# Professional Driver…Closed Course. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 26, 2002, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189 "2002-03-26T15:04:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/21 "2002-03-27T16:58:45Z")
I’ve got a 30 foot ladder that warns me not to perch on the top step. Der. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/22 "2002-03-27T17:11:49Z")
This reminds me of a Chevrolet commercial where they demonstrated the new Front-wheel drive cars, by towing a trailor. The rear wheels of the car were removed, and the included the disclaimer “do not attempt this with your car”. What is realy sick is that somebody could try this, wind up getting injured, and SUE GM! It seems that where lawyers are concerned, common sense and basic physics don’t matter! But the best one I remember was an instruction manual in my friends BMW car: “Warning: do nat attempt to remove the fan belt while the engine is runnin”😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/23 "2002-03-27T17:35:14Z")
I saw directions for how to boil water on the side of an instant soup package once. Things aren’t looking good for the human race. And I also noticed that my antiperspirant comes with directions for use. “Underarms?!? This stuff goes on your underarms? We-e-e-ll, if you say so. Sounds pretty weird to me though…” And the ubiquitous disclaimer: “Discontinue use if rash or irritation develops.” I don’t think they should put that on labels; I think people who continue to use a product after it gives them weeping armpits pretty much get what they deserve. Oh, and another car one - in the commercial, the guy driving a Hugo tries to jump over a broken bridge, and slams into the other side and does a faceplant in the river beneath. This was done by a professional driver on a closed course. I have a feeling that this one I could duplicate. ---
**Author:** ![Macro\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Macro\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macro_Man)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/24 "2002-03-27T18:39:37Z")
How about the commercial for the Chevy Tracker SUV: Guy driving a Tracker passes a broken down tractor-trailer. Tracker guy puts it into reverse, gets out, and (to the truck driver’s chagrin) hooks up the semi to pull it to safety. Chevy then puts in little letters on the bottom of the screen that the Tracker actually cannot pull the semi. So in no uncertain terms you say you truck can pull a semi that weights 15 tons, then in fine print say it can’t? WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/25 "2002-03-27T18:58:22Z")
What peeves me off is that they’ll put a disclaimer up when they’re showing a 4x4 driving up the side of the Washington Monument, but don’t say a damn thing when they show their truck speeding past a snowplow on an icy/snowy highway. Suuure, drive however you want on an icy road, but please, don’t try to jump a drawbridge, 'cause THAT would be dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Winnowill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Winnowill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnowill)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/26 "2002-03-27T19:30:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Macro Man \* > \*\*How about the commercial for the Chevy Tracker SUV: > > Guy driving a Tracker passes a broken down tractor-trailer. Tracker guy puts it into reverse, gets out, and (to the truck driver’s chagrin) hooks up the semi to pull it to safety. Chevy then puts in little letters on the bottom of the screen that the Tracker actually cannot pull the semi. So in no uncertain terms you say you truck can pull a semi that weights 15 tons, then in fine print say it can’t? WTF? \*\* I wondered about that one, too. What’s the point? However, regarding the OP and the Saturn VUE outrunning the giant cat - if there are giant cats on the closed courses, I don’t wanna be there. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/27 "2002-03-27T21:15:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > I saw directions for how to boil water on the side of an instant soup package once. Things aren’t looking good for the human race. I had a particularly thick roommate who had joined the Army out of high school, been medically discharged and moved back home with mommy and daddy before eventually landing in my lap. He called me into the kitchen one time, pointed to a vigorously bubbling pot of water, and asked, “That’s boiling, right?” Weep for the future. The temptation was very strong to say, “No, actually it’s not boiling yet. Wait just a second . . . okay, there, now it’s boiling.” But playing with his mind would be kind of like frolicking in an empty sandbox, know what I mean? ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/28 "2002-03-27T21:25:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*I’ve got a 30 foot ladder that warns me not to perch on the top step. > > Der. \*\* Ya know, this one I can’t complain about. I usually don’t use 30-foot ladders, but I’ll admit that on my shorter (6-10’) ladders I’ve regularly stood on the top step if I couldn’t reach from the next step down. But I know it’s risky and I wouldn’t sue if I took a tumble. Sua ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/29 "2002-03-27T21:31:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*I’ve got a 30 foot ladder that warns me not to perch on the top step. > > Der. \*\* Ya know, this one I can’t complain about. I usually don’t use 30-foot ladders, but I’ll admit that on my shorter (6-10’) ladders I’ve regularly stood on the top step if I couldn’t reach from the next step down. But I know it’s risky and I wouldn’t sue if I took a tumble. Sua ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/30 "2002-03-27T21:39:41Z")
I see the Saturn commercial as it being a bunny-sized SUV, not a giant lion. > [@](#): > > _originally posted by ralph124c_ > It seems that where lawyers are concerned, common sense and basic physics don’t matter! I think that you should replace lawyers with marketing. I’ll bet company lawyers cringe at the commercials where they suggest that you do something stupid with your car, because they know someone will try it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/31 "2002-03-28T15:34:32Z")
I wish we lived in a world where, if someone tries something stupid and they get injured or killed, everyone just shrugs and says, “He was trying to do WHAT? Well, he got what he deserved then.” THAT’S the world I want to live in. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/32 "2002-03-28T15:43:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\*I wish we lived in a world where, if someone tries something stupid and they get injured or killed, everyone just shrugs and says, “He was trying to do WHAT? Well, he got what he deserved then.” THAT’S the world I want to live in. \*\* Me too. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/33 "2002-03-29T03:54:31Z")
I agree with everything being said here. BUT…I actually know someone who once mixed tobasco sauce, mustard, ketchup, BBQ sauce, Olive oil, eggs, hot pepper, and god knows what else, made about a full 8 oz. glass of that stuff, and drank the whole thing. Why? Because when Bugs Bunny did it, it made smoke come out of his ears, and it looked cool. He vomited for 6 hours straight. I was ashamed to call him friend at that moment. One more thing that isn’t really in the same vein, since these warnings are mandatory, and necessary for people who take the drugs, but when I hear: Take **Paxil** …it’ll cure your social anxiety disorder. Oh, it also may cause, dizzyness, nervousness, sexual side effects, TREMOR, nausea, and sleepyness, among others. Boy. makes me want to go sign up: I can just imagine how confident I’ll be in public now that I’m stumbling around with a limp dick, shaking, while falling asleep in my own vomit. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/34 "2002-03-29T04:27:32Z")
I like the warnings that make you wonder about the efficacy of the product…like the one on the anti-insomnia drug I was taking which warned, “May cause drowsiness.” _May_ cause drowsiness, I ask? ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/35 "2002-03-29T20:33:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*Jman \*\*\* > Boy. makes me want to go sign up: I can just imagine how confident I’ll be in public now that I’m stumbling around with a limp dick, shaking, while falling asleep in my own vomit. BBQ Pit line of the week. I’m guffawing here. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/36 "2002-03-30T02:10:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Macro Man \* > …fosters (indeed mandates) this sort of inane warning. Reform the liability laws now, for Crissakes! > > Anyone else? Any other examples? \*\* My personal favorite. This door to remain unlocked during business hours… I know its a fire exiting issue but I can never help but think… Well fred we have been in the restaraunt business for 2 weeks now, not a single customer. Whaddya say we unlock the door today and see if that helps. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/37 "2002-03-30T21:11:49Z")
I can’t believe no one’s mentioned my favorite. I have one of those sunshades which goes on the inside of your windscreen to keep the car cooler in summer, and I swear on the inside it says: > [@](#): > > Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. You mean, not being able to see out of my windshield would be a bad thing?:rolleyes: CJ ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/38 "2002-03-31T17:03:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by E-Sabbath \* > \*\*Ring does not enable user to fly. > > No, I’m not kidding, Chaim can back me up, I suspect. \*\* Warning: Ring may cause invisiblity, insanity, and loss of digits. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/39 "2002-03-31T19:13:44Z")
The sad part is that such warnings are there because they are often necessary. In a college football movie a few years ago, a scene depicted a self-destructive player laying down on the dividing line of a busy highway, as an example of his self-destructive behavior. He was joined by a few other players, but nobody got hurt. Several teen morons decided to imitate this scene, and a couple were killed as a result. This became national news, and the news reports sometimes showed a brief clip of the scene in question, along with the explicit warning that people doing this have been killed. After seeing the story on the news, a new rash of severe injuries sprang up among the morons who hadn’t seen the movie, but had seen the news report. If people will lay down on a busy highway because its “cool”, they’ll do just about anything. I don’t blame companies for trying to protect themselves and the rest of us from such idiots. ---
**Author:** ![headshok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189/40 "2002-04-01T23:16:43Z")
I just bought a package of Merita Brown 'n Serve rolls at the supermarket. You know, the ones that come in the plastic bag, and you just pop 'em in the oven for a few minutes before dinner? The warning on the back… “ **Do not bake rolls in this polyethylene lined package**.” What gets me is the presumption that anyone who would actually bake the rolls in the bag would know what “polyethylene” is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-driver-closed-course/100189.md?page=3)