# Prefer a relative vital but annoying, or placid yet boring? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 19, 2019, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prefer-a-relative-vital-but-annoying-or-placid-yet-boring/840493 "2019-09-19T12:44:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2019, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prefer-a-relative-vital-but-annoying-or-placid-yet-boring/840493/1 "2019-09-19T12:44:32Z")
My FIL was always quite an asshole. Pathological liar, cheated on MIL, racist, misogynist, huge Trump supported… the whole package. But he was always quite intelligent and extremely vital and capable - going in to work every day running his own business well into his late 80s. For the past couple of years, he’s been experiencing more health issues, and he has mellowed considerably. The other day I caught him watching MSNBC rather than Fox for crying out loud! 😃 My wife has enjoyed some of the most pleasant times with him that she can remember. But here’s the catch - she commented the other day that he is now boring. He always talked a lot, but now he repeats the same boring stories from day to day, with no recognition that we were active participants in the events he’s describing. Before he always had plenty to say and opinions on matters we found interesting - albeit most of which were annoying and/or offensive. It is kind odd. While we had long wished he were not as obnoxious as he was, I guess we had stupidly thought that the alternative would be an intelligent, vital person who had inoffensive views, rather than what he is becoming. Well, I guess things could be much worse over whatever limited time he las left. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2019, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prefer-a-relative-vital-but-annoying-or-placid-yet-boring/840493/2 "2019-09-19T13:03:47Z")
Personality change, repetitive talk, no recognition of you and yours as active participants in his stories… I hate the thought of scaring you, but you might want to have a doctor look at him. As for your question, I’d prefer boring to annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2019, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prefer-a-relative-vital-but-annoying-or-placid-yet-boring/840493/3 "2019-09-19T13:22:30Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Personality change, repetitive talk, no recognition of you and yours as active participants in his stories… > > I hate the thought of scaring you, but you might want to have a doctor look at him. > … Thanks. His ex-wife died a slow death with dementia, so we are familiar. However, FIL is SO MUCH closer to his 2d wife/family, that we are very limited in what we could do/suggest. For example, he continues to drive, despite repeated TIAs and diabetic seizures. Not at all convinced his wife or their dtr (a pharmacist) are actively/effectively assisting in his health care. Meanwhile, he still controls his finances and holds himself out as directing his business. Had a pacemaker installed 1.5 weeks ago. Yeah, he is definitely on the downswing. Only question is how long he has left and how bad it gets. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2019, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prefer-a-relative-vital-but-annoying-or-placid-yet-boring/840493/4 "2019-09-19T15:08:34Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > For example, he continues to drive, despite repeated TIAs and diabetic seizures. Is there a process in your area for reporting this to the drivers’ license authorites? He may kill somebody. – in New York State: > **[Report a medical condition](https://dmv.ny.gov/driver-license/report-medical-condition)** > > How do I notify DMV that someone has a medical condition that affects their driving ability?if you are a police officer, submit a Police Agency Request for Driver Review (DS-5) formif you are a licensed physician, submit a Physician's Reporting Form... > [@](#): > > What does DMV do it if receives a report from someone who is not a doctor? > > If DMV receives a report from a person who is not a physician, each case is decided separately. DMV does not take action on reports based on age alone. DMV may schedule a re-examination for the driver or an evaluation interview with a license examiner. After the evaluation interview, the license examiner will decide if specific tests are necessary. > > A re-examination can include a vision test, a written test, or a road test. If the driver does not appear for a re-examination or does not pass the tests, DMV may suspend or revoke his or her driver license. For more information, see DMV’s driver re-evaluation program. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2019, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prefer-a-relative-vital-but-annoying-or-placid-yet-boring/840493/5 "2019-09-19T16:26:21Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Is there a process in your area for reporting this to the drivers’ license authorites? > > He may kill somebody. > > … Yeah, you’re prolly right. When he told us about one such incident, we asked him to stop driving and hire drivers. When he (and his wife) poh poohed that suggestion, i asked if he would alert us to when he was driving, so WE could stay off the roads! (We don’t tend to be the subtle type.) My MIL had dementia, but insisted on driving. When my wife confronted her with that in front of MIL’s doctor, MIL said she was “willing to accept the risk” that she might kill someone. Doc had her license pulled right away. Old people - too many of them ought to be put down like dogs (he says MOSTLY kidding! ;)) ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2019, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prefer-a-relative-vital-but-annoying-or-placid-yet-boring/840493/6 "2019-09-20T01:25:37Z")
My mother moves to these two poles constantly but unpredictably and we really can’t decide which is harder on us.