# "Pregnant Women are Smug" is bad and it should feel bad
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [August 8, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129 "2014-08-08T23:01:26Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/21 "2014-08-09T00:46:08Z")
The song is comedy. It’s meant to be offensive in a certain way. I don’t know how much this reflects anyone’s feeling about the smugness of pregnant women, and I don’t recall any pregnant women I considered smug, so all I think of this song is a couple of female comics trying too hard to be edgy.
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### Author:  [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/22 "2014-08-09T00:48:29Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> Really? You’ve been a member here for thirteen years. Do you really not by now know the next thing to think before typing the above?
I’m aware of the fact that I’ve been a member for 13 years. I’m having trouble parsing your next point, though. What are you suggesting I think before telling you that you are over analyzing a comedy song?
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### Author:  [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/23 "2014-08-09T00:53:14Z")
> [@Nava](#):
>
> I don’t even see “doesn’t matter, as long as it’s healthy” as a polite deflection. For some people it’s just the plain truth, as amazing as it may seem to those with a strong gender bias. The questioner apepars to be nosy (because it’s no business of his), entitled (because he believes that he should be given this private information even though see previous parenthesis) and sexist (because he can’t conceive of someone who’s more worried about the correct number of fingers and toes than about whether the genitalia is an innie or an outie).
I don’t think that’s the point. The point is more that it’s a cliche turn of phrase that (in their view) almost every pregnant woman says. They follow it up with “just ONCE I want to hear someone say: ‘don’t care if it’s braindead, don’t care if it’s limbless if it has a penis.’”
It has nothing to do with them deflecting the gender question, so much as the spurious relationship between health and caring about the physical sex, and the cookie-cutter phrasing.
I don’t really agree with them, but the song is far more about the stock phrases people of a certain class (in this case: pregnant women) say and the way our culture reacts to pregnancy than it is about being entitled to any personal information. It’s like making fun of how “how are you?” is an empty meaningless question because everyone will say “fine”. It’s really just the musical version of “Shit girls/white people/guys/whatever say”, which is, okay, problematic in its own right, but the song is more of an observation of common social and cultural norms than a condemnation of anyone.
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### Author:  [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/24 "2014-08-09T01:03:57Z")
> [@Superdude](#):
>
> I’m aware of the fact that I’ve been a member for 13 years. I’m having trouble parsing your next point, though. What are you suggesting I think before telling you that you are over analyzing a comedy song?
I am saying I am very surprised you think that’s a good point to make. I am sure you’ve witnessed this conversation dozens of times. I’d think you’d know what the next step in the conversation is, and that you’d anticipate it.
I don’t know, it’s a common source of frustration for me–I am always surprised when people don’t just think the next thought.
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### Author:  [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/25 "2014-08-09T01:04:10Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> what it _says_ is clear
Unless it’s saying something other than what it says.
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### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/26 "2014-08-09T01:06:30Z")
> [@bienville](#):
>
> Unless it’s saying something other than what it says.
No, I really think chili ought not have beans in it.
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### Author:  [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/27 "2014-08-09T01:59:32Z")
This is the same group that has songs titled “I Would Never (Have Sex With You)” and “Why isn’t there more Fucking on this Island?” and another song about having anal sex so they technically remain virgins. Anyone listening to one of their songs and getting seriously offended needs to take a step back and have their humor meters recalibrated.
And speaking as the husband of a pregnant lady - they can be smug at times about the whole growing another person thing.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/28 "2014-08-09T02:07:15Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#):
>
> They’re comedians. Considering they’ve done a song about how clueless they are at giving handjobs, I’m pretty sure a lot of their songs are poking fun of themselves as well.
Or a song titled “Sex With Ducks” - which I’m pretty sure is another example of a song where they don’t really mean what they’re singing.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/29 "2014-08-09T02:09:53Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#):
>
> another song about having anal sex so they technically remain virgins.
The classic “Fuck Me In The Ass Because I Love Jesus”.
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### Author:  [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/30 "2014-08-09T02:16:21Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> I am saying I am very surprised you think that’s a good point to make.
I thought he made a very good point. You appear to be obsessing very weirdly, and to have things way out of proportion, even by your usual standards.
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### Author:  [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/31 "2014-08-09T02:25:57Z")
> [@njtt](#):
>
> I thought he made a very good point. You appear to be obsessing very weirdly, and to have things way out of proportion, even by your usual standards.
😕
What gives you the impression that I’m obsessing?
I made an argument in the OP, I replied to some of the responses. Is there something more that I’ve done, or some manner in which I’ve done it, that gives evidence of “obsessing?” Over what?
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### Author:  [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/32 "2014-08-09T02:33:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> It’s a song. You’re getting entirely too worked up about it.
**njtt** , the above is what you think constitutes a “very good point”? Just to be clear.
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### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/33 "2014-08-09T02:43:42Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#):
>
> The classic “Fuck Me In The Ass Because I Love Jesus”.
Nit: The correct title is “The Loophole.” 😉
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/34 "2014-08-09T02:43:48Z")
At the risk of analyzing a joke until we’re staring at sub-atomic particles… in the song, the narrators are frustrated with cliches that are supposed to sound deep. The viewpoint of the narrators of the song (let’s not say it’s what the comedians think) is that women who use these cliches are turning an obligatory, boring social interaction into something fraught with gender politics implications and that this behavior is annoying. They’re objecting to the implication that it’s petty to care about the fetus’ gender - in part, I think, because when you’re talking about a fetus there is only so much you can talk about in the first place. The pregnant lady in the song asserts the implications of her views as obvious, and they’re saying that’s not necessarily true. You can prefer a boy or a girl without being petty or a horrible sexist. And they’re annoyed by the whole thing because they’re not interested in the baby’s gender or name in the first place and are just trying to make conversation. **Sage Rat** is correct that you can assign some blame to either party: there’s no concrete reason to deflect the question and it’s not nice to use a question as an excuse to assert your superiority over the person you’re talking to. On the other hand there’s no reason to repeat the question if the speaker obviously doesn’t want to answer; take the hint. What’s being challenged here are the cliches.
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### Author:  [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/35 "2014-08-09T02:50:59Z")
Where are you getting the stuff about gender politics?
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/36 "2014-08-09T02:58:32Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> Where are you getting the stuff about gender politics?
It was a quick summary of “We don’t care as long as it’s healthy.” I suppose there are a couple of ways to read the woman’s refusal to answer the question, but one of them is that it’s sexist to have a preference.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/37 "2014-08-09T03:25:11Z")
> [@Superdude](#):
>
> It’s a song. You’re getting entirely too worked up about it.
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#):
>
> They’re comedians. Considering they’ve done a song about how clueless they are at giving handjobs, I’m pretty sure a lot of their songs are poking fun of themselves as well.
These are the answers.
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### Author:  [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/38 "2014-08-09T05:42:46Z")
> [@silenus](#):
>
> Nit: The correct title is “The Loophole.” 😉
You misspelled “poophole.”
(will I regret this joke in the morning? Probably.)
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### Author:  [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/39 "2014-08-09T06:11:03Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> 😕
>
> What gives you the impression that I’m obsessing?
>
> I made an argument in the OP, I replied to some of the responses. Is there something more that I’ve done, or some manner in which I’ve done it, that gives evidence of “obsessing?” Over what?
Uh, well you do seem to be obsessing on the pregnancy/child side of life. For example your thread about too many children.
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### Author:  [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2014, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/40 "2014-08-09T09:47:28Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> Regarding that last statement, there are some important distinctions here. The treatment of women by social forces is something I think we should care about, and I do care about, and a song like this offers a great opportunity for discussing exactly that topic.
When I said “you don’t have to care about this song”, I meant anyone. Pregnant women can listen to it, disagree, and continue as if they had never seen it.
Yes, we should care about the treatment of women by social forces, but I suppose I don’t see that the topics in this song are particularly harmful to women or society. Women might have some disadvantages in our society, but I’m not sure how this song contributes to that. If you disagree with the idea that pregnant women are smug, fair enough. But opposing every criticism of women’s behaviour (by which I don’t mean _all_ women) that you don’t think is warranted isn’t helping anything. I know this is a bit flippant, and I mean no offence, but that attitude seems a little… patriarchal.
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> I don’t quite follow your argument in your first paragraph. Why am I committed to saying no one should be annoyed by smugness? I’m denying that the pregnant woman who says the things portrayed in this song is necessarily smug in the first place.
Yes, I get what you’re saying. But one can extrapolate your arguments to come to the conclusion that smugness, in general, should go uncriticized. As you said, you don’t have to care. If none of this is the questioner’s business, then how is it their business if the pregnant woman really is smug?
> [@bienville](#):
>
> The problem is you think “Pregnant Women Are Smug” is a song about how pregnant women are smug. It’s not.
>
> It’s a song about still being at a point in your life when you still don’t have it together, still don’t feel like you’ve accomplished near as much as you want, and you look around and see that many of your peers, people your age, people you partied with in your 20s are starting families, settling down, buying houses, moving on to the _next_ stage in their lives.
>
> It’s a song about being the woman who is _not_ pregnant and can’t imagine being ready for it anytime soon while more and more of her friends are growing more and more unrelatable as they move on to their new lives.
>
> It’s a song for all those non-pregnant 30-somethings to sing together and say “God, I know just how that feels!”
>
> It’s like getting together with your co-workers and ditching shit on the guy who got the promotion that you got rejected for. Taken to its extreme, this is a very ugly unhealthy way to be. Still, all of us feel this pangs of these kinds of ill feelings toward others at times and as long as we _don’t_ take it to extremes, as long as we don’t allow ourselves to be overcome by bitterness and resentment, it is entirely healthy and helpful to talk shit with our friends over matters on which we can relate.
Sounds like the sort of thing a smug, pregnant woman would say. 😃
I like your interpretation, but personally, I take the song mostly at face value in that it really is intended primarily as observational humour that criticizes smug, pregnant women. It may well be that they questioner is intended to look bad too, but I don’t think that’s where most of the flak is aimed.
> [@Nava](#):
>
> I don’t even see “doesn’t matter, as long as it’s healthy” as a polite deflection. For some people it’s just the plain truth, as amazing as it may seem to those with a strong gender bias. The questioner apepars to be nosy (because it’s no business of his), entitled (because he believes that he should be given this private information even though see previous parenthesis) and sexist (because he can’t conceive of someone who’s more worried about the correct number of fingers and toes than about whether the genitalia is an innie or an outie).
“He” seems a strange pronoun to use here.
I don’t know why you would think the questioner can’t conceive of someone who’s more worried about health than sex. The questioner is saying that talking about the health of the baby is a non sequitur, and has a faint “holier than thou” air about it.
> [@Marley23](#):
>
> It was a quick summary of “We don’t care as long as it’s healthy.” I suppose there are a couple of ways to read the woman’s refusal to answer the question, but one of them is that it’s sexist to have a preference.
I also assumed the writers of the song intended that to be the implication. That’s a big part of what makes the woman smug, from the questioner’s point of view.
> [@njtt](#):
>
> I thought he made a very good point. You appear to be obsessing very weirdly, and to have things way out of proportion, even by your usual standards.
I’m bored. This thread gives me something to do. I have no complaints.
> [@silenus](#):
>
> Gotta go with **Superdude** on this one.
How have I not noticed we have a **Superdude** here? Nice name.
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