# "Prove you're an atheist" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 12, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440 "2006-06-12T16:11:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/41 "2006-06-12T18:32:51Z")
> [@](#): > > I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER MY LIFE! > I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER WHERE I LIVE AT! > I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER MY FAMILY! Am I christian or a tampon now? ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/42 "2006-06-12T18:57:58Z")
My head started spinning and I spewed pea soup _everywhere_. (… THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU, BITCH!) Oh my. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/43 "2006-06-12T19:02:12Z")
What kind of instrument would one apply the blood of Jesus with anyway? I mean, I was originally planning on going with the Black & Decker Power Painter, but my buddy over in Oshtemo tells me you can’t go wrong with the Wagner Power Sprayer. My dad keeps telling me that you have to do it the old-timey way, with a broad paint brush, but I think he’s just old. And yet something tells me that you might be better off using a good quality juicer on your Jesus and then just going all Jackson Pollock with the Lord. Decisions, decisions. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/44 "2006-06-12T19:20:38Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > That’s easy for **you** to say! ;j Mock me if you will ! At least _I’ll_ be [eaten first](http://www.o-ox-ox1.org/cthulhuchick/) ! Ha ! Cthulhu ftahgn ! ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/45 "2006-06-12T19:22:53Z")
I tried to do the test, but my cubemates were giving me _really_ odd looks (even odder than the ones I usually get, I mean), so I aborted. Not sure what that proves. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/46 "2006-06-12T19:25:54Z")
That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/47 "2006-06-12T19:30:43Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > Your worry’s in the wrong place. > > Know how sometimes, it’s a perfectly nice day, not a cloud in sight, and you feel a drop or two of water landing on your skin, as though it were starting to rain? You look around, but can’t figure out where it came from and so you figure you imagined it? > > Those are fundamentalists walking around with holy-water spray bottles. You’ve been baptized and don’t even know it. > > Be safe - wear a wetsuit. It’s also great to protect you against the Blood of Christ, should there be any being flung around in the vicinity. No, that’s me. I did the whole online-ordination thingy, and now I drive around performing drive-by baptisms. ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/48 "2006-06-12T19:30:57Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > I tried to do the test, but my cubemates were giving me _really_ odd looks (even odder than the ones I usually get, I mean), so I aborted. > > Not sure what that proves. That only godless heathens have abortions? ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/49 "2006-06-12T19:32:42Z")
I’m thinking if the author of the glurdge gets enough takers, Jesus will give him a free toaster. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/50 "2006-06-12T19:36:47Z")
I prefer applying the blood of jesus via a blood-balloon fight. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/51 "2006-06-12T19:38:58Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > I’m thinking if the author of the glurdge gets enough takers, Jesus will give him a free toaster. But real Xtians don’t toast their bread, they _smite_ it. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/52 "2006-06-12T20:02:32Z")
I gave it a shot. It didn’t work, but maybe that’s 'cuz I was laughing to hard during the blood of Jesus frenzy. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/53 "2006-06-12T20:05:34Z")
> [@Bobotheoptimist](#): > > Darn it! I so wanted to wallow in the love of someone who would torture his son to death to make up for his own poor planning skills. **Bobo** , that there is genius, pure genius! 😃 Oh, and I couldn’t even _read_ the damn thing without gagging. If I actually said it outloud, I could very easily vomit while my head was spinning. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/54 "2006-06-12T20:06:18Z")
Have you been to Jesus for the cleansing power? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb? Are you fully trusting in His grace this hour? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb? Refrain Are you washed in the blood, In the soul cleansing blood of the Lamb? Are your garments spotless? Are they white as snow? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb? Are you walking daily by the Savior’s side? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb? Do you rest each moment in the Crucified? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb? Refrain When the Bridegroom cometh will your robes be white? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb? Will your soul be ready for the mansions bright, And be washed in the blood of the Lamb? Refrain Lay aside the garments that are stained with sin, And be washed in the blood of the Lamb; There’s a fountain flowing for the soul unclean, O be washed in the blood of the Lamb! Refrain :eek: ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/55 "2006-06-12T20:06:41Z")
You guys are forgetting your symbolism. In the Holy Sacrament of Communion, the Blood of Christ is present in the form of wine. I’ll drink to that! ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/56 "2006-06-12T20:12:55Z")
> [@](#): > > I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER MY LIFE! > I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER WHERE I LIVE AT! > I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER MY FAMILY! That’s a lot of blood. Going to need a God dam to stop it. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/57 "2006-06-12T20:17:59Z")
> [@John Mace](#): > > You guys are forgetting your symbolism. In the Holy Sacrament of Communion, the Blood of Christ is present in the form of wine. I’ll drink to that! Unless you believe in transubstantiation, in which case it’s just blood and you can’t get smashed off it. Unless of course you do, in which case the Main Man was way over the limit and pumping ethanol at the last supper. I’ll call Dan Brown to check… ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/58 "2006-06-12T20:19:01Z")
I read both three times. So now I’m an atheist? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/59 "2006-06-12T20:31:22Z")
[Huge Nitpick] **(because this is the Straight Dope® and some of you people are behaving in ignorance)**. A heathen is not an atheist. An atheist is not a heathen. Heathens are simply pagans in Germanic countries in the way that pagans are heathens in Latin countries. The two words mean the same thing “those rubes who still believe in the old pantheons of polytheism.” Neither means atheist. If you must address yourselves in generic terms, try “infidels,” “unbelievers,” “skeptics,” or other words indicating an absence of belief. Quit using words that indicate a type of belief to indicate a lack of belief. - ahem \* Sorry. I have seen “heathen” used to mean “unbeliever” just one time too many over the last few days and it finally broke my reticence to interfere with other persons’ rants. You may now proceed with your thread. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/60 "2006-06-12T20:44:07Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Unless you believe in transubstantiation, in which case it’s just blood and you can’t get smashed off it. Unless of course you do, in which case the Main Man was way over the limit and pumping ethanol at the last supper. I’ll call Dan Brown to check… I’ll tell you what, you let me pick the wine, and I’ll take my chances on the whole transsubstantiation thingy! 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440.md?page=4)