# Product names--what were they thinking?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 27, 1999, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149 "1999-10-27T11:08:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/1 "1999-10-27T11:08:00Z")
I saw a product in a catalog today that made me shake my head. It was on sale, $5.95 for a 10oz bar… your choice of Dog Poo or Cat Poo.
It was shampoo, apparently, but what moron came up with those names!??
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**\>^,^\<**
“Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…”
OpalCat’s site: [http://opalcat.com](http://opalcat.com)
The Teeming Millions Homepage: [fathom.org/teemingmillions](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions)
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### Author:  [@Pixoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixoid)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/2 "1999-10-27T13:19:00Z")
The “Celeron” chip. I know, accelerate, and all that. But watching a commercial, all I could think was, “ **Celery?!** ”
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### Author:  [@RynKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RynKat)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/3 "1999-10-27T13:47:00Z")
The Drury Inn. The Atomic Burrito.
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### Author:  [@Gail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gail)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/4 "1999-10-27T13:51:00Z")
Didn’t there used to be an dietetic candy called AYDS…that mysteriously went off the market in the 80’s?
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–Gail
“Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place.” --John Cleese
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### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/5 "1999-10-27T14:37:00Z")
I think there’s a website on horrible translations of brand names and terrible slogans… I’ll look it up for you in a minute.
## Off the top of my hat: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux” (Swedish vaccuumcleaner brand 😉 )
Coldfire
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“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
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### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/6 "1999-10-27T14:38:00Z")
## Head. Not hat.
Coldfire
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“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
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### Author:  [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/7 "1999-10-27T15:29:00Z")
Well, your hat is on the top of your hear anyway, Coldfire…
George Carlin had a nice skit about product names and what they are:
“If Janitor In A Drum made a douche, no one would buy it!”
My favorite: Raid Feminine Hygene Spray
“RAID!!!”
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Yer pal,
Satan
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/8 "1999-10-27T15:51:00Z")
## With a name like “Deathcamp”, it’s got to be great jam! Look for the barbed wire on the label!
**R** anger **J** eff
\*The Idol of American Youth \*
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### Author:  [@wireless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wireless)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/9 "1999-10-27T16:02:00Z")
On a tangential topic, sometimes using irony in product names works well.
For example, there’s a skate/snowboard shop near me started a couple years ago by a couple young guys. It’s named “Failure” (as in everyone told them they’d be a …) and it’s now very successful. Keep meaning to get one of their bumperstickers.
Another (grim) example is the “brand” names certain dealers give their drugs: e.g. little heroin packets stamped “Chernobyl” or “black death” or something similar.
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### Author:  [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)
#### Post date: [October 28, 1999, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/10 "1999-10-28T05:36:00Z")
Okay, I said the same thing the last time this topic came up, but: _Tombstone_ pizza??? Couldn’t they have come up with something less appetizing?
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [October 28, 1999, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/11 "1999-10-28T05:43:00Z")
When I was in college (in the midwest), I always bought Delightful brand toilet paper. And you know what? Is _was_ delightful!
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### Author:  [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)
#### Post date: [October 28, 1999, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/12 "1999-10-28T05:44:00Z")
I have read that Scott Adams (the creator of Dilbert) has come up with a food item called the “Dilberito”, a burrito containing 100% of all daily recommended FDA.
Now why would you want to eat only one burrito per day? Might as well concentrate it all into a pill like in a bad science fiction movie.
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J’ai assez vécu pour voir que différence engendre haine.
Stendhal
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### Author:  [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/13 "1999-10-27T18:05:00Z")
Several years a go I probed a Ford Probe. 😉
Caved the back of that sucker in, and didn’t touch the front of my car ('86 Camero). It was a 25 MPH collision, BTW.
I just found out thatGM had a prototype electric car in the late eighties. It was called the Impact.
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You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing.
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### Author:  [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/14 "1999-10-27T18:19:00Z")
Anyone remember “Death” brand cigarettes? They came in a black pack that had a skull-and-crossbones in the front. Not very good smokes, but the packaging was great. I don’t know if you can still get them or not.
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### Author:  [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/15 "1999-10-27T18:30:00Z")
Let’s not forget Reebok’s briliant idea of naming a woman’s running shoe after a demon that rapes women in their sleep…
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Back off, man. I’m a scientist.
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### Author:  [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/16 "1999-10-27T18:39:00Z")
I thought that shoe (the Incubus) was made by Nike.
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### Author:  [@Boris\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boris_B)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/17 "1999-10-27T18:46:00Z")
How about the Chevy Nova? After all, “nova” means “exploding star” in Spanish … who wants to by an exploding star for a car? (Just kidding. I figured a UL deserved a pun.)
I always thought Corvette was a pretty funny name for a car. They wanted to name it after a fast warship … and ended up choosing a small, ponderous warship that rolled around in the North Atlantic like a cork.
My dad used to degrease his hands with a product called Goop.
There is a canned bean-and-frank meal known as Beanie Weenie.
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Nothing I write about any person or group should be applied to a larger group.
- Boris Badenov
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### Author:  [@radar\_ralf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/radar_ralf)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/18 "1999-10-27T20:12:00Z")
How about “Jolt” cola? “All the caffiene and twice the sugar!” was their motto, IIRC.
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“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me that a frontal lobotomy!” - W. Nelson
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### Author:  [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/19 "1999-10-27T20:21:00Z")
Jolt is actually a decent name; it does accurately describe the cola’s effect on your average person. (Not that word ‘average’. After a steady diet of Jolt during my freshman year of college, my caffeine tolerance is higher than you’d believe.)
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Laugh hard; it’s a long way to the bank.
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### Author:  [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)
#### Post date: [October 27, 1999, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/product-names-what-were-they-thinking/10149/20 "1999-10-27T20:22:00Z")
I almost went to work for someone who, among other things, consulted with businesses about nameing their new products. He actually hired someone with a Ph.D. in linguistics to try to translate the qualties the company wanted to get across into some kind of name. They’d come up with a name like “Luxol” for soap, for example, and then provide a detailed account of how this conveyed just the right aura of “richness and power,” or whatever. Charged 'em a truckload of money for it, too.
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