# Pretentious Ass or Illiterate Oaf - time to choose **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 13, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461 "2009-11-13T18:18:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/1 "2009-11-13T18:18:26Z")
On a vicious little [thread=11775318]grammar and punctuation thread over in the pit[/thread], the question was raised rhetorically, contrasting two opinions: > [@Pat, I'd like to buy a shift key ...](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-id-like-to-buy-a-shift-key/517230/74): > > If I must choose, I’d rather be perceived as a pretentious ass than an illiterate oaf. I figure that we as a community are inclined more to be pretentious asses than illiterate oafs, but I’d like to see how the numbers look. So, give your opinion, your reasoning, and, if possible, the exact kind of ass or oaf you’d rather be. And if you want, go ahead and shred my punctuation, what the hell. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/2 "2009-11-13T18:32:32Z")
Arrgh. [post=539587]link to punctuation thread[/post] . I guess that makes me a computer-illiterate ass. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/3 "2009-11-13T18:39:12Z")
I’m… not entirely sure the new link improved things much. And why can’t I be a pretentious oaf? ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/4 "2009-11-13T18:50:37Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > On a vicious little [thread=11775318]grammar and punctuation thread over in the pit[/thread], the question was raised rhetorically, contrasting two opinions: > [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Arrgh. [post=539587]link to punctuation thread[/post] . I guess that makes me a computer-illiterate ass. Actually, the second link leads to a different, but far more interesting and amusing thread. I prefer the second link myself rather than the one with DianaG’s post in the OP. (And I’m even the OP of the thread iwth DianaG’s post and I prefer the other one. Remind me again why I started a Pit thread in the first place :smack:) ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/5 "2009-11-13T19:34:41Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Arrgh. [post=539587]link to punctuation thread[/post] . I guess that makes me a computer-illiterate ass. Ok, computer illiterate and half-assed. The [thread=539587]punctuation thread[/thread]. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/6 "2009-11-13T19:36:13Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > Actually, the second link leads to a different, but far more interesting and amusing thread. I prefer the second link myself rather than the one with DianaG’s post in the OP. (And I’m even the OP of the thread iwth DianaG’s post and I prefer the other one. Remind me again why I started a Pit thread in the first place :smack:) You started it so that I could randomly link the whole freakin’ dope to this thread. Remind me why I started a poll. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/7 "2009-11-13T21:31:05Z")
A poll on a 9-year-old zombie thread?! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains! ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/8 "2009-11-13T21:44:29Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > A poll on a 9-year-old zombie thread?! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains! The poll was intended on the punctuation thread. The zombies were awakened by accident, just like in the classics. I reposted the link, and I’m now barricading the door and limbering up my kukri arm. I hate it when this happens. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/9 "2009-11-13T21:53:06Z")
I am a sort of a Pretentious Ass in real life (subtype Prick) or so I am told and that was an easy choice. It isn’t pure however because I have too much kindness and compassion left in my heart that I still need to get rid of and there are other job requirements that I need to brush up on before I can consider myself truly accomplished at it. I am NOT a douche-bag or an asshole though. I am way too polite, better bred, and have much better tastes than those subcategories. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/10 "2009-11-13T22:11:04Z")
Actualy, the most popular designation in my case is “Insufferable Know-it-all.” So I figured Pretentious Ass would be the closest choice. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/11 "2009-11-13T22:11:42Z")
I try not to let it show. And is this the time to say I’m not the least bit surprised by those poll results? I’m only surprised that there are so many votes for Illiterate Oaf. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/12 "2009-11-13T23:06:40Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > I try not to let it show. > > And is this the time to say I’m not the least bit surprised by those poll results? I’m only surprised that there are so many votes for Illiterate Oaf. You’re surprised that 10% of dopers would rather lie than admit they are like everybody else? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/13 "2009-11-14T00:22:38Z")
This is like Sophie’s Choice. I despise pretension in all forms. I don’t believe for a second there’s a ‘‘right way’’ and a ‘‘wrong way’’ to speak, and I have enough of a linguistic background to grasp the unique functionality of different dialects. Shit, I did a presentation as an undergrad on the usefulness of L337. On the other hand, my formal education is an enormous part of my identity and being perceived as stupid by anyone would be a huge blow to my ego. I chose ‘‘illiterate oaf’’ because I can’t stand classism, I have strong working-class roots and ultimately I can’t even pretend that I think intellectuals are superior to less educated people. Others might think I’m a dumbass, but I know better. It’s all about being able to face yourself at the end of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/14 "2009-11-14T00:28:33Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > This is like Sophie’s Choice. I despise pretension in all forms. I don’t believe for a second there’s a ‘‘right way’’ and a ‘‘wrong way’’ to speak, and I have enough of a linguistic background to grasp the unique functionality of different dialects. Shit, I did a presentation as an undergrad on the usefulness of L337. > > On the other hand, my formal education is an enormous part of my identity and being perceived as stupid by anyone would be a huge blow to my ego. > > I chose ‘‘illiterate oaf’’ because I can’t stand classism, I have strong working-class roots and ultimately I can’t even pretend that I think intellectuals are superior to less educated people. Others might think I’m a dumbass, but I know better. It’s all about being able to face yourself at the end of the day. You have taken my dumb poll and given it meaning. You continue to fabule. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/15 "2009-11-14T01:08:41Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > You have taken my dumb poll and given it meaning. You continue to fabule. Imbuing random things with meaning is one of my irritating specialties. 😛 I think it’s an interesting question. ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/16 "2009-11-14T15:03:28Z")
Definitely prententious rather than illiterate. Every time I hear someone misuse a word, a correction pops out of my mouth before I can stop myself. I realise how aggravating this is and try to curb it, but then someone said ‘irregardless’ the other day and there was almost a killing at the dinner table. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/17 "2009-11-14T15:24:34Z")
> [@Daerlyn](#): > > Definitely prententious rather than illiterate. Every time I hear someone misuse a word, a correction pops out of my mouth before I can stop myself. > > I realise how aggravating this is and try to curb it, but then someone said ‘irregardless’ the other day and there was almost a killing at the dinner table. I look forward to the police report with with an eye to sending it on to _the Fortean Times_ > [@](#): > > Dateline Chicago: A disagreement regarding the use of the word ‘unique’ has resulted in one of the worst in-law slaughters of recent years. Accused mass murderer **Daerlyn** was heard to shout as he was stuffed into a police van: “How can a unique thing be more or less unique than another unique thing? The thing is unique by definition - it stands alone! It is ridiculous to say “very unique” or “more unique”, damn it! No jury will convict me! Ow ow ow” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/18 "2009-11-14T15:52:24Z")
I’ve been labelled “Miss Smarty-Pants” more than once, but I doubt it’s ever had to do with punctuation. Does that still count for the purposes of the poll? Either way, being seen as a smartass is better than being seen as a dumbass, any day. ---
**Author:** ![kapri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kapri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapri)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/19 "2009-11-14T16:00:06Z")
Attack, thanks for making up this poll. It made me laugh, and I needed that. Pretentious ass here, I must admit. I try to keep it to myself most of the time, though. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461/20 "2009-11-14T16:07:08Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > This is like Sophie’s Choice. I despise pretension in all forms. I don’t believe for a second there’s a ‘‘right way’’ and a ‘‘wrong way’’ to speak, and I have enough of a linguistic background to grasp the unique functionality of different dialects. Shit, I did a presentation as an undergrad on the usefulness of L337. > > On the other hand, my formal education is an enormous part of my identity and being perceived as stupid by anyone would be a huge blow to my ego. > > I chose ‘‘illiterate oaf’’ because I can’t stand classism, I have strong working-class roots and ultimately I can’t even pretend that I think intellectuals are superior to less educated people. Others might think I’m a dumbass, but I know better. It’s all about being able to face yourself at the end of the day. You’re both, because you dropped in a reference to your linguistic background, just to make sure everybody knows how educated you are, which makes you a pretentious ass. But you forgot to italicize _Sophie’s Choice_, which makes you an illiterate oaf. I’m joking, I really agree with your post, although I have less and less ego about that kind of stuff as I get older, and I think I’m a little older than you. So in a few years, maybe it won’t be such a Faustian dilemma for you. (See what I did there?) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pretentious-ass-or-illiterate-oaf-time-to-choose/517461.md?page=2)