# Propose units for things that cannot be measured **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [January 24, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795 "2009-01-24T16:20:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/1 "2009-01-24T16:20:21Z")
I suggest the **Grinbar** for happiness - It’ll be an SI unit, so the standard Grinbar is the amount of happiness increase caused by giving a lollipop to a selected “reference toddler” who must be kept at the International Bureau of Weights and Measures in Paris. In common usage, it might work something like “Pittsburgh gained 3.8 gigagrinbars as the Steelers advanced to the Superbowl.” What’s your unit? ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/2 "2009-01-24T16:35:01Z")
Sex appeal from 1 to 10 boners. ---
**Author:** ![Garula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ea666f/32.png) [@Garula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garula)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/3 "2009-01-24T18:34:32Z")
I believe the standard unit of measure for evilness is the Kilo-Nazi. From Futurama we learn that coolness can be measured in Mega-Fonzies. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/4 "2009-01-24T18:47:54Z")
I like the **milliHelen** - the amount of beauty needed to launch a single ship. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/5 "2009-01-24T19:42:29Z")
The unit used to measure badassedness is the **picoNorris** ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/6 "2009-01-24T19:54:13Z")
And the related unit, the Chan: a measurement of how much butt was kicked. Remember, 2 dimples = 1 cheek, 2 cheeks = 1 butt, 10 butts = 1 dojo. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/7 "2009-01-24T21:01:45Z")
what a great opportunity to link a fine thread from the achives called [where is smithereens](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=290967&highlight=smithereens) > [@](#): > > Mass: 25.375 smithereens equal 1 flinder > > Volume: One shitload equals 25 bushels, the capacity of the John Deere’s MS 1102G; their smallest ground-driven manure spreader. One Hell of a shitload equals 660 bushels, the capacity of the MS 1260, their largest hydraulic-powered manure spreader > > Area: Seventeen all over Hell’s Half Acres equals 1 way the fuck and beyond. > > Time: 5 million waiting here with my thumb up my ass equals one Jump Jesus. 20 Jump Jesuses equal one Hell freezes over > > Indeterminates: One couldn’t care less equals 1 could care less. 40 milliequvalents of could/couldn’t care lesses equals one better than a sharp stick in the eye. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/8 "2009-01-25T05:00:17Z")
We could measure stupidity in milli-DarwinAwards. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/9 "2009-01-25T05:52:35Z")
> [@Civil\_Guy](#): > > We could measure stupidity in milli-DarwinAwards. Which would be the inverse of units of smartness, like how Hz=1/s. I’m not sure what that would be though. Maybe centiEinsteins? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/10 "2009-01-25T06:19:24Z")
The **microBush** for measurement of how horrendous a thing is. “Damn, that party sucked ass. Must have registered at least 45 microBushes.” ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/11 "2009-01-25T06:40:50Z")
The unit for impatience is known as the **fidget**. The reference unit is a 30-year-old man in line behind an 80-year-old paying by check at a supermarket. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/12 "2009-01-25T08:31:27Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > The unit for impatience is known as the **fidget**. > > The reference unit is a 30-year-old man in line behind an 80-year-old paying by check at a supermarket. I propose that the fidget should increase on a logarithmic scale. ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/13 "2009-01-25T16:32:53Z")
As long as I can remember, I’ve used the Cubic Shitload to define the most that you can have of anything. My scale: a bit ( \< one) one a couple a few some a lot a whole lot a load an ass load (Southern term, I think) a shitload a metric shitload a cubic shitload ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/14 "2009-01-25T17:25:37Z")
FFF - Food Fart Factor. A composite unit of three digits, each digit 0-9 expressing: - quickness, i.e. time elapsed from eating to first fart. - foulness - volume For example, broccoli is 857, cabbage is 788 ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/propose-units-for-things-that-cannot-be-measured/482795/15 "2009-01-25T19:30:43Z")
One Hell: The amount of fun you had at a really good party. Example: That was One Hell of a party. Hell: The excruciating pain of a bad party. That party was Hell.😃