# Predict the Death of the Previous Poster **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 10, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480 "2003-11-10T21:51:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 39
**Author:** ![Ithaka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Ithaka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ithaka)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/761 "2004-10-04T14:55:41Z")
**vunderbob** , mourning the loss of **A F G** , forgets that he is in an enclosed area, and dies in the ever-rising pool of salt tears. ---
**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/762 "2004-10-04T15:08:09Z")
Ithaka is disembowelled in an unfortunate misunderstanding with a fondue fork and a gesture he didn’t realize was obscene… ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/763 "2004-10-04T15:12:19Z")
> [@Iceland\_Blue](#): > > Ithaka is disembowelled in an unfortunate misunderstanding with a fondue fork and a gesture he didn’t realize was obscene… **Iceland\_Blue** was collateral damage when the [elephants](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=277891&highlight=elephant) bought the farm… ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/764 "2004-10-04T15:36:56Z")
**vunderbob, vunderbob** , what will he do? don’t touch that shiny knob ooops! mind that goo. turn off that power drill watch where you step parking brake upon a hill see your doc for strep lives oh so carefully does our **vunderbob** too bad he couldn’t flee engulfment by [the Blob](http://www.imagesjournal.com/issue09/reviews/blob/) ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/765 "2004-10-04T15:40:00Z")
Actually, **EddyTeddyFreddy** died sometime last year. However, she continues to haunt her computer, and since she doesn’t need to eat or sleep any more (as a ghost), this explains why her posting has actually _increased_ since her death. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/766 "2004-10-04T15:59:32Z")
**Ponder Stibbons** is chased by a herd of wild rhinos into a street, run over by a bulldozer, hit with a heat-seeking missile, swept away by a flash flood, attacked by bloodthirsty piranhas, exposed to toxic waste when he falls into a sewer, bitten by rats, clonked on the head from a stray hammer dropped by a construction crew, hauled out and laid on a gurney to go to the hospital… and then gets electrocuted by a live wire, falls off the gurney, gets hit by _another_ truck, mobbed by a group of parade goers, and finally savagely attacked by a group of evil clowns from the parade. ( **Ponder** , I love ya, really and honest!) ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/767 "2004-10-04T16:34:29Z")
**Kythereia** is beaten to death with wet noodles by enraged Dopers who wanted to use her death methods. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/768 "2004-10-04T17:00:40Z")
**ETF** is forced into the shower while holding a toaster due to the BOFH. ---
**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/769 "2004-10-05T09:18:52Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > **vunderbob, vunderbob** , > what will he do? > don’t touch that shiny knob > ooops! mind that goo. This distinctly unsettles me ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/770 "2004-10-05T09:35:12Z")
Nobody really believed **Iceland\_Blue** would slip through the bars and be eaten alive by Polar Bears, but they were wrong, so very wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/771 "2004-10-05T09:48:02Z")
RIP Mangetout. He believed the advertisement that promised he could increase the size of his member. Even when the equipment arrived he still believed the instructions. Had he but been awake, he would have realized that rapidly inflating it to an enormous size could only have had dire consequences. Those pieces of him that have been found will be buried tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/772 "2004-10-05T13:37:32Z")
**Iceland\_Blue** made the mistake of responding to an e-mail from Dr. Nmbua Sambe, who had access to a bank account holding $38 million. His plane flight will land in Nigeria in about…oh, 4 hours or so. The fact that he has a suitcase with $25000 cash to pay the fees is immaterial. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/773 "2004-10-05T13:49:35Z")
**Clothahump** will become deeply involved in an X-Prize Cup project involving a shitload of rubber bands. Alas, one will snap, taking out the entire development team including Clothy. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/774 "2004-10-05T15:56:55Z")
On a dare after drinking a pint of shandy, Ponder will eat 6 of Dibbler’s finest sausages in a bun _without mustard_. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/775 "2004-10-05T16:01:16Z")
Hmmm. Must remember to read the _entire_ thread before adding to it. :smack: Okay, Amazon will pass on after starting to believe her own PR and thinking she really is a goddess. Those gossamer costume wings really don’t guarantee any wind stability. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/776 "2004-10-05T16:02:20Z")
:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: Would a passing mod please delete that last post? Please? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/777 "2004-10-05T16:12:53Z")
**photopat** will smack himself in the head so many times, he’ll give himself a concussion and wind up in the hospital, clinging to life in a coma. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/778 "2004-10-05T16:12:57Z")
**photopat** smacks himself to death with a rubber smiley. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/779 "2004-10-05T16:14:35Z")
Simulpost! **ETF** will be mobbed by so many of her adoring and devoted fans that she’ll be crushed to death under the wild stampede of people screaming for her autograph. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480/780 "2004-10-05T16:19:06Z")
**Kythereia** and **ETF** fight to the death in a steel cage match over whose simulpost is better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480.md?page=38) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/predict-the-death-of-the-previous-poster/212480.md?page=40)