# proper Mother's Day etiquette **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2012, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479 "2012-05-10T05:41:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ThreadPirateRoberts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9a28c/32.png) [@ThreadPirateRoberts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreadPirateRoberts)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/1 "2012-05-10T05:41:08Z")
So, my Dad has bee dating this woman, Robin, for about 6 months now. He has moved in with her and took **mudgirl** with him since she needed a mother figure in her life. It’s looking pretty serious between the 2 of them. However, she and I are not close at all and I was wondering what if anything I should do for her for Mother’s Day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/2 "2012-05-10T07:21:59Z")
I’d say a small token of some kind, maybe a potted plant or a small flower arrangement. Personally, I’d avoid a card, since there probably isn’t one that quite expresses your feelings. If I were in the girlfriend’s position, I wouldn’t really expect anything at all, so some little remembrance would be very sweet. It’s just mostly a matter of letting her know you accept her in your dad’s life. You don’t have to do anything too effusive. Just my 2 cents. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/3 "2012-05-10T07:59:22Z")
Does she have children of her own? I acknowledge all mothers in my life on Mothers Day- my own mother and grandmothers (when the grandmothers were alive), my aunts (who have kids), my sister-in-law, and my friends who have kids. My mother gets a gift. The others get a card, if we’re especially close, or a verbal wish of “Happy Mothers Day” if I see or talk to them on that day (maybe a “Happy Mothers Day” via Facebook). If this woman has children of her own, a “Happy Mothers Day” card or verbal greeting is nice. If she doesn’t have kids of her own, I see no cause for acknowledgment. Six months is recent, she is still very new in your father’s life and is certainly in no way a mother figure to you. **mudgirl** is who? Your sister? If she has already at this point been investing herself in your sister’s life _and_ if your sister is still a child, maybe a small gift or card would be appropriate if you feel she is having a positive impact on your sister’s life. If your sister is already and adult and this woman and your sister are still feeling each other out, exploring the _possibility_ of a close relationship, then I think you can wait it out to see what the situation is like by Mothers Day next year. If she one day marries your father she will be your stepmother, but as you are already an adult I think it’s fair that any acknowledgement be based on how close you actually are and how important she is in your life. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/4 "2012-05-10T11:14:32Z")
IIRC, **ThreadPirate** and **mudgirl** are the daughters of doper **norinew** who died unexpectedly and far too young last year. And mudgirl is a teenager Chocolate is my advice. Chocolate is ALWAYS acceptable. I think it’s a sweet idea. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/5 "2012-05-10T11:27:37Z")
I don’t think you need to do anything, you don’t have a maternal-type relationship with this woman so what would you be acknowledging? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/6 "2012-05-10T11:36:49Z")
If you’re not comfortable doing something for her on your own, you can help **mudgirl** do something for the girlfriend–lend her money, take her shopping, supervise while she crafts something, etc. If you do want to do something, a simple note or blank card telling her that you appreciate what she’s doing for your sister would be appropriate and well-received by anybody who’s worth spitting on, much less someone fit to be a mother figure within your family. ---
**Author:** ![ThreadPirateRoberts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9a28c/32.png) [@ThreadPirateRoberts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreadPirateRoberts)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/7 "2012-05-10T15:18:08Z")
First of all, I would like to say that you are correct **Aspidistra** about who **mudgirl** is to me. I would also like to reply that I talked to my dad about it and he told me that he does not want me to do anything for Robin on Mother’s day. To quote my dad, “You are an adult, you had a mother. A good mother. This year focus on her.” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/proper-mothers-day-etiquette/621479/8 "2012-05-10T15:20:10Z")
> [@ThreadPirateRoberts](#): > > First of all, I would like to say that you are correct **Aspidistra** about who **mudgirl** is to me. > > I would also like to reply that I talked to my dad about it and he told me that he does not want me to do anything for Robin on Mother’s day. To quote my dad, “You are an adult, you had a mother. A good mother. This year focus on her.” That sounds like good advice from your dad. If you want, do something nice for her (make dinner, whatever you think would be good) for her soon, not necessarily on Mother’s Day. My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was in college. I’ve liked the boyfriends that my mom has had (she’s been serious with one guy now for many years) but never did/do anything for them on Father’s Day - I do give Christmas presents. I had a dad. **mudgirl** may eventually decide that whoever your dad ends up with is a mother figure or a second mother or a stepmom or whatever, but I think this year is too early to be thinking about that kind of label.