# "Pregnant Women are Smug" is bad and it should feel bad **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 8, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129 "2014-08-08T23:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/81 "2014-08-09T16:10:51Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > Oh for cripes sake. Are you serious? it’s a song. Hang on a sec, reply coming in just one moment… > [@](#): > > A very funny song with quite frankly a lot of truth in it. And when you’re dealing with your third chemical in less than six months while the smug – yes smug – whiny asshole nasty bitch pregnant-on-her-first-try-at-43 neighbor tells you to just adopt while patting her belly with great and unearned satisfaction – it’s also a welcome and very funny song. Oh for cripes sake, are you serious? It’s a song. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/82 "2014-08-09T16:22:20Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > The song itself, with its constant stops and talking, didn’t really work for me. that’s their style. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/83 "2014-08-09T16:23:53Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Hadn’t heard the song until just now. Fucking funny. as is most of their stuff. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/84 "2014-08-09T16:33:30Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Hang on a sec, reply coming in just one moment… > > Oh for cripes sake, are you serious? It’s a song. I am not the one who started at entire thread about how outraged I am about the lyrics of this song. In case you forgot. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/85 "2014-08-09T16:36:05Z")
[QUOTE=LavenderBlue] If you’ve ever dealt with fertility issues, the song is both accurate and hysterically funny. If you haven’t, it’s still both accurate and hysterically funny. [/QUOTE] Meh. I didn’t find it either hysterically funny or offensive. Maybe the two are related. One of them looks like the actress who played Raj’s socially paralyzed girlfriend on _Big Bang Theory_ a season or so back. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/86 "2014-08-09T16:40:21Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > I am not the one who started at entire thread about how outraged I am about the lyrics of this song. In case you forgot. Of course not, but you are a person who explained how the song can impact one emotionally, about some fairly serious stuff, in the very same post in which you exclaimed that the song shouldn’t impact one emotionally, about some fairly serious stuff. If you’re going to tell me “it’s just a song!” when I am saying how the song impacts me and would probably impact many others, and why, then it makes no sense for you to then go on to explain how it is legitimate for the song to impact you, and many others, and why. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/87 "2014-08-09T16:41:21Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Meh. I didn’t find it either hysterically funny or offensive. Maybe the two are related. > > One of them looks like the actress who played Raj’s socially paralyzed girlfriend on _Big Bang Theory_ a season or so back. > > Regards, > Shodan It is her. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/88 "2014-08-09T16:43:56Z")
No wonder, then. 😃 If she would gain a few pounds she would be cute. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/89 "2014-08-09T16:47:13Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > But one can extrapolate your arguments to come to the conclusion that smugness, in general, should go uncriticized. As you said, you don’t have to care. If none of this is the questioner’s business, then how is it their business if the pregnant woman really is smug? Missed this earlier. The premise of my argument isn’t “no one has to care about anything,” it’s that “people talking to pregnant women are not obligated to be interested (or pretend interest) in the pregnancy.” ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/90 "2014-08-09T16:55:18Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Well it has a nugget of truth, you just don’t recognize it because you are not the person intended to recognize it – an childless, and possibly childfree-by-choice woman in her 30s with a lot of pregnant friends. I don’t disagree with you, but you needn’t narrow it so much. I’m a childless, married man in my 40s and I recognize it too. I’ve also spoken with a new mother who literally has said “now that I have a baby, I realize how unimportant everything else (you and everything you care about) is.” > [@monstro](#): > > I cosign **bienville** and **Hello Again**. The song highlights how difficult it is to have a simple conversation with a certain subset of pregnant people. If you’ve never experienced this in real life, you’re not going to find humor in the song. Or people with young children. I have a cousin whom I like and respect a lot. She has an Ivy League degree in physics and is now a pediatric neurosurgeon—she’s literally a brain surgeon. I ran into her at a family wedding and I said hi and recited the ritualistic non-literal phrases “How are you doing? What have you been up to?” Her immediate response was an are-you-an-idiot “I’m raiding two young children!” I literally did not want to talk to her for the rest of the evening. Another woman, a colleague at work, who had recently adopted a Chinese baby, like, a year before. Everyone knew all about it. Ran into her in the elevator. “Hi, how are you doing?” “I’m being a mom! Because that’s what I am now!” My internal reaction was just like in the song “I was just being polite. I don’t really care.” > [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Maybe not, but I bet that after the birth, if you’re a female friend who doesn’t want to hold the baby when offered, and/or doesn’t really give a shit about looking at photos? Yeah, you’re going to get looked at differently. My wife avoids women of a certain age and demographic with children because in her experience they literally can’t talk about anything else. It’s like they have to keep affirming their choice to sacrifice being a well-rounded human being. Well, (1) nobody asked you to, and (2) it’s simply not true that such a sacrifice is mandatory. > [@Frylock](#): > > But I do think what I’m saying in this thread is an important point to make, because it is very likely that many women who _aren’t_ being smug are being _misinterpreted_ in that way. This song is not an instruction manual for reacting to all pregnant women in every situation regardless of any context. It’s obvious from the way the words are spoken that this woman is being smug and women like that — particularly white, affluent, “liberal,” women having their first children relatively late. And it’s broader than that. There’s a type of person who goes out of her way to let you know about their views and priorities which you haven’t asked about and don’t care about. It’s the type of person who tells you about how important it is to be a mother and how important it is to prioritize children. All the while implicitly (or even explicitly) disparaging your own life and priorities. It’s the type of person who unnecessarily makes it clear to you “You, generally or specifically, aren’t as important to me as my children are.” Prioritizing one’s children is a human instinct. It’s not an accomplishment. Everyone who isn’t mentally ill prioritizes their children. That’s not something to sneak-brag about. My parents certainly didn’t tell their friends how much they loved us or how their decisions were based on “good for the children.” I think of them as Ayelet Waldman types, which is somewhat ironic given that Waldman is notorious for declaring that her (rich, talented, famous, successful, and possibly bi-sexually infidelitous) husband was more important to her than her children. But it’s exactly the kind of "I’m going to say something that you didn’t ask about in a way that proves I’m somehow better than you. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/91 "2014-08-09T16:59:50Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Yes, your OP. I am clearly not the only one who thinks so. Agreed. > [@Frylock](#): > > Please explain? 😕 How does a single post about a topic one has never written about before give evidence of an obsession? The multiple posts in this thread and the language used therein make you look obsessive over this. If you didn’t want to look obsessive, you would have dropped it the first time someone pointed out “Dude, it’s a comedy song”. > [@kayaker](#): > > Can we all at least agree that a lap dance is always better if the stripper is crying? Absolutely not, I want my strippers so drunk they don’t know what they’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/92 "2014-08-09T17:04:31Z")
> [@](#): > > The multiple posts in this thread and the language used therein make you look obsessive over this. If you didn’t want to look obsessive, you would have dropped it the first time someone pointed out “Dude, it’s a comedy song”. To quote **BigT** : > [@](#): > > What is with so many people saying that it’s comedy as if that is some sort of argument? Does it being a comedy mean you can’t discuss it’s message? This seems just like people saying that we can’t discuss the implications of a TV show or movie because it’s just fiction. > > Plus, the reason why this type of comedy even works is because you accept it to have a nugget of truth. If you truly believe there is nothing wrong with how the pregnant women reacted, the joke fails. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/93 "2014-08-09T17:29:27Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > To quote **BigT** : So you don’t like the joke. That’s fine. Continuing to post over and over about it after that’s been explained makes you seem obsessive. Dude, it’s a joke song. Let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/94 "2014-08-09T17:32:53Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > So you don’t like the joke. That’s fine. Continuing to post over and over about it after that’s been explained makes you seem obsessive. Dude, it’s a joke song. Let it go. This is such a weird thing to say on a message forum where the normal mode is to have back and forth discussion over points people are in disagreement about. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/95 "2014-08-09T17:33:45Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Missed this earlier. The premise of my argument isn’t “no one has to care about anything,” it’s that “people talking to pregnant women are not obligated to be interested (or pretend interest) in the pregnancy.” And you have people in this thread telling you that for women of a certain age, there is indeed pressure to be interested (or pretend interest) in pregnancy. If a coworker is pregnant, guess what happens to you, the only other woman in the office? You become the boss-appointed baby shower organizer. Even if you aren’t friends with the coworker…even if you haven’t expressed any desire to be a party organizer. Because you are a woman, and women are naturally supposed to be excited about babies. And if you aren’t excited, that means you’re an embittered ole crone. I have a coworker who is trying to get pregnant. Recently she walked around the office showing pictures of the embryos that were implanted in her uterus a couple of days before. All the while giving everyone way TMI about the cost of the procedure, the details of the procedure, her hormone regimen, how many embryos they still have left on reserve. Etc. Etc. A few days later, she then tearfully announced that the embryos didn’t take and how they have to start all over. She’s already taking us on a dramatic journey and we haven’t even gotten to the pregnancy stage yet. I could say, “Hey, can you please not show me your creepy-looking embryos or talk about the shots your husband has to inject into your butt every morning?” But this kind of honesty is frowned upon. Feigning interest is much easier. It’s also harmless, though it is can be annoying sometimes. Laughing at a satirical song is a great way of letting off the steam. It’s a lot better than telling people how you really feel and potentially hurting their feelings. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/96 "2014-08-09T17:42:55Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > This is such a weird thing to say on a message forum where the normal mode is to have back and forth discussion over points people are in disagreement about. It would be weird thing to say if this was the first time you’ve been accused of obsessing or over-reacting. But this isn’t the first time you’ve received this criticism. Maybe you should consider that there is certain tone to your post and lay off the defensiveness. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/97 "2014-08-09T17:44:17Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > And you have people in this thread telling you that for women of a certain age, there is indeed pressure to be interested (or pretend interest) in pregnancy. Right, that came later. I was just clarifying what the premise of the OP’s argument is. Sorry for the confusion. I think it’s very likely some people think they’re obligated when they’re not (since I know that in some cohorts, you’re definitely not obligated, and I also know that sometimes people accidentally import norms from their own cohort into interactions with others’). So I think there’s still an important point to make here–a note of strong caution. Lots of behaviors you may automatically be thinking of as “smug” are far from it. But I do think there is probably some context I’m missing in my own background that colors many others’ understanding of the song. > [@](#): > > If a coworker is pregnant, guess what happens to you, the only other woman in the office? You become the boss-appointed baby shower organizer. Even if you aren’t friends with the coworker…even if you haven’t expressed any desire to be a party organizer. Because you are a woman, and women are naturally supposed to be excited about babies. And if you aren’t excited, that means you’re an embittered ole crone. Okay, but this doesn’t make the pregnant woman smug. 😕 > [@](#): > > I have a coworker who is trying to get pregnant. Recently she walked around the office showing pictures of the embryos that were implanted in her uterus a couple of days before. All the while giving everyone way TMI about the cost of the procedure, the details of the procedure, her hormone regimen, how many embryos they still have left on reserve. Etc. Etc. A few days later, she then tearfully announced that the embryos didn’t take and how they have to start all over. She’s already taking us on a dramatic journey and we haven’t even gotten to the pregnancy stage yet. This is that differing background things I guess. I am _completely dumbfounded_ by the behavior you’re describing. Is she, you know, socially normal otherwise? > [@](#): > > I could say, “Hey, can you please not show me your creepy-looking embryos or talk about the shots your husband has to inject into your butt every morning?” But this kind of honesty is frowned upon. Wellbut… that’s not so much about pregnancy is it? If someone came into my office uninvited and asked if I wanted to see pictures of their granddad playing baseball back in the 30’s, the correct answer would be “no, I’m not even a little bit interested,” but I’d certainly probably choose to be polite about it instead. > [@](#): > > Laughing at a satirical song is a great way of letting off the steam. It’s a lot better than telling people how you really feel and potentially hurting their feelings. I can understand that, absolutely! But the song’s message is that pregnant women are smug, and what I’m arguing is that it is too easy to make this assumption about particular people, and at the very least, this song isn’t helping on that front. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/98 "2014-08-09T17:48:21Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > It would be weird thing to say if this was the first time you’ve been accused of obsessing or over-reacting. > > But this isn’t the first time you’ve received this criticism. > > Maybe you should consider that there is certain tone to your post and lay off the defensiveness. Nah, I’m arguing. In arguing, one defends a position. If I’ve had to be “defensive” about some ascribed “obsessing” in the OP, that’s only in the sense that I simply asked for evidence of the claim. I’m not sure what other thing you think I’m supposed to do, except maybe ignore such posts. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/99 "2014-08-09T17:55:56Z")
Don’t ever change, SDMB, don’t ever change. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129/100 "2014-08-09T17:56:12Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > I can understand that, absolutely! But the song’s message is that pregnant women are smug, and what I’m arguing is that it is too easy to make this assumption about particular people, and at the very least, this song isn’t helping on that front. No, the message isn’t “pregnant woman are smug”. It’s “A certain type of pregnant woman sure is smug, right? You know the smug-ass bitch we’re singing about if these examples resonate with you”. It’s obvious you don’t know who this woman is because the examples aren’t resonating with you. Which is fine. But that doesn’t mean the song’s message is wrong. It just means you aren’t the intended audience. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pregnant-women-are-smug-is-bad-and-it-should-feel-bad/695129.md?page=6)