# Professional services to adult male virgins. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 12, 2009, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480 "2009-10-12T02:41:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/1 "2009-10-12T02:41:18Z")
There was an article in a Dutch magazine ([here it is, in Dutch](http://74.125.77.132/search?q=cache:DZ9AbUwueE0J:www.novis.name/images/VK-M_Inwijders.pdf+%22volkskrant+magazine%22+maagd&cd=1&hl=nl&ct=clnk&gl=nl)) about “sex coaches”, a professional service to adult men who were still virgins and didn’t want to be. The article was called: “Finally doing it”. I wondered if there was such a thing in the US, and if anyone tried it. Before you say: “Yeah, they’re called hookers”, no, this was something different. The article described men in their forties for whom sex just never happened. And by now, their virginity had gotten so charged emotionally that it actually stood in the way of getting a meaningful relationship. “What if she finds out I’m a virgin” “What do I _do_?” etcetera. The service consisted out of a few sessions of therapist talks, followed by a few practice dates with a woman “physical therapist”. The woman enjoyed guiding the men through the process, gave them gentle feedback , taught them the basics. There were also males providing the same service for female virgins who didn’t want to be virgins anymore. The article made it sound like a good thing, and a good solution to a very real problem. ETA Well, apparently there is. This is the first link ([SFW](http://www.yoursexcoach.com/)) I got from googling “sex coach” . ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/2 "2009-10-12T03:03:58Z")
I think this is an excellent idea - not just for the men, but also for the women who they will eventually have relationships with. Elevating sex onto a pedestal is stupid. Like anything else in life, it’s a skill that can be learned, can be taught, can be done poorly or can be done well. It’s good that there are professionals who can help men for whom this is an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/3 "2009-10-12T03:20:08Z")
I totally agree. Here is the link to a BBC documentary [“Virgin school”](http://www.aquarion.nl/cms_c01/Modules/PaginaA/PaginaA_Module.asp?MenuItemID=0&SessionID=73499276020650470842872155&CustID=518&StyleComID=97&ComID=97&ModID=8730&ItemID=0&GeenFrameset=1#) of a 26 year old guy who followed their program. But the article said most clients are men in their forties, and that such virgins constitute about 4 % of the population. (below: bad babelfish translation from the Dutch article) > [@](#): > > The coaching is not cheap: average 5,000 euro. The agency so far has had 85 clients. The coaching includes coaching conversations with the senior therapist, with a male coach, sessions with an intimacy coach to get used to touching, and finally a number of times sexual intercourse with an initiator". Then there is the aftercare in the dating scene. > `These men fall between the cracks" says Vanderstad, the senior lady therapist. " They are too shy to rent an escort, and too insecure to find a girlfriend. Even while they try their best, all dates fail. Simply because they do not know what they must do if the date _would_ succeed". That next step is the one Vanderstad helps them with. The man who signs up gets one of the woman initiators assigned -the men have no choice in the matter- which changes him into a lover, in five to eight sessions, spread over a period of six months. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/4 "2009-10-12T03:24:07Z")
Every time I read anything about the Netherlands - whether it be 17th-century history or current-day events - makes it more and more appealing to me. William the Silent, Maurice and Frederik Hendrik really outdid themselves when they set up that place. That’s it - I’m going. I’m fuckin’ going. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/5 "2009-10-12T03:33:56Z")
One of my mom’s friends (she would never tell me which one) did something like that twenty years or so ago in California. Mom referred to her as a “sexual surrogate.” ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/6 "2009-10-12T18:46:27Z")
Meh! We neighbourhood boys had the pretty widow to teach us. Wait did I say that out loud? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/7 "2009-10-12T19:06:40Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Elevating sex onto a pedestal is stupid. > [@](#): > > The coaching is not cheap: average 5,000 euro. How much do you spend on things you do put on pedestals? ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/8 "2009-10-12T19:12:16Z")
**Maastricht** : In the US, sex coaches are sometimes called “sexual surrogates.” > [@](#): > > “My favorite clients are the 40-year-old virgins,” she said. “Everybody is shocked, but there are a number of men out there who, for whatever reason, have not had many successful sexual experiences or none at all.” [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29881206](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29881206) ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/9 "2009-10-12T19:15:20Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Every time I read anything about the Netherlands - whether it be 17th-century history or current-day events - makes it more and more appealing to me. William the Silent, Maurice and Frederik Hendrik really outdid themselves when they set up that place. > > That’s it - I’m going. I’m fuckin’ going. Yeah Baby, you’ll dig it the most. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/10 "2009-10-12T20:05:03Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > That’s it - I’m going. I’m fuckin’ going. Apparently, we Dutch are not progressive at all, but merely doing everything thirty years later then you guys in the USA. > [@](#): > > Besides, after AIDS, Viagra, the explosion of sexual information, the mainstreaming of sex therapy, surrogacy came to seem an anachronistic and somewhat embarrassing holdover from the ‘70s, like orange shag carpeting, maxi-skirts and men with goldfish in their platform shoes. Still, I think it is a good idea. But then again, I wear maxi skirts, too. 🙂 And am I the only one who this reminds of the “donii women” and “First Rites” of the Clan of the Cavebear novels? ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/professional-services-to-adult-male-virgins/513480/11 "2009-10-12T20:32:43Z")
i’d just like to point out that the Google advertisment currently displays “12-hour bladder infection cure” Who was the computer programmer responsible for this? Maybe ,ya know, a 40 year old guy? 🙂