# 'Practical Spanish' dystopian hellscape: WTF? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 12, 2016, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356 "2016-10-12T20:50:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2016, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/1 "2016-10-12T20:50:06Z")
So, I thought it would be a good idea to try to learn a little Spanish in odd moments at the computer. I’ve studied French and Latin so I can sort of read easy Spanish phrases already. I decided to practice a bit on some basic beginner student readings, and Google suggested [learnpracticalspanishonline.com](http://learnpracticalspanishonline.com). :eek: 😕 Is this some kind of prank? [These Beginner Practice Readings](http://www.learnpracticalspanishonline.com/beginner/beginner-readings.html) make _1984_ look like _Little House on the Prairie_. The crescendo of existential despair starts off subtly: Ana and her family are doing okay, except her mechanic husband has to moonlight as a dishwasher on weekends. Carolina is exhausted from grueling 12-hour days at the call center and is losing touch with her friends. Francisco’s new home, the best he can afford, is a filthy dump. Miguel has just been detained by airport security, while Andres got blackout drunk and woke up in a strange apartment without his medicine (or his pants). The basketball team is losing a soccer match and their coach is too drunk to realize it? The unemployed and desperate Jorge has just withdrawn the last of his savings when robbers burst into the bank. Paul must abandon his car in a traffic jam or risk missing his crucial interview. Jacobo seriously injures himself trying to rescue a neighbor’s cat; Diego’s dumping Renata hardly registers against the general background of universal misery. Marcelo and Chris are hopelessly lost, and Rodrigo is a heroin addict. The only person in the whole shebang who seems reasonably content is Sangeeta in New Delhi, and it’s probably going to turn out that her brother who’s away in Australia has been eaten by a shark. Is the author just trolling, or do they actually want introductory Spanish students permanently plunged into suicidal gloom? Are they Trumpian nativists, or perhaps left-wing reformers, trying to spread a message about the incessant trauma and indignity of Spanish speakers’ lives? Do language learners these days actually enjoy reading this stuff? :dubious: And can somebody point me to some nice bland online Spanish reading exercises about the pen of the gardener’s aunt? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2016, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/2 "2016-10-12T21:11:57Z")
What ever the hell is going on I laughed… ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2016, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/3 "2016-10-12T22:01:15Z")
Boy, all I ever got in first year Spanish was _¡Vamos a la biblioteca!_ and _¿Donde está Imán? ¡Aquí está!_ ---
**Author:** ![SacFly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SacFly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SacFly)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2016, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/4 "2016-10-12T22:13:16Z")
It’s not reading, but [Duolingo.com](http://Duolingo.com) is an excellent online language learning site. It’s run by Carnegie Mellon University and it’s free. Well organized and no pop-ups or garbage ads. This is by far the best online resource I’ve found. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2016, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/5 "2016-10-12T23:11:33Z")
Thank you for sharing! That’s hilarious (if you like black humor). Language lessons as written by Kafka. I like some of the practice phrases in the sports section: > [@](#): > > That was a foul! You cannot tackle someone like that when they don’t have the ball! > > The goalkeeper was tackled hard when he didn’t even have the ball. > > The ball hit him in the face and broke his nose. > > We had to stop the game. That last hit gave him a concussion. > > A fight broke out during the hockey match. I got punched in the face. > > How does one get injured playing chess? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2016, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/6 "2016-10-12T23:17:35Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Marcelo and Chris are hopelessly lost, This actually does give a reasonable of example of typical directions in Panama :D: > [@](#): > > “Drive straight ahead until you see a house with a broken fence. Make a right after that house and keep going until you pass two big rocks on the left. Soon after that you will see a bush that looks like a giant cockroach. Turn left at that bush and keep going for another twenty minutes. You should pass two gas stations on your right. About a mile after the second gas station, you will see three mounds of dirt and a house with a horse tied to a tree. Make a right at that house and it will be the second restaurant on your left. The sign is broken but you can’t miss it. It has a rock next to it that looks like a bear holding a sword. You may see a few people standing outside drinking beer. Good luck!” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2016, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/7 "2016-10-13T00:35:25Z")
It sounds like a telenovela! Actually, it sounds a lot better than the Spanish reader I had, which was full of things like “My cat lives under my house” and “Where is the bridge? Here is the bridge. It is a big bridge.” Not much there in the way of narrative drive. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2016, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/8 "2016-10-13T00:40:36Z")
If you really want to learn Spanish, get a part-time job as a dishwasher in a restaurant. You’ll learn all the best phrases. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2016, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/9 "2016-10-13T01:10:17Z")
> [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](#): > > ¿Donde está Imán? ¡Aquí está! According to Wikipedia, Iman speaks Somali, Arabic, Italian, French and English. So why is she suddenly talking Spanish? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2016, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/10 "2016-10-13T01:17:41Z")
Spain has a twisted, wild aesthetic that this sort of fits, in my comfortable Anglo-American way of seeing things. It’s like the Sagrada Familia, or El Greco paintings, or one of the later Almodovar movies. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2016, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/11 "2016-10-13T03:10:07Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > According to Wikipedia, Iman speaks Somali, Arabic, Italian, French and English. So why is she suddenly talking Spanish? _¿Donde está Imán?_ was the first lesson in a hilariously awful tape-plus-picture-book Spanish series from grade school, spoken by an obnoxiously squeaky-voiced child. Even the teacher was embarrassed by it. Imán, which means magnet, was the name of a dog…something the widow of the late Mr. Bowie could never be accused of being. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2016, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practical-spanish-dystopian-hellscape-wtf/768356/12 "2016-10-13T13:47:02Z")
Have you tried looking for Spanish web sites aimed at children? Hopefully they don’t start the kids off on existential despair.