Thanks, Zette. I totally know where you’re coming from on that whole “just say sorry” thing, and that’s what I usually do. I only called her on it this time because I’m starting to get the feeling that she’s causing all of those “personal problems” herself, with her own crummy behavior.
Her response was to tell me to MYOB and to inform me that I’m rude, mean, and inconsiderate. Oh, and she’s always thought so, but is just now getting around to telling me.
To keep this IMHO, I’ll give my opinions:
Everyone needs to be able to laugh at themselves a little. People who can never take any bit of embarrassment are too self-important to be bothered with, in many cases. (The people who cringe at all embarrassment, like DaddyTimesTwo, are a different matter, usually.)
If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out–and don’t laugh right up until the time it turns out the joke is on you. It’s called being a poor sport.
I think men tend to have thicker skin, whereas women are more concerned about perceived slights. Women worry more about hurting feelings. Maybe that accounts for the difference.
If your practical joke is motivated by meanness, you should probably be spending your energy trying to communicate more constructively with the target about why you’re feeling hostile towards them.
And, I guess, if you play one, even on someone you know really well, be prepared to lose a friendship over it.
Sure. Quite frankly I didn’t like being singled out as the object of this thread when I was just trying to give a helpful opinion. I mean I like helping people by giving my opinions here, but I don’t want to be picked on for it. I’m offended and embarrassed, and I stayed up all night thinking about this. Why don’t you pick on whoever makes the next post instead!
This is a strange situation. I’ve had people get this mad about my teasing, but only as a practical joke in of itself (see above for an example, you might want to watch your flank.:)) More likely, is it possible that Amy has some sort of investment in how Alex sees her?
I withdraw my point about embarrassment, in this case, though I think it is valid in other cases. The fact that she’s participated in many other practical jokes but doesn’t find it funny when turned on her is telling.
I’m a firm believer in the “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it” view. I would give her the benefit of the doubt, in that she may not have understood completely how to empathise with others. At this point, I’d call her a little niave. If she continues to help you play practical jokes, now knowing she’d hate it done to her, I’d probably (personally) consider her less niave and more an immature vindictive bitch, though YMMV
I still stand by my other point about different senses of humour. It’s amazing what some people will find funny for different reasons (e.g, the 9/11 thread, dead baby jokes. etc -> definitely not funny to a lot of people, but not all)
I like practical jokes, but I only pull them on people I’m close to. Most of my friends like them too, and we pulll them on each other all the time. Of course, the fact that I live in a fraternity house with twenty other guys kinda helps. For instance, once, five of us went into one guys room, and put his bed onto his ceiling. We tied the mattress to the frame with fishline, and even managed to get his GF’s stuffed animal up there too. Oh, and then there is this little beauty
Q.N. Jones, there’s an idea I’ve just had: you don’t think that Amy’s actually pulling one on you by pretending to be incredibly offended when she in fact isn’t?
My brother and I pulled this same one on a friend a couple of years ago - she sent a lame joke, he deliberately overreacted, I lied and told her I she had been needlessly offensive to him, etc. etc. (it got out of hand and ended up with her being convinced he was having a psychotic episode, so we had to relent and tell her).
cornflakes, maybe you thought it was lame, but it gave me the first laugh I’ve had in a couple of days. Thanks.
jjimm, it’s definitely no joke. She’s since said that I had malicious intentions and that I’m either mean or insane to think that was funny. I told her we weren’t friends anymore. We’re no longer on speaking terms.
Alex emailed this morning. He LOVED the joke! He told me it made his day because he’s the only guy in the band without a girlfriend and it makes it sound like a nurse is after his hot body. He’s hoping it gives him a rep with the other guys. He would have said so sooner, but his email server was down and he didn’t get the message until this morning. He even said he thought Amy should stop being mad at me.
Truthfully, all I feel is relief at having confirmation that I’m not the one who’s been in the wrong. But I don’t think I’ll be playing anymore practical jokes for a long time. Maybe ever.
Q.N. I was going on the assumption you’re a man. I make that mistake sometimes. That could play a small part of it though because coming from a woman it seems more hurtful then from a man… I know this because I have been the result of jokes and I find I can take them slightly better from a guy because, well because coming from another woman you get more sensitive to stuff I find. Men are generally oblivious to undertones that women pick up and sometimes when on the recieving end women read things that aren’t there from another woman because you expect them to know better.
Ah I’m just rambling, but this is just a general observation from my experiences with practical jokes.
1> I definately think that Amy is over-reacting. This wasn’t even a malicious joke, merely a rehashing of a few old jokes.
2> I don’t think practical jokes are cruel. Nor do I think you are “laughing at others pain.” as others have mentioned. A good practical joke does not put a person in pain, more like a situation where they are perplexed at some odd situation. It doesn’t have to be painful or even objectionable, wierd will do.
3> Playing a practical joke better damn well mean you’re a good sport when they are done to you.
4> Being a mark usually means the people playing it on you consider you a good sport, have good humor, and a good friend. Most people don’t bother with people that they don’t know that well. So having one played on you is even a bit of an honor. (An exception to the rule being that you are the ONLY one anybody ever plays jokes on. That just makes you the butt.)
5> I have played several practical jokes. None of them have I lost any friendships over. One I am not very proud of, but a friend and I played over and over again. (In fact, we got so good, he didn’t have to tell me he was doing it. He would just enact the process and I’d be able to follow through with my part.) It was the most mean spirited thing I’ve ever been a part of, and even then, when people found out. They couldn’t wait to do it to somebody else. What that says about people I don’t know, but the point is, we purposely never did it to anybody who we didn’t think would be able to handle it, or would get genuinely upset. Pick your marks well.
In this particular case, I refer to #1. Amy is way over-reacting for the nature of this joke. Perhaps if she had issues it would have been best for another time. But regardless, this wasn’t even a practical joke, or barely one. Just something that was an inside joke between friends.
For anyone interested: Amy has sent a couple of conciliatory emails today. I do not think our friendship will ever be the same, though.
As for her reasons for the freak-out: she’s saying it’s a simple case of me misunderstanding her emails. I thought she was daring me to post something. She thought she was warning me off. So if she has some other, secret reason for being angry, we’ll never know.
Don’t worry about mistaking me for a man, Obsidian–I think I have one of those misleading screen names. I would’ve been better off with my first names: Quicksilver Nefertiti.
I agree that this was just barely a practical joke. I classify it that way it shares certain qualities with them: a certain amount of embarrassment or confusion at an odd situation which would make everyone laugh later. (Or not.)
It’s strange–such a little thing provoked a much bigger reaction on both sides than I expected. Alex LOVED it way more than I thought he would. It apparently hit all the right buttons with him–many of them buttons I didn’t know he had. Amy HATED it more than I thought possible. It hit all the wrong buttons with her–again, sensitivities that I had no clue about.
I should’ve known my marks better. That’s where I messed up.
Sorry, lame as it was I couldn’t resist.