# Predict the Death of the Previous Poster **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 10, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480 "2003-11-10T21:51:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![WhiteyFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@WhiteyFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhiteyFoo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/21 "2003-11-10T22:41:03Z")
One thing is for sure, while there is some argument as to how, NoClueBoy definatly has till next Thursday. As for Dread Cthulhu, I’m so terribly sorry, but you probably shouldn’t have had that ham sandwich for lunch. You have 3…2…1…oh, well. ---
**Author:** ![Herge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Herge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Herge)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/22 "2003-11-10T22:41:34Z")
Eats\_Crayons, one day, after working your way up the mafia hierarchy, you’ll be told you’re going to be a “made” man. You’ll be driven to a house by a couple of top mafioso for your ceremony. As you walk through the door, you find the house empty. The last thing to go through your mind will be a bullet from a silenced gun. Sorry, lifes a bitch eh? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/23 "2003-11-10T22:46:45Z")
Well, it all started when you were putting away the groceries. You found that you were out of cat food and had forgotten to pick any up. And you have 6 cats. But it was raining and you thought you could wait until morning to buy kibble for the kitties. You were wrong. Geez, sucks to be you! ---
**Author:** ![angelabaca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@angelabaca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelabaca)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/24 "2003-11-10T22:56:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WhiteyFoo \* > \*\*It will be a grizzly accident involving 3 gallons of lime jello, a gross of live roosters, 2 sheep, a case of Redi-Whip, and a large seedless watermelon. Oh, and you have till next Thursday to figure it all out. Good bye. \*\* sounds like a porno flick gone awry. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/25 "2003-11-10T22:57:35Z")
What’s the old saying? “First against the wall when the revolution comes…” ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/26 "2003-11-10T22:57:40Z")
**Angel** thought that it would be fun to go see a stage magician quite deranged was the mage when he dragged her on stage he sawed **abaca** into two sections Eww, I hate termites. Next poster might want to check and see if anyone got skipped in the rush rather then do me again. ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/27 "2003-11-10T23:01:44Z")
Yeah, that is one weird-ass simulpost for **NoClueBoy**. Stay home next Thursday, dude. And maybe you need a trustworthy spotter that day just to be on the safe side… ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/28 "2003-11-10T23:23:56Z")
Never fear, **Fern Forest** – no termites for you! You’ll be engulfed in a wave of ticks fleeing a forest fire, and then pecked to death by hungry flocks of beady-eyed, creepy-looking guinea hens in a massive feeding frenzy for their favorite insect. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/29 "2003-11-10T23:25:15Z")
Damn. I’m scheduled to go skydiving next Thursday. Right after my bomb defusing class. ---
**Author:** ![BellaDellaItalia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BellaDellaItalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaDellaItalia)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/30 "2003-11-10T23:27:08Z")
NoClueBoy, stay away from moving vehicles next Thursday. And no operating heavy machinery. ---
**Author:** ![BellaDellaItalia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BellaDellaItalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaDellaItalia)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/31 "2003-11-10T23:28:51Z")
No skydiving either! ---
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/32 "2003-11-10T23:41:32Z")
**NoClueBoy** , in the lab for Bomb Defusing 101, studies the device laid before him. He picks it up, examines it closer, and turns it over to get a better look at the underside, only to discover … **KABOOM** … oopsie, it was wired with a mercury switch! Class is cancelled for the remainder of the day while the cleaning crew sweep up **NCB** and ship him off to the airport so he can, at least, fulfill his skydiving appointment. No real need for a parachute I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/33 "2003-11-10T23:43:59Z")
Death by Snu Snu. It’s always been a reliable punchline in the past… But trust me, _you_ won’t be laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/34 "2003-11-10T23:46:26Z")
**ArchiveGuy** was tragically killed when he circled after stepping on the sit-n-spin in his living room while talking on a corded phone. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/35 "2003-11-10T23:50:16Z")
What did your mother tell you about sticking forks into electrical outlets? Blacked out the entire neighborhood. Way to go. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/36 "2003-11-10T23:54:45Z")
As irony would have it given his name, **Mr Blue Sky** will be struck by an errant lightning bolt on an otherwise perfectly sunny day. Tripler But he won’t black out the neighborhood. ---
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/37 "2003-11-11T00:18:01Z")
**Tripler** , Christopher Robin’s favorite cousin, was having such a splendid day in the Hundred Acre Wood. It was uncanny, the resemblance between he and CR, and it was not uncommon for the gang to confuse the two. **Tripler** had noticed things were terribly quiet. Usually, he and Tigger would bounce around and terrorize Piglet until he peed, but not today. A while later, he came upon Kanga’s and Roo’s house. “Funny,” thought **Tripler** , “Kanga usually invites me in for a mid-morning ‘snack’. I wonder why she’s not home.” Just then, he hears a low growl. He turns to find Pooh, eyes lit up like fire, and shaking like a madman. Pooh, mistaking him for CR, shouts “But … but … I finished you off!” **Tripler** innocently moves toward Pooh to try and comfort him, but Pooh, in his rabid psychotic state, lifts the axe above his head one last time and swiftly puts it between **Tripler** ’s eyes. Thanks to AA Milne’s _Pooh Goes Ape Sh!t_ for the inspiration ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/38 "2003-11-11T00:21:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Herge \* > **Eats\_Crayons, one day, after working your way up the mafia hierarchy, you’ll be told you’re going to be a “made” man. You’ll be driven to a house by a couple of top mafioso for your ceremony. As you walk through the door, you find the house empty. The last thing to go through your mind will be a bullet from a silenced gun.** Oh, no fair! I’m trying to get out of “the family.” I swear, I am! But every time I thought that I was out, they pull me back in! **Herge** , you of course will meet the ghost of Tintin. He’ll stab you with his pointy hair. Milou will eat your entrails. Your body will never be found. ---
**Author:** ![Nvme77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Nvme77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nvme77)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/39 "2003-11-11T02:55:00Z")
Peritrochoid-You always vault over the stairs don’t you, you silly,silly neophyte. The walk has iced over and you cannot escape it 38 days from today, 9:30am, as you slide forward on the ice of the sidewalk,knock your head on the post and freefall backwards onto the stairs, bonk, bonk, bonk goes your skull as blood seeps out the sides of your drooling mouth. NVME77 ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/40 "2003-11-11T02:56:10Z")
**Eats\_Crayons:** - it is December 10, 2010. You’re strolling along the office supply lane of your local grocery store…and whoa! That 80-color box of crayons catches your eye. As you reach out to get it, you see a shadow out of your left eye - and one of those pesky birds that’s somehow made it’s way into the store stabs you in the neck with it’s beak, leaving you bleeding on the floor (surrounded by the lovely hues of your Crayons). Quoth the Raven…nevermore… Please let my death be painless, OK? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480.md?page=3)