# Privacy while having sex in the 1800's **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 12, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599 "2012-04-12T20:05:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![obbn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d6d6ee/32.png) [@obbn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obbn)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/1 "2012-04-12T20:05:30Z")
Hello Again Everyone, I have a question. We recently went on a tour of historic homes from the 1800,s in Pensaxola, FL. A few things struck me: 1: The standard of living has gone way up in this country. I am not even talking about modern appliances ans such, just the basic home. The homes we were looking at were those that belonged to the wealthy class back then and today’s homes are so much bigger and nicer than what they had then. It is amazing how nice of homes our middle class now has compared to the wealthy of a little more than a century ago. 1. Even the largest homes had a small number of bedrooms. One that we saw that was built in the early part of the 19th century had only a large single room for sleeping. Apparently the entire family would sleep in this one room, the parents on the bed and the children on the floor. We were told by the guide that the family who owned this house had 14 children. During the winter time they all slept in the bedroom, which had a fireplace in it. I have heard that this was common before, which got me to thinking, how did the parents manage to have sex with all the children there? I am assuming that sex was not a major topic of discussion and parents wouldn’t want an audience, especially an audience of theirow children watching. So, what happened?'were the children asked to leave during the act or did mom and dad just go at it pretendimg they were alone? I would imagine it would be quite uncomfortable for the kids to see and hear mom getting ridden like a race horse and Dad panting like an out of breathe monkey. Or was it just not considered a big deal back then? For some reason this has me very curious and even tough I thought of asking the tour guide, it didn’t seem like an appropriate question considering there were kids in the group. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/2 "2012-04-12T20:26:30Z")
Not exactly the same thing (and certainly a fictional example), but there’s a scene in _Dances With Wolves_ in which John Dunbar is sharing a tipi with the Lakota medicine man Kicking Bird. Dunbar’s still awake when he notices that Kicking Bird and his wife are going at it. As I remember it, Dunbar is uncomfortable, but the Lakota don’t seem to be put off by the fact that there’s someone else in the “room” with them. I would imagine that, in a one-room (or one-bedroom) house, everyone over the age of an infant went to sleep at about the same time, so waiting until the kids were asleep may have been challenging. I also suspect that there may not have been the same hang-ups about kids knowing about the birds and the bees, especially in areas where the family owned livestock, and the kids would see demonstrations anyway. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/3 "2012-04-12T20:26:33Z")
There are people where I am that live in one room with kids, its a couple things. 1.You just get used to the lack of privacy in sex or otherwise to some extent, yes the dude on the toilet blocked only by a screen just grunted while pooping just ignore it. Yes if someone really wants to peep on you in the shower they probably can, you get used to it and for relatives where it really is weird(parents and adult children, nearly grown opposite sex siblings) they start using other people’s or kind of sex segregating in shifts etc. You’ve learned to deal with this all your life. 2.They use screens, do it after the kids have gone to school but before work, do it at 3am, do it while the kids are out playing, etc. A local politician in a bit of tasteless theater said such parents should be charged with child abuse, I thought perhaps he could do his part to help them by sparing a room in his mansion as a “love hotel” for poor couples. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/4 "2012-04-12T20:34:38Z")
My wife lived in a one bedroom apartment with her parents when she was a little girl in China. According to her, they used the “gee, I hope the kids are asleep” technique. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/5 "2012-04-12T20:54:40Z")
Even in cities, many households kept animals, anything from chickens to pigs to cows and horses. And if you didn’t you saw them everywhere. Sex was something every kid saw close hand their whole lives. And so with people. You did everything in one room - including using chamber pots. You grew up with it and did it as an adult. Sex was a fact of life. So was childbirth, although the menfolk might be shooed from the room. Privacy was a middle-class invention of the mid-19th century. The lower classes couldn’t afford such luxuries until well into the 20th century. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/6 "2012-04-12T21:01:58Z")
> [@obbn](#): > > We were told by the guide that the family who owned this house had 14 children. During the winter time they all slept in the bedroom, which had a fireplace in it. I have heard that this was common before, which got me to thinking, how did the parents manage to have sex with all the children there? Well, for one, sex with all 14 children would require a _very_ big bed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![obbn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d6d6ee/32.png) [@obbn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obbn)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/7 "2012-04-12T21:18:11Z")
Thanks for the replies. Perhaps I am applying today’s standards to this. As mentioned above, if one were to do that today I could see DFACS being called in. I guess swinging from the rafters, tied up to the bed sex was out though. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/8 "2012-04-12T21:24:41Z")
> [@obbn](#): > > I guess swinging from the rafters, tied up to the bed sex was out though. Yes; you saved that for when you went to visit your mistress. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Steken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Steken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steken)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/9 "2012-04-12T21:34:19Z")
I’ve heard a story about how, back in the day when a two-room apartment often had one entire working family in each room, the door between the two rooms was only ever closed for one reason, and one reason only - _not_ sex, as one could perhaps have guessed, but for when the husband was going to give the wife a beating. _That_ was considered private, personal, not for the neighbours to witness, or what have you. Something I once heard, could well be untrue. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/10 "2012-04-12T21:43:16Z")
> [@grude](#): > > There are people where I am that live in one room with kids, its a couple things. > > 1.You just get used to the lack of privacy in sex or otherwise to some extent, yes the dude on the toilet blocked only by a screen just grunted while pooping just ignore it. Yes if someone really wants to peep on you in the shower they probably can, you get used to it and for relatives where it really is weird(parents and adult children, nearly grown opposite sex siblings) they start using other people’s Using other people’s showers? How does that work? ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/11 "2012-04-12T21:51:32Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Using other people’s showers? How does that work? Not strangers obviously but friends and family 🙂 Ok like our house has two showers on opposite ends on the top floor, when my nephew still lived on one end he had that shower to himself and his teen male friends started using it regularly I assume because having your mom or almost same age sister walking in on you with morning wood or whatever is pretty embarrassing. ---
**Author:** ![heathen\_earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/13edae/32.png) [@heathen\_earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heathen_earthling)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/12 "2012-04-12T21:53:46Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Not strangers obviously but friends and family 🙂 > > Ok like our house has two showers on opposite ends on the top floor, when my nephew still lived on one end he had that shower to himself and his teen male friends started using it regularly I assume because having your mom or almost same age sister walking in on you with morning wood or whatever is pretty embarrassing. Wouldn’t walking over to your friend’s house with morning wood be even worse? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/13 "2012-04-12T22:04:44Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Not strangers obviously but friends and family 🙂 > > Ok like our house has two showers on opposite ends on the top floor, when my nephew still lived on one end he had that shower to himself and his teen male friends started using it regularly I assume because having your mom or almost same age sister walking in on you with morning wood or whatever is pretty embarrassing. Do people in one room apartments not even have doors for the bathrooms, then? (You mentioned something about screens in your other post, but seriously, not even a door?) ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/14 "2012-04-12T22:05:34Z")
> [@heathen\_earthling](#): > > Wouldn’t walking over to your friend’s house with morning wood be even worse? You’re probably showering at night before going home to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/15 "2012-04-12T22:16:52Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Do people in one room apartments not even have doors for the bathrooms, then? (You mentioned something about screens in your other post, but seriously, not even a door?) Not usually if you mean something with a lock, the toilet and shower are usually just depressions into one wall blocked from view by a wooden screen or shower curtain. Like I said the family has adjusted to this and its usually one group of parents with kids, there is certainly no one interested in watching you use the toilet and teens usually start either leaving or building separate rooms for themselves. ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/16 "2012-04-12T22:36:59Z")
As for showers, people didn’t bathe every day like they do now. It might have been a once a week event. Saturday night was the time of choice for many so that they would be clean for church on Sunday morning. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/17 "2012-04-12T22:57:39Z")
Also, back in history, rich people had 4-poster beds with curtains around them. And servants who slept in the same room. Curtains were partially for warmth, but also for semi-privacy. Sex inside the bed could be heard, but not seen. And that was considered private enough, for that time. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/18 "2012-04-13T00:51:01Z")
Where I live, immigrant workers live in conditions just like those or worse. Recently there was a house fire and a small house was destroyed; four families had to find other lodging. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/19 "2012-04-13T01:02:58Z")
Remember that it used to get DARK. In a pitch-black room, kids asleep, under a pile of blankets, hurried muffled sex would not be that obvious. ---
**Author:** ![obbn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d6d6ee/32.png) [@obbn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obbn)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599/20 "2012-04-13T01:05:59Z")
> [@R.P.McMurphy](#): > > As for showers, people didn’t bathe every day like they do now. It might have been a once a week event. Saturday night was the time of choice for many so that they would be clean for church on Sunday morning. The house we toured had what they called a hip bath that was in one of the rooms. It was nothing more than a big bucket that came up hip high. You filled it with water and bathed in the bedroom. When you were finished, we were told, the bath was passed on to the next family member who took a bath in your dirty water. Rinse, repeat… When finished the water was dumped outside. No bathrooms, outhouses were standards for the day. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/privacy-while-having-sex-in-the-1800s/618599.md?page=2)