# Proof that you're a Real Bachelor(tm) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 18, 2005, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713 "2005-10-18T05:08:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/41 "2005-10-18T20:31:02Z")
Like some others in here, I’ve had to swear off my slovenly ways since getting married. Before that, however… I think the low point may have been when one of my roommates came in and found me sitting at the computer, staring at the two cans of beer I was holding. I could not, for the life of me, remember which can had simply gone warm and which can I had peed in. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/42 "2005-10-18T20:39:15Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > I think the low point may have been when one of my roommates came in and found me sitting at the computer, staring at the two cans of beer I was holding. I could not, for the life of me, remember which can had simply gone warm and which can I had peed in. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/43 "2005-10-18T20:41:32Z")
Shoot. I can’t be a real bachelor because I have an antimaccassar. It came with the recliner my parents gave me to get going. The recliner does have a spot on it where a cat vomited on it that I’ve never been able to remove–does that negate the presence of the anitmaccassar? I’m pretty good at keeping the place clean. Yeah, there’s paper around and most horizontal surfaces are covered in about two inches of paper, CDs, model kits, and other things, but the dishes are always at least soaking and the bathroom gets cleaned every week. And the clothes get put away. As for the dishes, I claim immunity by being an organic chemist. You soak your glassware in a solution of Alconox until you need it again (which could be a week or more), then you pull it out, rinse and dry it off, and use it. My dishes wind up doing pretty much the same except they’re soaking in Dawn instead of Alconox (mostly because I can’t get my hands on any Alconox.) I could tidy the place fairly quickly if I needed to. What I really need is a filing cabinet and some more bookshelves. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/44 "2005-10-18T21:58:52Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > The underwear you wore today becomes the napkin you use tonight. I’ve used laundry to mop up spilt beer. The beer was spilt because it was knocked by falling dirty dishes. Do I win the prize? ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/45 "2005-10-18T22:14:58Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > I’ve used laundry to mop up spilt beer. The beer was spilt because it was knocked by falling dirty dishes. Do I win the prize? Nah. Sorry. You spilled beer, not warm pee in a beer can. Nice try, though. Maybe you get an honorable mention. ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/46 "2005-10-18T22:51:59Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > If it takes more than two steps to cook it, i don’t > If the shirt has no stains, and smells ok (with a shot of Fabreeze if needed), I’ll wear it again and again > If I can squeeze one more thing into the trashcan, it doesn’t need to be put to the curb. HAHA! Female here too. I used to use perfume on the used stain-less shirts (or shirts with say, coffee stains that could be covered), but then you reek of perfume. I discovered the Febreeze trick about 2 weeks ago. And of course the garbage can isn’t full if you can squeeze several more things in there and probably pile some more on top. Cooking - I’ll either do up a fabulous meal that I’ll buy exactly enough ingredients for, or buy frozen pizza or deli food or takeout or something. So there’s never food in my cupboards. I’m not getting any action in the bedroom, and haven’t for months, sadly. Upside? No real need to wash the sheets very often! And I hate remaking the bed, so this is wonderful for me. Except, you know, for the no sex thing. And yes, the floor is for dirty clothes, and the hamper is for the laundry I’ve washed and haven’t worn yet. ---
**Author:** ![Fredescu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/73ab20/32.png) [@Fredescu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredescu)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/47 "2005-10-19T00:16:39Z")
The wonders of Spam. If you’ve ever dug frozen sausages turned purple with age from the depths of your freezer, Spam is for you. It’s meat that keeps in the cupboard forever\* and you can substitute it for _any_ meat in _any_ recipe should you be overcome with an inexplicable urge to cook. Personal highlights have been Spam Chow Mien, Spam Bolognese, and Butter Spam (Indian Butter Chicken Sauce), but the possibilities are truly endless. Spam: It’s not just for hardcore Monty Python fans and ironic internet addicts. [sub]\* Term “forever” used relatively. Spam sealed in its can will last closer to forever than real meat.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/48 "2005-10-19T01:12:00Z")
> [@amaranta](#): > > HAHA! Female here too. I used to use perfume on the used stain-less shirts (or shirts with say, coffee stains that could be covered), but then you reek of perfume. I discovered the Febreeze trick about 2 weeks ago. And of course the garbage can isn’t full if you can squeeze several more things in there and probably pile some more on top. > > Cooking - I’ll either do up a fabulous meal that I’ll buy exactly enough ingredients for, or buy frozen pizza or deli food or takeout or something. So there’s never food in my cupboards. > > I’m not getting any action in the bedroom, and haven’t for months, sadly. Upside? No real need to wash the sheets very often! And I hate remaking the bed, so this is wonderful for me. Except, you know, for the no sex thing. > > And yes, the floor is for dirty clothes, and the hamper is for the laundry I’ve washed and haven’t worn yet. ok - floor for the dirties, hamper for the clean but not yet put away, BUT !exercise bicycle for the maybe dirty but still wearable! ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/49 "2005-10-19T01:48:57Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > > [@SHAKES](#): > > > > Also, my dirty clothes serve a second purpose BEFORE they make it to the hamper. > > Ugh. That’s gross even for a guy. Umm… just what else should a guy do with the discharge that is associated with one’s daily mental health maintenance? Using tissue/paper towels just doesn’t seem appropriate - not only do they tear when wetted, they’re not something one can wash and use again. I use my empty tissue box for dirty tissue. It’s incredibly convenient - it is usually full just before it’s time to get a new box - so it’s both a trash receptacle and a purchase timer. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/50 "2005-10-19T01:55:14Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Almost half the floorspace in my guest bedroom is taken up by comic book boxes. that doesn’t make you a bachelor - just a geek 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bubba\_jr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@bubba\_jr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba_jr)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/51 "2005-10-19T01:59:13Z")
some of you are all confused. The empty beer cans go over on the right side of the desk, if you pee in one, it goes even further to the right, even if it means pushing empty ones back to the left. If drinking whiskey, that goes on the left of the full beer and the tea cup used as an ashtray goes on the right, this eliminate ashing in the whiskey. Clean clothes go in the dryer, or the empty microwave box next to the dryer that is full of clothes that you don’t ever remember wearing, so you don’t know why you washed them, and can’t be bothered to put away. Clean clothes are also allowed to come out of your duffle bag that was last used when you went on vactation 4 months ago. Dirty clothes do go in the hamper since I have a built in one in the bathroom, questionable clothes go on the counter in the bathroom. And yes febreeze is handy for when you run out of laundry soap, though I’ve found a combination of liquid handsoap and Arm and Hammer carpet deodorizer work quite well in the washing machine. However dishes can stink and must be done at least every 4-6 weeks with no more than half the sink allowed to get full, I take a full bore effort at that and will fill the sink up with hot soapy water for days on end until I actually do them. I won’t mention the Bic pen I keep in the bathroom to push the soapscum and shaving hair down the drain. The drain screen is recessed about 4" below the bottom of the sink, so its not easy to get to. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/52 "2005-10-19T02:46:28Z")
I am informed that the true bachelor solution to the dirty dishes problem is to keep one side of your sink full of a bleach-water solution. When done with a dish, drop it in there. When you need a dish, fish one out, rinse it off, and you’re good to go. That’s what I’m _told_, at least. ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/53 "2005-10-19T04:10:01Z")
> [@bubba jr](#): > > However dishes can stink and must be done at least every 4-6 weeks Depends on what the ambient temperature is, so you can just lower your thermostat a few degress to gain some extra time. …Or so I’m told. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/54 "2005-10-19T07:40:44Z")
Achieving Real Bachelorhood does NOT cancel your status as a [girlyman](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=339070). You must still earn the requisite 96 Real Man credits by age 21 to achieve Real Man status, plus 12 more per year until age 65 to retain said status. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/55 "2005-10-19T07:44:20Z")
> [@Nametag](#): > > The oil is obtained by pressing the seeds of the ylang-ylang tree and named for the district of Macassar in Indonesia from which much of it originated. It is reputed (particularly in its area of origin) to be an aphrodisiac and to promote the growth of hair. (From Wikipedia) This is why they say you’ll grow hair on your palms if you press your ylang-ylang. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/56 "2005-10-19T12:34:54Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > that doesn’t make you a bachelor - just a geek 😃 The two go hand-in-hand. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/57 "2005-10-19T12:48:53Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > The two go hand-in-hand. 🙂 They certainly seem too. The massive comic collection is geeky, having it out in the middle of the floor of one of the rooms of the house is the tacky, bachelor-bit. I’m not terribly untidy - but I do lack any sense of style. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/58 "2005-10-19T14:16:40Z")
I have a four bedroom house. -One bedroom is stone empty. -The other has a spare mattres and box spring leaning against the wall, that’s it. For years I’ve been saying I’ll furnish those rooms or use them for something. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/59 "2005-10-19T21:06:18Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Put dirty laundry in the hamper? Are you mad? It goes on the floor! That’s how I know it’s dirty, since I keep my clean clothes in the hamper till I use them. No no no. Dirty laundry goes on the floor on one side of the bed. Clean laundry goes on the floor on the _other_ side of the bed. There is no need for this “hamper” of which you speak. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713/60 "2005-10-20T01:58:22Z")
You’re not a true bachelor until you’ve used the toaster to light a cigarette, dropped the butt into an empty beer can, realised that the can wasn’t empty after all, then shrugged and kept on drinking. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proof-that-youre-a-real-bachelor-tm/326713.md?page=4)