# Promiscuous sexual activity--necessarily damaging to women? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576 "2008-11-07T01:44:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/41 "2008-11-07T23:15:48Z")
Frankly, I think that a guy who disdains a woman because she gives blowjobs is going to disdain her no matter what. If she **doesn’t** , he’ll call her an ice queen or prude; if he actually married her he’d be the sort who refers to his wife as “that bitch” to his like minded friends. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/42 "2008-11-07T23:52:13Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > And whether or not an act is actually degrading, the perception and judgement other people have about it can cause trouble. That was a point I was trying (and failed) to make, thanks **JD**. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/43 "2008-11-08T00:01:15Z")
I have to say that I have a similar concern about boys/men who will screw whatever girl offers herself for whatever act she will perform with him. I find it incredibly hard to fathom how naive/trusting/hard up some guys are-- you will put your dick into the tooth-lined mouth of a stranger? You’ll have unprotected sex with a woman you don’t know? Want to give that same “slut” 17% of your salary for 18-21 years and/or catch an incurable STD from her? Crazy, self-destructive stuff. Yet men do it, and laugh about it. You rarely hear similar issues about their lack of self-respect and self-regard, but it’s just as unhealthy and worrisome, if not for their reputation, for their health and wallet. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/44 "2008-11-08T01:26:30Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Yeah, it was that attitude I was picking up on in the thread about the 13 year old. (I’m going to try to link to it later.) Granted, I think we can all agree that a thirteen year old giving oral sex to guys to get them to like her is unhealthy. But I wasn’t getting that attitude from the people at all–it was more like, “Do you really think guys respect you, etc.” I don’t know, I think that disturbed me more–it was less concern for someone potentially hurting themselves and more like guys will think of you as a used up piece of trash if you go around doing this. > > And that surprised me because it wasn’t “She could get an STI or pregnant”–it was no one respects her. And if she’s a competent adult who can consent–why not? Looking at the thread in question now, it wasn’t until midway through the third page that posters started expressing concern for the stepdaughter being degraded. The shift in tone came after the OP revealed that his stepdaughter had described sex as “gross” but said she’d given her boyfriend a blowjob because “boys expect it if the girl is going to be seen as ‘cool’”. Until that point it HAD been concern about STDs, pregnancy, and the fact that the girl was too young to know what she was getting into. Once it became clear that the stepdaughter had become a giver of blowjobs just to seem “cool” to her peers, I think it was quite appropriate for people to express concern that she was degrading herself. There isn’t anything inherently degrading about wanting to give or receive sexual pleasure, but being pressured into performing sex acts when you don’t really want to do IS degrading. Especially when the “woman” in question is nowhere near being a competent adult but is a 7th grade girl. Since the girl’s stated goal was to win admiration from boys, I can understand posters pointing out that her method was going to backfire on her. I don’t know that it would be a good idea for the girl to hear that from her mother or stepfather because that might reinforce the idea that she _should_ be acting with the sole intent of winning approval from boys, but as far as I saw that didn’t happen. I didn’t read past page 3, so I don’t know if the girl’s parents made her wear a scarlet “BJ” or if posters started saying that adult women who enjoy giving blow jobs are all pathetic tramps. But judging from the first three pages, I think you misread the tone of the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/45 "2008-11-08T01:31:01Z")
Well, granted, this is about a 13 year old, so I’m aware that sexual activity at that age probably isn’t the best idea. But for example, the post down here by **Martin Hyde** isn’t really about concern for the kid, but more about the idea that that kind of thing just makes a girl trashy, easy, etc. I guess that just disturbs me. Or the ideas espoused by **msmith** upthread. I can grok why (for a kid) sex is bad, I’m just curious about the attitude that she’s degrading herself, she has no self-respect, etc. > [@My Step-Daughter](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-daughter/301026/184): > > When I went to junior high a girl that gave BJs at age 13 was called a slut and a whore behind her back. She got attention from the dirtbag guys that just want BJs and more. After getting used by a few guys like that, the girl is completely perceived as a whore and that’s the end of it for her, she’s a whore until she graduates high school and she’ll only attract the dregs of the school population when it comes to guys. Not to mention she’ll be socially outcast from many school groups. > > That’s not necessarily fair or right but that’s just how it was where I went to school. I mean, the girls that started openly having sex in HS, that was one thing (although in HS well over 50% of the guys I knew were virgins, and trust me, a guy isn’t going to say he’s a virgin to another guy unless he really is) but the girls that slept around in junior high were socially ostracized. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/46 "2008-11-08T02:32:54Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well, granted, this is about a 13 year old, so I’m aware that sexual activity at that age probably isn’t the best idea. But for example, the post down here by **Martin Hyde** isn’t really about concern for the kid, but more about the idea that that kind of thing just makes a girl trashy, easy, etc. > I guess that just disturbs me. That’s not how I take his post at all. It seems to me that he’s just stating the harsh reality (at least at his school) that girls who have sex that young will not be treated well by their peers. He’s concerned that the stepdaughter is going to wind up a pariah because of her misguided attempts to be “cool”. > [@](#): > > _Or the ideas espoused by **msmith** upthread. I can grok why (for a kid) sex is bad, I’m just curious about the attitude that she’s degrading herself, she has no self-respect, etc._ I really don’t know another way to think of a young girl who’s trying to trade sexual favors for social acceptance. That IS pathetic and degrading, and I feel very sorry for any girl who thinks that little of herself. Women (and men) shouldn’t have sex unless they actually want to have sex. I’d feel sorry for a grown woman who felt she had to have sex with men to make them like her, but it’s really sad for such a young girl to have such an unhealthy attitude. I’m not comfortable with the idea of 13 year olds having sex even under the best of circumstances, but the story in the linked thread would have disturbed me less if there had been any indication that the girl had enjoyed herself or had been acting out of her own sexual desire. But it certainly sounded like this was not the case. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/47 "2008-11-08T03:16:43Z")
There is nothing wrong with having a healthy sexual appetite. You can have one without being promiscuous. Even if there is nothing inherently degrading about promiscuity, the attitudes of the participants can make it so. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/48 "2008-11-08T04:11:48Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Because men who fuck random women are studs who just want orgasms, but women who fuck random men are desperate and want “validation”? > > Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better, hon. I don’t we mentioned anything about men, hon. But thanks for inventing something to get yourself worked up over. First of all, I think the nature of the act makes it less degrading towards the man. He’s not the one with a cock in his mouth and a bunch of spooge in his face. And second, yeah, I wonder about a guy who constantly fucks random women, can’t seem to maintain a relationship or even stay faithful to one woman. Sure, at first we’re like “what a stud”. But after a point it’s like “why is this guy unable to maintain any real intimacy with women?” Then again, some people just don’t like having to pick one flavor of ice cream for the rest of their lives. **Freudian Slit** - Remembering back to my younger days, I think whenever I met the type of girl wo had sex with the lacross team or an entire fraternity, I always got a vibe that she was trying to ingraciate herself into the group, no matter what. It always seemed based on status and not any particular love of sex. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/49 "2008-11-08T04:59:49Z")
I’m sure I’ll get slammed for this, and I’ll probably deserve it, but I’ll give a qualified yes. It’s not so much that promiscuity necessarily CAUSES damage, but I think excessive promiscuity is INDICATIVE of damage. Back in my unmitigated asshole days, when I was doing every woman I could, the ones who were least discriminating were always the ones who were hurting very badly inside. I don’t mean to say that **EJsGirl** (to pick a name out of the thread) is suffering any trauma because she likes fucking; but girls who just can’t say no have been hurt in some very traumatic fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/50 "2008-11-08T05:04:32Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Because men who fuck random women are studs who just want orgasms, but women who fuck random men are desperate and want “validation”? > > Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better, hon. Men who fuck random women are often expressing some very disturbing and disturbed crap themselves. ---
**Author:** ![sjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@sjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjc)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/51 "2008-11-08T05:38:24Z")
I pretty strongly feel that there’s nothing inherently degrading about promiscuous sex by men or women. At the same time I can see that it can at times come from an unhealthy place in the person. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/52 "2008-11-08T05:43:39Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Please. The girl who goes around blowing the football team or banging half the guys in a fraternity house? No one respects her. I might. Depends on why she’s acting the way she does. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/53 "2008-11-08T15:36:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I don’t mean to say that **EJsGirl** (to pick a name out of the thread) is suffering any trauma because she likes fucking; but girls who just can’t say no have been hurt in some very traumatic fashion. No offense taken, don’t worry. I agree that it is a question of motivation in many cases. A girl who is already damaged (self-esteem, abuse, whatever) and is merely acting things out could be additionally traumatized by her own sexual behavior. But it’s not that some girls “can’t say no” just because we say “yes.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576/54 "2008-11-08T16:17:00Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I don’t we mentioned anything about men, hon. But thanks for inventing something to get yourself worked up over. Sorry, my knee was a little jerky yesterday. > [@msmith537](#): > > First of all, I think the nature of the act makes it less degrading towards the man. He’s not the one with a cock in his mouth and a bunch of spooge in his face. I guess that depends on how you feel about cock and spooge. Personally, I’m a fan. Are \*you \*somehow degraded by giving oral sex? Because, again… I personally have never thought less of anyone for having my pussy all over their face. Isn’t having contempt for people who have sex with you fundamentally _self_-loathing? > [@msmith537](#): > > And second, yeah, I wonder about a guy who constantly fucks random women, can’t seem to maintain a relationship or even stay faithful to one woman. Sure, at first we’re like “what a stud”. But after a point it’s like “why is this guy unable to maintain any real intimacy with women?” > > Then again, some people just don’t like having to pick one flavor of ice cream for the rest of their lives. I agree that it depends on the reason. Some people just aren’t built for commitment, and some people have issues, and there’s a fair amount of overlap. You can usually tell the difference, though. > [@msmith537](#): > > **Freudian Slit** - Remembering back to my younger days, I think whenever I met the type of girl wo had sex with the lacross team or an entire fraternity, I always got a vibe that she was trying to ingraciate herself into the group, no matter what. It always seemed based on status and not any particular love of sex. This I wholeheartedly agree with. Fucking the whole lacross team is one thing, but bragging about it is just _tacky_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/promiscuous-sexual-activity-necessarily-damaging-to-women/471576.md?page=2)