# Practicle Advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 24, 2016, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813 "2016-07-24T23:33:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/21 "2016-07-25T17:28:42Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > A wise man once told me: Measure twice, cut once; similarly–You can always cut it shorter, but you can’t cut it longer. The flipside to this one is, “If you can’t measure worth shit, learn to weld”. > [@MoonMoon](#): > > You’re typing on a powerful information machine; there’s no reason to misspell anything, ever again. Practical AND topical! Damn thing auto-corrects everywhere except the “Title” box, which is arguably the most important place! Such is my lot. ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/22 "2016-07-25T17:36:44Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > A wise man once told me: Measure twice, cut once; similarly–You can always cut it shorter, but you can’t cut it longer. You can cut more off, but you can’t cut moron. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/23 "2016-07-25T17:37:11Z")
How to approach work in six easy steps: 1. Determine if it really needs to be done. 2. Hesitate to see of a workaholic volunteers to do it. 3. Consider the most efficient way to complete it. 4. Tell everyone else to get out of your way. 5. Get it over with. 6. Lie back down on the couch. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/24 "2016-07-25T17:48:40Z")
> [@OffByOne](#): > > My Dad had a saying for this: “I cut it off twice, but it’s still too short!” > [@Chefguy](#): > > Cut it large and beat it into place. > [@TriPolar](#): > > You need one saw and a lot of sanders. > [@Gatopescado](#): > > The flipside to this one is, “If you can’t measure worth shit, learn to weld”. \ > [@Paintcharge](#): > > You can cut more off, but you can’t cut moron. These are outstanding. 🆒 **Don’t put off 'til tomorrow what you can put off 'til the day _after_ tomorrow.** ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/25 "2016-07-25T18:38:33Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > The flipside to this one is, “If you can’t measure worth shit, learn to weld”. If you can’t weld worth shit, learn to grind. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/26 "2016-07-25T20:13:35Z")
Measure three times and use the last measurement. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/27 "2016-07-25T20:15:05Z")
Don’t force it, use a larger hammer. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/28 "2016-07-25T20:45:03Z")
The problem here can be traced back to flaws in our educational system. If you look at this toy on Amazon… > **[Amazon.com: PlanToys Shape & Sort It Out : Toys & Games](https://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toy-Shape-Sort-Out/dp/B00000ITIV)** > > Amazon.com: PlanToys Shape & Sort It Out : Toys & Games …it is notable that a large hammer does not show up in the “Frequently Bought Together” section. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/29 "2016-07-25T20:49:44Z")
What I’ve been doing up until now is to measure once when drunk, once more when sober, and then take the average of the two. But now I’m starting to think that there may be more optimal methods. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/30 "2016-07-25T20:55:20Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > What I’ve been doing up until now is to measure once when drunk, once more when sober, and then take the average of the two. But now I’m starting to think that there may be more optimal methods. This is like the homunculus problem. All you’ve done is take the problem up a level to “should you be drunk when taking the average?”. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2016, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/31 "2016-07-25T22:28:58Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > This is like the homunculus problem. All you’ve done is take the problem up a level to “should you be drunk when taking the average?”. Yeah, that is my thought. Average in your cups, average sober, and average the averages after two beers. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/32 "2016-07-26T00:39:38Z")
Don’t scratch your nuts after trundling through poison ivy looking for firewood…ask me how I know this. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/33 "2016-07-26T00:42:56Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Don’t scratch your nuts after trundling through poison ivy looking for firewood…ask me how I know this. Practicle Advice: Do not ask him how he knows this. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/34 "2016-07-26T01:34:49Z")
When skiing, carry a dog biscuit in your pocket. In the event of an avalanche, the rescue dog will find you first. When counting to ten, save time by starting at the number 4. Fool other motorists into thinking that you’ve got those fancy automatic windscreen wipers that switch themselves on when it starts raining by switching your windscreen wipers on when it starts raining. Avoid the embarrassment of an STD test by having unprotected sex with your girlfriend then sending her instead. Earn big money by putting a “How’s My Driving?” sign on the back of your truck along with a 900 number, then driving around like an asshole. Save space in the freezer by storing frozen peas in the holes in frozen waffles. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/35 "2016-07-26T02:23:38Z")
When building a fence, finish all the hammering and beating first, and pour the concrete last. It takes a month or two for concrete to get hard and you don’t want to be hammering on the post while the concrete is still soft. When rock climbing, always jump for both handholds _and_ footholds. Drive 5 mph in front of an elementary school five minutes after classes begin. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/36 "2016-07-26T07:56:54Z")
If at first you don’t succeed, just quit. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/37 "2016-07-26T08:07:23Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > The problem here can be traced back to flaws in our educational system. If you look at this toy on Amazon… > > [https://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toy-Shape-Sort-Out/dp/B00000ITIV](https://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toy-Shape-Sort-Out/dp/B00000ITIV) > > …it is notable that a large hammer does not show up in the “Frequently Bought Together” section. Of course not. [That’s a different toy altogether](https://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toy-Punch-and-Drop/dp/B00009YOQK/ref=pd_sim_21_4?ie=UTF8&dpID=41DWroCJc2L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&psc=1&refRID=A0CRCDZG9H13752FETGC). ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/38 "2016-07-26T17:39:21Z")
If your dog is constipated, keep it out of the sticker bushes. > [@74westy](#): > > If you can’t weld worth shit, learn to grind. I’m guessing your projects look about as good as mine. I don’t weld pretty, but I weld strong! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/39 "2016-07-26T17:51:31Z")
> [@Nametag](#): > > Of course not. [That’s a different toy altogether](https://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toy-Punch-and-Drop/dp/B00009YOQK/ref=pd_sim_21_4?ie=UTF8&dpID=41DWroCJc2L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&psc=1&refRID=A0CRCDZG9H13752FETGC). No matter how hard you beat on them, the balls roll out of the box. Well, damn. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2016, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813/40 "2016-07-26T18:31:10Z")
> [@Nametag](#): > > Of course not. [That’s a different toy altogether](https://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toy-Punch-and-Drop/dp/B00009YOQK/ref=pd_sim_21_4?ie=UTF8&dpID=41DWroCJc2L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&psc=1&refRID=A0CRCDZG9H13752FETGC). > [@carnivorousplant](#): > > No matter how hard you beat on them, the balls roll out of the box. > > Well, damn. Yeah, I’m a little taken aback by this toy. The lesson appears to be: _The only way to make stuff happen is by brute force; and even then, it’s ultimately futile._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/practicle-advice/760813.md?page=3)