# Pregnancy is not a joke, not a magic fairyland, and you're an idiot **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 9, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160 "2006-01-09T15:36:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/41 "2006-01-10T12:26:56Z")
> [@Siege](#): > > Someone also might want to remind her about HPVs, human papillomaviruses, aka genital warts. HPVs are now known to be responsible for most cases of cervical cancer and they also cause cancer in the vulva, vagina, penis, and anus. [Here’s a link to the National Cancer Institute’s website on them.](http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/HPV) Oh yes, according to the website, HPVs are also incurable. > > Is there a chance the possibility of incurable, cancer-causing genital warts will wake her up, or have I just invented a new band name? > > CJ This is a bit of a misnomer Siege, because the warts themselves can be _cured_, while the HPV **virus** _will_ stay dormant in the body. And just because somebody might by HPV positive does NOT mean that they will necessarily transmit the virus to another person…my understanding is that there needs to be active warts for a transmission of the disease. You are right though when you say that cervical cancer is primarily caused by the HPV virus. But your alarmist cry of ‘incurable, cancer-causing genital warts’ is utter bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/42 "2006-01-10T12:38:33Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > And just because somebody might by HPV positive does NOT mean that they will necessarily transmit the virus to another person…my understanding is that there needs to be active warts for a transmission of the disease. I’m not sure about this (having trouble finding anything that says either way at the moment), but apparently active warts can sometimes be [“so small and flat that they can’t be seen with the naked eye.”](http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/genital-warts/DS00087/DSECTION=2) But I agree that if there’s any attempt to scare her (of dubious value at best I suspect), it should at least be with the full facts. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/43 "2006-01-10T12:51:23Z")
Vaccines for HPV will become availabe this year and in 2007 apparently. Not that one should risk STDs… but cervical cancer should drop drastically with these new drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/44 "2006-01-10T12:52:42Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > your alarmist cry of ‘incurable, cancer-causing genital warts’ is utter bullshit. I know. It was a deliberate exaggeration in the hope that, if common sense isn’t working, and it doesn’t look like it is, maybe dire exaggeration will. I don’t expect it to, but I’ve given more desperate things a shot. This isn’t a tactic I usually try, and I wasn’t aware of all the details until I went to the National Cancer Institute’s website, but that is where I got the information from. The reason I don’t try it is I’m usually not that desperate and it isn’t usually all that successful. Still, it’s one more weapon, however dubious. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/45 "2006-01-10T13:18:02Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > my current GF has an IUD in there, so it’s all gravy. Ew ew ewwww! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/46 "2006-01-10T15:27:54Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > I moved from Toronto to the upper crust burb of Oakville, where they demoted me from grade 1 back to Kindergarten because I could not tie my shoes. Yeah, well, they’re tough out there. Especially Old Oakville. You get below Speers Road, and you have to practically be a circus juggler to live there. Elitist bastards… ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/47 "2006-01-10T15:53:24Z")
When she does get pregnant and he blows town, _if_ she wants to give the child up, may I recommend [The Barker Foundation](http://www.barkerfoundation.org/)? Friends of mine in DC (well, Takoma Park), just adopted a child through them and have nothing but good things to say about them. They’re _very_ careful, and give the biological mothers say in who adopts the child. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/48 "2006-01-10T16:35:40Z")
> [@bup](#): > > When she does get pregnant and he blows town, _if_ she wants to give the child up, may I recommend [The Barker Foundation](http://www.barkerfoundation.org/)? > > Friends of mine in DC (well, Takoma Park), just adopted a child through them and have nothing but good things to say about them. They’re _very_ careful, and give the biological mothers say in who adopts the child. Thanks – that’s good work that they do. But if the inevitable is, in fact, inevitable, I rather suspect that my friend and her husband would adopt. The child could be then raised by his aunt and uncle, mom would be in the picture as much as she wanted, and they have already discussed the possibility themselves. They are, I should add, in perfectly sound financial position to do this. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/49 "2006-01-10T18:03:46Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > I haven’t had sex without birth control of some kind ever, not once. Neither have I, and I _really_ don’t understand what’s going through the heads of people who aren’t trying to get pregnant and have sex without birth control. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/50 "2006-01-10T18:38:38Z")
[QUOTE=kambucktamy understanding is that there needs to be active warts for a transmission of the disease. [/QUOTE] Your understanding is wrong. only about 10% of HPV strains even cause external warts. As well, there is no agreement as to whether the virus goes away or becomes dormant - ready to come back and give you cervical cancer whenever your immune system is compromised. ---
**Author:** ![Corii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Corii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corii)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/51 "2006-01-10T19:18:31Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > Neither have I, and I _really_ don’t understand what’s going through the heads of people who aren’t trying to get pregnant and have sex without birth control. Hormones? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/52 "2006-01-10T19:32:31Z")
> [@bup](#): > > When she does get pregnant and he blows town, _if_ she wants to give the child up, may I recommend [The Barker Foundation](http://www.barkerfoundation.org/)? I have a hard time believing that this woman would be unselfish enough to give the child up for adoption. Most people with this sort of personality won’t-- they think “It’s MY baby, I want to raise it,” even though they’re completely incapable. They have an utter lack of understanding what actually goes into raising a child. There is still a stigma about giving a child up for adoption in some young women-- they see it as a tacit admission of failure and incompetency. I’ve seen it many, many, many times. “I know I can be a good mother! I can do this! My best friend kept her baby, and she’s okay.” Add to this the Souvineer Syndrome-- “This baby is all I have left of Idiot J. Fuckwad.” They always cling to a hope that Mr. Fuckwad will fall in love with the idea of being a Daddy once he sees how wonderful the baby is, and that they will be able to build a relationship based on it. Well, okay, maybe he’s not so keen on changing diapers, but once the baby is a toddler, surely he’ll come around? Then, there’s the New Puppy Syndrome-- “Oh, my baby is so adorable and sweet. Everybody says what a cute baby she is. (Look at all the attention I get!)” This usually wears off around teething time. Lastly, there’s love-- in of itself a wonderful thing, as we all know, but also one of the most powerfully selfish feelings known to man. “But I love my baby! I love her too much to give her up! And everything I’ve heard says all a baby needs is a loving environment!” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/53 "2006-01-10T19:54:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Add to this the Souvineer Syndrome-- “This baby is all I have left of Idiot J. Fuckwad.” They always cling to a hope that Mr. Fuckwad will fall in love with the idea of being a Daddy once he sees how wonderful the baby is, and that they will be able to build a relationship based on it. Well, okay, maybe he’s not so keen on changing diapers, but once the baby is a toddler, surely he’ll come around? You’ve counciled Britney Spears, haven’t you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nickrz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbce88/32.png) [@Nickrz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nickrz)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/54 "2006-01-10T21:28:13Z")
Came in late. Why in FUCK is this op in the pit? Fucking moralistic hand-wringers, GET THEE to a nunnery or MPSIMS. \ I just don’t recognize the place. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/55 "2006-01-10T21:35:16Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > I have a hard time believing that this woman would be unselfish enough to give the child up for adoption. > … > Point 1 > Point 2 > … > Point N All true. But hell, I thought it’d be worth a try. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/56 "2006-01-11T04:06:19Z")
> [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > I know you may think anyone of the ripe old age of 19 is naive and just a breeding ground for STD’s, but some of us bypassed the “fuck everything that moves” stage. I didn’t say any such thing and I don’t happen to think that. I also bypassed the FATM stage. Being a 19 year old geek myself at the time certainly helped 🙂 > [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > Sure, people should use condoms. But there are circumstances where it is not needed. I agree on both counts. I also think that there are plenty of people who think that if they can’t get pregnant it means that they are protected from all harm which is flat-out wrong. > [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > I’m have an inkling that **fetus** is not blindly in love, and has thoroughly thought of the consequences of his actions (of course that may not be the case). I’m 19 and engaged. I have a contraceptive implant (Implanon: which is effective for 3 years, but has a 30:20:30 chance of menstruation getting worse:same:better so probably isn’t something the girl in the OP is likely to try) and we don’t use condoms. Me and my fiancee had thoroughly discussed our sex lives before having sex. I’ve been tested and he’s a geek\*. Quit the condescending attitude. It’s great that you are in such a relationship but as you yourself pointed out not everybody is. I wasn’t being condescending; given the topic at hand and the attitudes that a lot of people have it seemed worth pointing out that everyone who is sexually active really ought to be protecting themselves against both unintended pregnancy and STDs. > [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > Sorry, you hit a nerve. > > - 😉 From his followup post it sounds like Fetus and his g/f are being careful but when I hear stuff like “She’s using birth control so it’s all gravy” that strikes a nerve with me as well. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/57 "2006-01-11T09:28:55Z")
I’m sorry, I’m with **Lissa**. If she does get pregnant, and Mr Wonderful fucks off into the wide blue yonder, then she will raise the baby herself. Not because it’s right, not because it’s easy, but because for someone with that level of self-esteem it is the only unconditional love on offer. **Lissa** , don’t forget, babies love back, and right now that’s actually what this girl both needs and wants, love from a real human being. Dickhead and a baby are not the ideal suppliers however. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going to work until she has enough self-respect and self esteem to get out of the relationship and find someone better. Anything else is merely damage control. Nagging about how irresponsible she is, how she couldn’t raise a child, how she’s throwing her life away etc etc is not going to work. All it does is make her feel worse, make her need this jerk more. Tell her how special she is, how beautiful, how good a friend. Tell her she deserves more, tell her it breaks your heart to think about her like this because you know she’s worth much more, tell her that any man in his right mind would be lucky to have her, and that this jerk is taking her for granted. Tell her what she wants to hear, maybe she’ll believe you eventually. If possible, try and get her some professional help- someone who can talk through all the reasons why she feels the way she does, so that she can see how stupid most of her thinking is. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/58 "2006-01-12T04:35:28Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I’m in my forties. You would think that I would be years past the stage of having a friend who’s dumb enough to “get caught up in the moment” and take chances, again and again, with unprotected sex. > > But nope, turns out I’m not. At least indirectly, I’m not. > > The sister of a good friend of mine – who is in her mid-20s – has just discovered love. She works, but in a job that makes it barely possible to scrape by. She has always been a very pretty girl, but just lost a great deal of weight, and I guess that this has caused some interest from the opposite sex where there was none before. She is very inexperienced in terms of romance and sex – one previous relationship that went as far as kissing, and that’s it. But now, she’s met the Love of Her Life, and they are sleeping together. > > With no protection, not even the pull-and-pray method. > > Studly Studerson won’t use condoms - they make him lose his erection, he claims. She tried the Pill for a month, but experienced undesirable side effects. She is absolutely baffled about other options; she had no idea how to obtain and insert a diaphragm. She is absolutely convinced that if anything happens pregancy wise, Studly will do The Right Thing. Has she talked to him about this? “Oh, no. How would I bring something like that up?” > > I believe there’s a pretty fair chance that if the stork did send word, Studly would pack up his bright-red Camero and relocate. She has a vision of marriage and a cottage by the river that’s based on nothing but her fantasies. > > Her sister has had a strong talk with her, in which she’s acknowledged that yes, she’s being an idiot. But that acknowledgement hasn’t changed their behavior one bit. Sis even asked her about the possibility of doing other fun things in lieu of intercourse; the girl has never given a BJ before and was very hesitant to try such a nasty thing - that’s where he PEES from, after all. > > (I should note that they are adopted sisters, and were raised apart for some time; the girl in question was raised in a VERY repressive environment.) > > I am in utter disbelief. > > This is a trainwreck that even Slyvia Browne could see coming in advance. This guy treats her very dismissively in public; she hangs on him like he’s Elvis and Jesus rolled into one. > > I knew there were dysfunctional people like this in the world – after all, I reasoned, Jerry Springer’s guests had to come from SOMEWHERE. But this girl is a good person — she’s just crippled by some much she doesn’t know and a vision of herself as worthless. > > I wish I knew a way to open her eyes. > > And Studly has my utter contempt. He’s got a willing, if utterly inexperienced, fuckbunny and he’s content to take whatever she gives without the slightest concern. > > Assmunch. . . . I shouldn’t be getting turned on by this, should I? :o ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/59 "2006-01-12T07:16:52Z")
> [@Nickrz](#): > > Came in late. Why in FUCK is this op in the pit? Fucking moralistic hand-wringers, GET THEE to a nunnery or MPSIMS. \ I just don’t recognize the place. There’s nothing moralistic about it; the OP is pitting an idiot for doing idiotic shit, not immoral shit. Nobody here is saying it’s _immoral_ to have unprotected sex. ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160/60 "2006-01-16T16:45:13Z")
i’m opting for the ‘take Idiot J Fuckwad out on the town’ approach. Don’t get him tattooed though. Get him laid. Repeatedly. Take photos. God gave us the power to blackmail for a reason. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnancy-is-not-a-joke-not-a-magic-fairyland-and-youre-an-idiot/339160.md?page=4)