:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
If I over indulge in chocolate, I wind up shitting bricks - and you are telling me that people who are ALREADY constipated are living on chocolate???
My mother in law once ended up in the hospital with what amounted to chronic constipation, and the doctor told her to lay off the chocolate (and drink more water - krauts tend to drink all day what I drink at one meal.)
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
Back when condoms were called “prophylactics”, didn’t they used to have a notice on the box, required by some Neanderthal law or other, that said “For the Prevention of Disease Only”?
On a similar line; KY Jelly has no instructions on it at all. Imagine what people are doing with the stuff.
Fools. Dont they realise its a tasty toast topping treat?
THis bloke has decided to set up a website for discussions on the proper use of KY.
It’s because the stuff stinks to high heaven. Dry skin, to me, is preferable.
I often find myself running down the dtreet with scissors held by the handle.
Some people would claim that you would be likely to poke your i out, but you obviously landed on your s…
**Computer keyboards: ** my computer keyboard has a lovely little warning saying that if I use it I may be causing myself untold damage. mmmmm - leaves me in a bit of a dilemma.
**Packet Cake Mix: ** You mean you are supposed to cook it??? But it tastes sooo much better as a gooey mess!
Okay… so they’re used for rumbles, or what? Plowshares? Juggling acts?
For me:
“Always use safety glasses”. I hardly ever do. If I’m a big hurry, and it’s obviously dangerous… grin… i close my eyes or look away.
“Always shut computer down before plugging in device”. Forget it. If the little card wants to blow itself up, so be it.
Books from England that say I can’t resell them. Too bad. Who do you British publishers think you are, Bill Gates?
“Do not open, no user servicable parts inside.” Guess it depends on what you mean by servicable.
“Always wear cycling helmet”. On a lazy ride through deserted back streets on a hot summer day? Who are you kidding?
That’s because you live in Phoneix. Is there anything BUT dry skin in Phoenix??
Sure. It’s called “sweat.” 
Q-Tips ? Don’t you all know you should never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear?
Has anyone actually read the ATMB before they began posting here?
I always giggle whenever I see an ad for the iPod (a portable MP3 player) or something like it, where there is a tiny disclaimer on the bottom of the screen along the lines of “Please don’t pirate music.”
Oh, and PunditLisa, I read somewhere that some printers (no specific brands were mentioned) can distinguish between their own cartridges and toners and generic ones and switch into a lower quality mode if you don’t use theirs. But then, a lot of people are paranoid.
I can’t believe no one’s mentioned Speed Limits and Stop signs.
Ok, at the risk of sounding like a complete and total idiot, I’ll take this thread a step further and admit that the only reason we bought Super-Soakers[sup]TM[/sup] when I was a kid was to put gasoline in them and use them as flame-throwers. Supposedly they had some safety feature that wouldn’t let the flame come back into the resevoir (did the designers know what we were going to use these things for?) but, in retrospect, I seriously doubt that was true considering that they were made entirely out of plastic. I’m probably lucky I made it through adolecense without a Darwin Award.
Most teachers show videos and DVD’s with the big FBI warning in them. (Do not show in schools/prisons/mental institutions etc.)
Am I the only one that pictures Q-tips as a ramrod pushing earwax into the ear canal like gunpowder into a cannon??
Gimme a bobby pin any day!!
Alot of people don’t seem to know the proper way to use a Q-Tip. You don’t just grab one, ram it in your ear and go to town. You have to take a really hot shower and stay in it long enough to melt all the wax in your ears. Then you slowly put the Q-Tip in until you feel the slightest bit of resistence or pain and start swirling away. Orgasm optional.
The Dilbert website had a poll a long time ago about the stupidest workplace injuries. I was shocked at how many people apparently thought they could trim their fingernails with the paper shredder. :eek:
Personally? Plastic pellet air guns: “Do NOT point at people!” Yeah, right. My friends and I go into the woods at night with these things and blast the crap out of each other. Stings like hell, though.
Coincidentally, Sublight, when I was about 16, we used to make blowguns that fired darts made by cutting a Q-tip in half, inserting a needle, and using a match to melt them together.
Those suckers would stick in the wall with no problem- that is, if we missed each other. Good times.
Mmmm, nowhere on the jello package does it say you can put alcohol in it…
and yet my new favourite dessert would be electric jello.
I’m a bad bad girl…