Pronouns in bio question

[StarvingButStrong]

I’m old and retired, and I’ve only once had to fill out a form that asked for preferred pronouns. I had a sudden urge to put down she/him/their just to see what would result.

[MrDibble]

@HMS_Irruncible

I assume there are also he/they

I have mine down as “he/him or they/them” at work

[EastUmpqua]

@Senegoid

In modern English (and I think at least some other modern Western languages), the entire need to specify pronouns lies with the third-person pronouns only, which are the only ones that are gendered. There is never any need to specify one’s first-person and second-person pronouns.

But I want to specify my first-person pronouns. I choose we/our. That way I can say to someone ‘we are not amused’. If a waiter says ‘how we doing today?’, have they just assigned me a second-person pronoun?

[Mean_Mr.Mustard]

@SanVito

You’re never in a meeting when you might refer to someone else in the meeting? ‘Can I introduce Sarah, she’s been integral to helping me put this presentation together’?

Serious question. If Sarah prefers they/them, would you be expected to say, “Can I introduce Sarah, they’ve been integral to helping me put this presentation together”?

mmm

ETA: Now that I read it, dumb question.

[BigT]

@EastUmpqua

@Senegoid

In modern English (and I think at least some other modern Western languages), the entire need to specify pronouns lies with the third-person pronouns only, which are the only ones that are gendered. There is never any need to specify one’s first-person and second-person pronouns.⁢

But I want to specify my first-person pronouns. I choose we/our. That way I can say to someone ‘we are not amused’. If a waiter says ‘how we doing today?’, have they just assigned me a second-person pronoun?⁢

This is actually something that I’ve seen. However, it indicates that the person sees themselves as not a single person.

[Senegoid]

@EastUmpqua

I choose we/our. That way I can say to someone ‘we are not amused’. If a waiter says ‘how we doing today?’, have they just assigned me a second-person pronoun?

We/our are first-person plural pronouns, not second-person.

[dtilque]

@Senegoid

We/our are first-person plural pronouns, not second-person.

So use the plural ‘you’ and not the singular ‘you’.

[MrDibble]

@Mean_Mr.Mustard

Serious question. If Sarah prefers they/them, would you be expected to say, “Can I introduce Sarah, they’ve been integral to helping me put this presentation together”?

mmm

ETA: Now that I read it, dumb question.

There are no dumb questions, and yes, that is exactly how I refer to people with explicit they/them pronouns, or nowadays to anyone that hasn’t made their pronouns explicit.

[SanVito]

@BigT

This is actually something that I’ve seen. However, it indicates that the person sees themselves as not a single person.

Hence much beloved of British monarchs, as they represent a nation. Also, famously Margaret Thatcher ‘We have become a grandmother’, which perhaps says more about Thatcher than it does about the English language.

[md-2000]

Where do the rules of grammar say the pronouns have to be third person? Those would be the same rules that allow “they” for singular. Do we need to use those pronouns instead of “who” or “whom”?

Basically, when it comes to the pronoun thing, there are no rules except that the HR can discipline you should you break the unwritten rules that don’t exist.

[RitterSport]

Sorry, deleted.

[Mangetout]

@filmore

If someone says “I’m Quinn Davis She”, it’s not clear if ‘She’ is the last name or Quinn’s preferred pronoun. But if you hear “I’m Quinn Davis She Her”, you’re much more likely to realize that her name is Quinn Davis and she prefers the pronouns She/Her.

Makes sense.

I’ve also seen ‘He/They’ and similar, which I assume means the writer accepts either male or neutral pronouns.

[Mangetout]

@HMS_Irruncible

Some people use contrived pronouns whose declension is not well-established. What is the object form of “ze”? If I’ve never used it, I can’t know unless someone tells me. Even if someone tells me it’s “zir”, another person may prefer “hir”. It would be nice if this was standardized, but that probably isn’t happening, so people need to list their own preference.

I find some of these a bit tricky for the exact reason you say. - for example I’ve encountered: zxm/zxs and 𐎭𐎠/𐎭𐎠𐎼
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with these.

[BigT]

@Mangetout

I’d assume one of two things in that case:

1. They’re mocking the concept. This is unfortunately common.
2. It’s a brown M&M thing, to see who will show respect and who won’t.
3. It’s both: they think they’ll be outing “virtue signallers.”

[HMS_Irruncible]

@md-2000

Basically, when it comes to the pronoun thing, there are no rules except that the HR can discipline you should you break the unwritten rules that don’t exist.

This is incorrect. The very clear rule is to call someone what they want to be called.

This is not a new thing with pronoun preferences. Some folks have a habit of doing stuff like “Nice to meet you, Sandeep. Boy that’s hard for me to remember, I’ll just call you Sammy.”

If Sandeep asks you not to do that, and you keep doing it, he could complain to HR and you could get written up. Not because there’s anything special about Sandeep or his name, but because you’re being a jerk by calling him by the wrong name after you’ve been told he doesn’t like it.

Same deal with pronouns. It’s just another name. People have a right to choose their own terms of address, and only jerks refuse to honor that.

[What_Exit]

Modnote: This is off-topic for FQ.