# Praise The Lord™, I am free.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 22, 2012, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025 "2012-07-22T04:34:27Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/1 "2012-07-22T04:34:27Z")
I was stuck in a room all day with a man that only loves one thing more than The Lord™. Himself.
For hours I listened to pathetic displays of wit and peacockery. Ultimate fighter, martial arts instructor, “Let me tell you about my mission to Africa and here, look at these 837 pictures, praise The Lord™.” Speaks multiple languages, ladies love him, and is dedicating his life to stopping slavery worldwide. In fact, he’s been hired by an international organization and will be getting a _gun_ to rescue women and children from brothels. Plays guitar and leads the children’s songs of joy (or whatever the fuck) in his church. On and on and on and on.
“Look up this Christian Bandname/Songname on youtube, I’m totally friends with the lead singer and we were just hanging out a few weeks ago playing guitar and singing.”
Somebody hold me.
---
### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/2 "2012-07-22T04:38:42Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#):
>
> Plays guitar and leads the children’s songs of joy.
So… a douchebag. (just on that one sentence :p)
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### Author:  [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/3 "2012-07-22T04:45:10Z")
> [@Chimera](#):
>
> So… a douchebag. (just on that one sentence :p)
I am impressed it took all the way to that sentence before that word came to mind. He asked me (midday) to go out after work but thankfully all of that preening must have sucked just enough oxygen out of the room to affect his memory when it came time to leave. 🆒
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### Author:  [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/4 "2012-07-22T07:51:25Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#):
>
> For hours I listened to pathetic displays of wit and peacockery. Ultimate fighter, martial arts instructor, “Let me tell you about my mission to Africa and here, look at these 837 pictures, praise The Lord™.” Speaks multiple languages, ladies love him, and is dedicating his life to stopping slavery worldwide. In fact, he’s been hired by an international organization and will be getting a _gun_ to rescue women and children from brothels. Plays guitar and leads the children’s songs of joy (or whatever the fuck) in his church. On and on and on and on.
Is his name “[Topper](http://www.jeremyperson.com/dilberts-the-topper/)”?
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### Author:  [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/5 "2012-07-22T13:53:06Z")
Please tell us who this is so we can avoid him.
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### Author:  [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/6 "2012-07-22T14:39:14Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#):
>
> Somebody hold me.
Oh, but The Lord is always holding you, my child.
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/7 "2012-07-22T14:52:12Z")
…then I noticed there was only one set of footprints in the sand. God turned to me and said “Thanks for carrying me for a while bro, making jellyfish was another one of my mistakes”.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/8 "2012-07-22T15:04:14Z")
> [@lorene](#):
>
> Oh, but The Lord is always holding you, my child.
Yeah, but if you go for a walk on the beach with him sometimes he makes you carry him (I think he doesn’t like the wet sand between his toes).
Sorta ninjad damnit.
And let me guess. This guy didn’t seem to give a damn about what you did or thought about either right?
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/9 "2012-07-22T15:07:51Z")
> [@](#):
>
> affect his memory
You _accepted_ the invitation from this douchebag? Really?
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### Author:  [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/10 "2012-07-22T15:34:29Z")
She’s got a lot of curiosity.
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/11 "2012-07-22T15:38:12Z")
Point taken!😃
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/12 "2012-07-22T15:42:10Z")
As tedious an asshole as this guy sounds I am reminded of an even worse variety. The self important kind that actually ISNT doing anything important or impressive or remotely interesting but thats not how THEY see it.
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### Author:  [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/13 "2012-07-22T16:10:03Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#):
>
> Is his name “[Topper](http://www.jeremyperson.com/dilberts-the-topper/)”?
That’s an excellent example (one I will be sure to share with coworkers) but no, we call him [Rex Kwon Do.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzh9koy7b1E) In fact, Napoleon Dynamite has become our go-to quotable about this guy. He also spends all day checking out his dating and facebook accounts to [talk to the ladies](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3lUQ3vWB4k), and in fact purchased tickets (2 weeks after starting the job, without asking for time off) [to go meet some woman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M19KGZ6hgU) he met on a Christian dating site.
I do a once-monthly rotation to another office to cover a Saturday. This was my first in-the-flesh exposure to this person. His reputation preceded him.
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### Author:  [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/14 "2012-07-22T16:18:52Z")
> [@TriPolar](#):
>
> …then I noticed there was only one set of footprints in the sand. God turned to me and said “Thanks for carrying me for a while bro, making jellyfish was another one of my mistakes”.
> [@billfish678](#):
>
> Yeah, but if you go for a walk on the beach with him sometimes he makes you carry him (I think he doesn’t like the wet sand between his toes).
>
> Sorta ninjad damnit.
>
> And let me guess. This guy didn’t seem to give a damn about what you did or thought about either right?
Well played you two.
And no, **billfish678** , he did not care at all that I was not interested. He also doesn’t seem to get the concept of personal space. I kept finding him in mine.
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### Author:  [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/15 "2012-07-22T16:22:34Z")
> [@elbows](#):
>
> You _accepted_ the invitation from this douchebag? Really?
I did _ **not** _! I am curious to a fault but even my morbid curiosity hits an occasional limit. I was happy he didn’t remember because I was able to get out of there without being cornered about it. I’d ignored the original suggestion. 😉
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### Author:  [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/16 "2012-07-22T16:27:22Z")
> [@billfish678](#):
>
> As tedious an asshole as this guy sounds I am reminded of an even worse variety. The self important kind that actually ISNT doing anything important or impressive or remotely interesting but thats not how THEY see it.
I am convinced the embellishment ratio is high.
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### Author:  [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/17 "2012-07-22T16:35:26Z")
> [@TriPolar](#):
>
> …then I noticed there was only one set of footprints in the sand. God turned to me and said “Thanks for carrying me for a while bro, making jellyfish was another one of my mistakes”.
**Butt Prints In The Sand**
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”
Those prints are large and round and neat,
“But Lord they are too big for feet.”
“My child,” He said in somber tones,
“For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.”
“You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know.
So I got tired, I got fed up,
and there I dropped you on your butt.”
“Because in life, there comes a time,
when one must fight, and one must climb.
When one must rise and take a stand,
or leave their butt prints in the sand.”
author unknown
---
### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/18 "2012-07-22T16:41:27Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#):
>
> I am convinced the embellishment ratio is high.
Oh most probably. But if you gonna hear a story from a self absorbed asshole its better if it sounds like a Clint Eastwood movie and not a "I meet Carrot Top in line at Walmart once and he uses the same shampoo I DO! " one.
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### Author:  [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/19 "2012-07-22T17:34:41Z")
O.K., I understand a little better now. I had assumed that this was somebody that you went to a lecture of his, and you stuck around for hours listening to his ridiculous claims in that lecture. There actually are such people. They arrange to give lectures to Christian groups telling about how they saved women and children from slavery (or some such bizarre feats), even though they’ve never remotely been close to any such activities. They get a boost to their egos from these lectures and often make a lot of money from them.
You mean that you were either on a date with this guy or that you met him in some situation where you couldn’t get away quickly. In this case, we’re not likely to ever find ourselves in a situation where we could meet him, thankfully. Thanks for telling us about him in any case. So I guess the art of quickly exiting from a date or a personal conversation is useful.
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/praise-the-lord-i-am-free/629025/20 "2012-07-22T17:53:20Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I did not!
I am so glad to hear it! My faith in you is restored, you rock!
But never forget what happened to the cat!
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