# Predict the Death of the Previous Poster **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 10, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480 "2003-11-10T21:51:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BellaDellaItalia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BellaDellaItalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaDellaItalia)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/1 "2003-11-10T21:51:33Z")
This is kind of sadistic, but I’m in that kind of mood…just put the location and cause of the previous person’s death… ---
**Author:** ![jeel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71e660/32.png) [@jeel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeel)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/2 "2003-11-10T21:53:05Z")
This sucks, but you will die when you get hit by a taxi cab on E 87th Ave. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/3 "2003-11-10T21:56:52Z")
They say that no one ever died from eating broccoli. They’re wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/4 "2003-11-10T21:58:47Z")
your tie gets caught in a shredder your shredder gets caught in a crocodile your crocodile gets caught in a trash truck your trash truck explodes… you get the gyst? ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/5 "2003-11-10T22:03:35Z")
Noodles! You will have noodles stuffed in your nose by a nefarious villian. Then you will suffocate. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/6 "2003-11-10T22:10:22Z")
Old age. How f’n dull. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/7 "2003-11-10T22:11:10Z")
You will be attacked by a ravening horde of ticks that have just fed on a vampire, making them immortal and eternally thirsty for blood. Upon your demise, you too will become a vampire. A vampire tick. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/8 "2003-11-10T22:16:27Z")
The small group of squirrels you oh, so innocently were feeding tidbits to in the lovely, grassy park the last few weeks seems to have grown. There are now (guesstimating) over a few hundred and the little sweet gleam in their eyes has been replaced by intense scrutiny that today makes you very nervous _ouch!_ You turn at the small sharp pain at your left ankle and find tiny teethmarks embedded into your skin. _ouch!_ What’s this? Turning, you find more such marks imprinted and bleeding from your right calf. _ouch!_ More pains this time, not so small. _ouch, ouch, OUCH!_ _Hey_! This is getting a tad bit annoying. _OUCH, OUCH, OUCH… !_ They find you hours later, still sitting on your bench, still holding your bag of bread crumbs on your lap but you’re just a naked and slightly moist skeleton. The squirrels are nowhere to be seen… ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/9 "2003-11-10T22:18:59Z")
**SPOOOOOOON!!!** (vague old cartoon reference) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/10 "2003-11-10T22:21:24Z")
A rectal thermometer accident. Next Tuesday. Sorry… ---
**Author:** ![WhiteyFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@WhiteyFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhiteyFoo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/11 "2003-11-10T22:24:47Z")
It will be a grizzly accident involving 3 gallons of lime jello, a gross of live roosters, 2 sheep, a case of Redi-Whip, and a large seedless watermelon. Oh, and you have till next Thursday to figure it all out. Good bye. ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/12 "2003-11-10T22:27:36Z")
Ah, how sad for **NoClueBoy**. Autoerotic asphyxiation is such an undignified way to die, and will be quite unexpected next Thursday. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/13 "2003-11-10T22:30:25Z")
dun … dun dun … dun dun … dun dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,dundundundundundundundundundunCHOMP!!! Maybe that beach vacation wasn’t such a smart idea? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/14 "2003-11-10T22:33:38Z")
I won’t give any specifics, but after you’re gone, we will _all_ know what’s so funny about peace, love and understandin’. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/15 "2003-11-10T22:34:50Z")
Two weeks from yesterday. Asteroid impact. On the up side, it will make the evening news and everyone will remark on how lucky it was that only one person died … ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/16 "2003-11-10T22:36:24Z")
Piñata Over thirty 9 yr olds Accidently wearing a paper mache body suit Misplaced gaden rake and trampoline Fire ants Genie with a speech impediment 46 pounds of chocolate One faulty microwave oven I can’t even type any more becuase of the horror of it all… Oh yeah, in the next five minutes. At least you won’t have to worry for long. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/17 "2003-11-10T22:36:28Z")
**Fern Forest** Termites. Big ones that dance like Riverdance as they chew, just to annoy you and make you suffer. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/18 "2003-11-10T22:37:29Z")
Well, when The Stars Are Right, and I awake, you will be among the first to be devoured. Sorry about that. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/19 "2003-11-10T22:39:04Z")
Anyone else notice the two predictions for **NoClueBoy** ’s demise by **WhiteyFoo** and **cbawlmer** are not mutually exclusive and both agree on the _time_? Creepy … ---
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/20 "2003-11-10T22:39:10Z")
As you lay on the sidewalk, the last bit of consciousness leaving your body with the last breath, you realize that maybe it _wasn’t_ such a funny joke to walk by the Red Gang’s lair wearing the Blue’s colors. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480.md?page=2)