# Presidential Knife Fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 5, 2012, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768 "2012-10-05T02:16:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/21 "2012-10-05T04:41:41Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > [Jackson](http://youtu.be/SupNaQeJrq0), badass motherfucker. > > Washington, pfft. His best military ability was his ability retreat. > Grant, if he is drunk, which he probably would be. Grant was rarely drunk. But his thing was horsemanship, anyway. I am 100% certain Grant would easily crush every other President in a contest of equestrian skill. In a melee, he’s just too small; he was one of the shortest Presidents of all time and in his prime probably weighed 155, tops. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/22 "2012-10-05T05:14:20Z")
Calvin Coolidge, because he would quietly slide around the periphery of the melée until one man was left standing, then silently walk up behind him and cut his throat. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/23 "2012-10-05T05:24:19Z")
> [@For You](#): > > Calvin Coolidge, because he would quietly slide around the periphery of the melée until one man was left standing, then silently walk up behind him and cut his throat. And as the body slid towards the ground, Silent Cal would whisper, “you lose.” ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/24 "2012-10-05T14:31:26Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Darkhorse? Jimmy Carter He did shoot a rattle snake that was near Rosalyn’s feet once. He also famously defeated a crazed rabbit attack. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/25 "2012-10-05T14:35:30Z")
My money is on President Bowie. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/26 "2012-10-05T14:52:52Z")
I think it makes the most sense to have them combat at the prime of their presidencies. After all, we’re having a combat here between presidents, not men who would become presidents. For presidents that managed to get to be president at a younger age is part of what made them badass. So, on that note, I think Teddy is a pretty clear winner. Not only was he a soldier and genuine badass, but he was the youngest president and was still very active as president, so he also has a significant youth advantage. If you insist on taking them in their prime, I very well could see Teddy still taking it, but that crazy evil badass Jackson could as well. But with that, you now have to throw in a lot of presidents who were athletic or soldiers in their youth, Washington, Ford, Reagan, and others, but I don’t see any of them really competing with those two in their primes. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/27 "2012-10-05T14:53:17Z")
If the contestants were in the physical condition they were in during their terms as president my money is on Teddy Roosevelt, with Jackson and Kennedy as contenders. TR and JFK were both young and relatively fit (I’ll assume JFK has taken his pain meds before the fight) and Andrew Jackson was old, but still crazy and strong (remember he nearly beat a potential assassin to death). If we assume the contestants are in their physical prime, it would a tough call between TR, Jackson, Washington, and Lincoln. A very tough call. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/28 "2012-10-05T15:06:07Z")
[Washington](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbRom1Rz8OA) (NSFW) ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/29 "2012-10-05T15:10:08Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > First one out? FDR, unfortunately. You don’t bring a wheelchair to a knife fight. William Henry Harrison might drop dead before the fight even starts. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/30 "2012-10-05T15:39:32Z")
My money’s on Teddy R or Andrew Jackson (Teddy being in better shape but Jackson fighting crazy dirty). That said, Lincoln was an [accomplished cage fighter](http://www.brandonbird.com/kingofcage.html)… ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/31 "2012-10-05T17:08:54Z")
> [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > A lot of people aren’t aware that Lincoln fought a duel, of sorts. Yeah, Lincoln was famously strong and had reach. Physically one of the more fearsome presidents. He also showed pretty good strategic thinking over the course of his presidency. I think Jackson stands a better chance, being an accomplished dueler, albeit with guns rather than hand-to-hand. While Teddy was a tough guy and exercise nut, he was compensating for the weaknesses he showed in his childhood. He famously finished his speech with a bullet in his chest; but Jackson took careful aim and killed a man while holding a hand over the bullet wound next to his own heart. True, it didn’t require him to remain standing as long as Teddy’s speech, but then again, on the badass scale, “public speaking” ranks slightly below “killed a man in a duel.” > [@Lukeinva](#): > > Harry Truman would end this melee lickety split. “You brought _what_ to a knife fight?” ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/32 "2012-10-05T20:06:03Z")
Andrew Jackson fought a duel against the best shot in Tennessee. He allowed himself to get shot. Stood there bleeding and carefully took his shot killing his opponent. On the last day of the presidency, Jackson admitted that he had but two regrets, that he “had been unable to shoot Henry Clay or to hang John C. Calhoun.” Jackson wins due to pure orneriness. Teddy was younger but would probably get taken out due to being blind as a bat. John Adams would go first. He would annoy all the other enough that they would take him out Orient Express style. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/33 "2012-10-05T20:42:39Z")
Nobody expects Jimmy Carter. Thus - Jimmy Carter. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/34 "2012-10-05T20:51:50Z")
George W Bush was in pretty good shape. And he showed good reflexes and situational awareness when he dodged that shoe in Iraq. So I bet he’d do surprisingly well. Alliances would matter a lot. Would the presidents split up into gangs based on party affiliation? Or are the differences between today’s parties and their predecessors too great to allow a good gang to form? Would the Whigs try to glom on to one of the parties with more members, or try to go down with their principles? Zachary Taylor had a 40-year career in the nineteenth-century military, so I imagine he’d be pretty handy with a bladed weapon. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/35 "2012-10-05T20:58:11Z")
Bah! Thomas Jefferson would beat plowshares into swords, mount them on a swivel desk chair, & clear the room in time to return home to a macaroni supper with Sally Hemings. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/36 "2012-10-05T21:08:24Z")
> [@wedgehed](#): > > Bah! Thomas Jefferson would beat plowshares into swords, mount them on a swivel desk chair, & clear the room in time to return home to a macaroni supper with Sally Hemings. … with benefits! ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/37 "2012-10-05T22:48:44Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > George W Bush was in pretty good shape. And he showed good reflexes and situational awareness when he dodged that shoe in Iraq. So I bet he’d do surprisingly well. I don’t agree. Decent shape to be able to run doesn’t necessarily means he’d be good in a knife fight, nor does dodging a shoe. I think there’s a certain _je nais se quoi_ that one must have to do well. I think he father would do really well. He didn’t look imposing but you always have to give credit to a fighter pilot. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/38 "2012-10-05T22:55:41Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > I don’t agree. Decent shape to be able to run doesn’t necessarily means he’d be good in a knife fight, nor does dodging a shoe. I think there’s a certain _je nais se quoi_ that one must have to do well. > > I think he father would do really well. He didn’t look imposing but you always have to give credit to a fighter pilot. Daddy wasn’t a fighter pilot. He was a bomber pilot, who flew the Grumman Avenger plane. It was sometimes used as a torpedo plane, sometimes as a dive bomber. He was shot down on a dive bombing mission. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/39 "2012-10-05T22:58:52Z")
Nixon. Just as his opponent unsheathes his blade, G. Gordon Liddy garrotes him. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768/40 "2012-10-05T22:59:56Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Daddy wasn’t a fighter pilot. He was a bomber pilot, who flew the Grumman Avenger plane. It was sometimes used as a torpedo plane, sometimes as a dive bomber. He was shot down on a dive bombing mission. Learn something new everyday. I wouldn’t discount his father though, he was a _combat_ pilot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/presidential-knife-fight/636768.md?page=3)