex’s name. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/11 "2014-02-18T14:14:01Z")
Know what girls love? Listening to their date talk about their ex-girlfriends, even the dead ones. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/12 "2014-02-18T14:50:28Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Know what girls love? Listening to their date talk about their ex-girlfriends, even the dead ones. You don’t need to talk about her. Just when you go on a date, ask for a table for three, pull out an empty chair long enough for the dead ex to sit down, and include her in the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/13 "2014-02-18T14:54:06Z")
I’ll go along with the flow here - I don’t see a problem. Don’t bring up the late lady yourself, but if she broaches the subject, respond with compassion. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/14 "2014-02-18T15:07:12Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > I also may have scared her off. Why do you think that already? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/15 "2014-02-18T15:14:06Z")
First of all, “sticky” is a word best avoided in the area of romance. synonyms:awkward, difficult, tricky, ticklish, problematic, delicate, touch-and-go, touchy, embarrassing, sensitive, uncomfortable; etc. And _that’s_ why they call me Lance Romance.😛 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/16 "2014-02-18T15:18:39Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > I’m unsure she even remembers the drama from back then. I plan to ask her about it. _the following is blatantly stolen from shitmydadsays from 2009_ “Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.” ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/17 "2014-02-18T15:39:24Z")
Cinnamon- I kinda jumped the gun about expectations Count-Captain Kirk is a wise man. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/18 "2014-02-18T16:08:18Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Cinnamon- I kinda jumped the gun about expectations Did you tell her you’d already booked a hotel? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/19 "2014-02-18T16:19:06Z")
“But it has two beds!” ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570/20 "2014-02-18T18:14:53Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > On Valentine’s Day, a “friend” posted on her Timeline, implying she was looking for a relationship. I messaged her, suggesting that we give it a shot. We may get together over Spring Break (March). Reading this, it is unclear as to what her response was to you asking her out. What did she say? Did she give you a “maybe” answer? A definitive “yes”? What? I’m sensing no definitive answer here. Which makes me think all this hand-wringing and nervousness is \*a bit \*premature. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/potentially-sticky-romantic-dilemma/681570.md?page=2)