# Pre-relationship behavior: what would precipitate a break-up for you?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pre-relationship-behavior-what-would-precipitate-a-break-up-for-you/383930>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [December 13, 2006, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pre-relationship-behavior-what-would-precipitate-a-break-up-for-you/383930 "2006-12-13T04:59:19Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\
**Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pre-relationship-behavior-what-would-precipitate-a-break-up-for-you/383930/21 "2006-12-14T16:07:55Z")

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Most of the stuff mentioned here wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me – I think the only things that would are a history of domestic abuse (i.e., not just one incident) and/or a history of child or animal abuse.

Former drug use, alcoholism, sex industry employment, prostitute use, felony convictions, etc. either wouldn’t matter at all, or wouldn’t matter enough to make me call things off. Ok, a _collection_ of felony convictions might, but I’d listen to his story first.

The only thing I’m sort of on the fence about is a sex-change operation. Reading this thread is kind of funny timing for me: I’m right at the start of what could be a very nice relationship, and so far there are no red (or even yellow) flags – for either of us. We’ve started joking about it, actually, with each of us saying that there has to be _something_ wrong with the other, and I’ve been thinking about outrageous things I can suggest the next time it comes up: I figure that accusing him of formerly being a woman would get a good laugh out of him. But then I started to think, “What if I say that as a joke but it turns out that he was? Would it be a problem?” I have a long history in the LGBT community, so I don’t _think_ it would matter, but I can’t honestly say for sure. I know that he’s dressed in drag before (as a _Rocky Horror_ cast member) and that doesn’t bother me – in fact, I like that about him – but actually having _been_ a woman? We haven’t had sex yet, so I’d probably ask for demonstration before making a decision. 😉

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**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\
**Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pre-relationship-behavior-what-would-precipitate-a-break-up-for-you/383930/22 "2006-12-14T17:37:20Z")

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[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]  
**Poysyn** , I snipped much of your list because the first half was mostly things that are ongoing by definition. But what about these three? Would you break up with someone who WAS severely racist or prejudiced, but has learned better? A recovering alcoholic or drug user, or a former workaholic who, say, suffered a heart attack and learned to cut back on to sane numbers of hours? Or a former smoker? Because that was the question, you know.  
[/QUOTE]

You know it’s funny I was just thinking about this last night. I would have no problem with an ex-smoker, recovering alcoholic, former workaholic or former racist. On the contrary, I would appreciate their honesty and obvious personal strength at overcoming these things.

Hokey, but true. 🙂

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