# "Prove you're an atheist" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 12, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440 "2006-06-12T16:11:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/61 "2006-06-12T20:48:09Z")
Wow, now I know how to rile up **tomndebb**. “You people,” my Og. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/62 "2006-06-12T21:07:32Z")
> [@Steve Wright](#): > > Well, I tried it. However, if I go any further with this, I might have to get circumcised, which is not something I want to contemplate at my time of life. (Though, I grant you, it would be less messy than applying the blood of Jesus everywhere.) I’m pretty sure you can get it out of the carpeting with club soda. God’s everpresent, supreme love is no match for carbonic acid. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/63 "2006-06-12T21:08:30Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > I’m pretty sure you can get it out of the carpeting with club soda. God’s everpresent, supreme love is no match for carbonic acid. Gawd but this made me giggle like mad. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/64 "2006-06-12T21:41:10Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > I’m pretty sure you can get it out of the carpeting with club soda. God’s everpresent, supreme love is no match for carbonic acid. Is it wrong to want to .sig this, even though I’m a Christian? Susan ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/65 "2006-06-12T22:22:15Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > I read both three times. So now I’m an atheist? No, you’re Beetlejuice. ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/66 "2006-06-12T22:44:35Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > [ Huge Nitpick (because this is the Straight Dope® and some of you people are behaving in ignorance). > > A heathen is not an atheist. > An atheist is not a heathen. > > Heathens are simply pagans in Germanic countries in the way that pagans are heathens in Latin countries. The two words mean the same thing “those rubes who still believe in the old pantheons of polytheism.” Neither means atheist. If you must address yourselves in generic terms, try “infidels,” “unbelievers,” “skeptics,” or other words indicating an absence of belief. Quit using words that indicate a type of belief to indicate a lack of belief. > > - ahem \* Sorry. I have seen “heathen” used to mean “unbeliever” just one time too many over the last few days and it finally broke my reticence to interfere with other persons’ rants. > > You may now proceed with your thread. Minor kciptiN - That’s interesting and all, but doesn’t exactly jibe with the dictionary definitions ([cite](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=heathen)) and ([cite](http://www.webster.com/dictionary/heathens)), nor with the masters usage ([cite](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_145.html)) (In a previous life I dared to make your point in reference to this very [column](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_145.html)\* in “Comments on Cecil’s Columns” and was sternly informed that I was wrong) Dictionary definition of Heathen - An unconverted member of a people or nation that does not acknowledge the God of the Bible One who is regarded as irreligious, uncivilized, or unenlightened. Such persons considered as a group. I think it’s fair to say that an atheist could be considered unenlightened or irreligious by your run-of-the-mill Christian. I have never heard _anyone_ else claim that “pagan” is a Latin heathen. Cite? “Pagan” may be Latin _for_ “heathen”, but that’s different. Webster has an example - “as in ancient Rome” and the word _is_ of latin roots, but that doesn’t mean it applies only to someone in Latin countries, for goodness sake. I admit it, I’m a pagan… er, I mean “heathen” (Irish Celtic pantheon, so that’s germanic, right?) so I’m a little sensitive about proper usage as well, but having been slapped down in the past, and having the dictionary against me, I have to concede that “heathen” does indeed mean “godless”. Not just “one who dwells on the heath” as I was taught in Wiccan 101. Not that I want to annoy a mod, but there you go. - I don’t remember what my email was back then, so I couldn’t join as that username, but I tried ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/67 "2006-06-12T22:44:57Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > I’m thinking if the author of the glurdge gets enough takers, Jesus will give him a free toaster. No, you get a toaster for making someone else turn gay. The glurgers probably get some dreadful piece of religious “art” like a plastic dashboard Jesus, or a print of “Footprints” to hang in their home. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/68 "2006-06-12T22:57:22Z")
I applied the blood of Jesus, but a rash developed and I had to discontinue use. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/69 "2006-06-12T23:01:50Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > No, you get a toaster for making someone else turn gay. > > The glurgers probably get some dreadful piece of religious “art” like a plastic dashboard Jesus, or a print of “Footprints” to hang in their home. You’re better off waiting to claim the prize till you turn a few more, the toaster isn’t that great. The bread catches fire before it can toast properly, but then what can one expect from a gay toaster. 🙂 And I always thought infidel was a much more fun word than heathen, although ‘you godless heathens!’ does have a certain ring to it. Come on, try it…You INFIDEL! it’s just fun to say. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/70 "2006-06-12T23:07:36Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > You’re better off waiting to claim the prize till you turn a few more, the toaster isn’t that great. The bread catches fire before it can toast properly, but then what can one expect from a gay toaster. 🙂 I’m not gay, but I’m so unattractive, most of the guys I’ve been interested in have decided they’d rather be gay than go out with me. Am I eligible for a prize for turning them gay anyway? Do I have to go to San Francisco to pick it up, or do they deliver to the East Bay? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/71 "2006-06-12T23:18:52Z")
If the approximately 1,200 times I recited the Lord’s Prayer as a child didn’t do it, I doubt that three repetitions will. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/72 "2006-06-13T00:49:50Z")
> [@John Mace](#): > > You guys are forgetting your symbolism. In the Holy Sacrament of Communion, the Blood of Christ is present in the form of wine. I’ll drink to that! But if you spill it on the carpet, will it be a blood stain or a wine stain, and what do you use to clean it up? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/73 "2006-06-13T00:52:50Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > I’m pretty sure you can get it out of the carpeting with club soda. God’s everpresent, supreme love is no match for carbonic acid. Hey, if club soda can get out cat vomit stains, it should be able to handle some godly effluent. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/74 "2006-06-13T00:55:42Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > But if you spill it on the carpet, will it be a blood stain or a wine stain, and what do you use to clean it up? Okay, if the club soda doesn’t work after all, just [make a joyful noise unto the Lord](http://www.shoutitout.com/) and you’re good to go. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/75 "2006-06-13T01:11:36Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > [SIZE=3] > A heathen is not an atheist. > An atheist is not a heathen. Aw, c’mon, it’s way more fun to say heathen. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/76 "2006-06-13T01:15:49Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Okay, if the club soda doesn’t work after all, just [make a joyful noise unto the Lord](http://www.shoutitout.com/) and you’re good to go. Bless you, my son. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/77 "2006-06-13T01:27:28Z")
I didn’t even have to read it. I just passed my hands over the screen three times and was born again. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/78 "2006-06-13T01:32:23Z")
> [@Glurge-o-Matic](#): > > SPEAK OUTLOUD > SATAN, IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE MY MIND, BODY, LIFE, > AND SOUL TODAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS! Of course, a heathen atheist might easily get the two unfamiliar names bass ackwards… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/79 "2006-06-13T01:43:12Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > A heathen is not an atheist. > An atheist is not a heathen. It’s not about ignorance, it’s about fun. Nobody thinks “atheist” is funny, but if I want to break up the monotony by occasionally saying I’m a heathen, infidel or a nothing, it gets the same message across. If you like, even if it’s not correct, consider that it’s actually a satire of our mostly-Christian culture. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2006, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440/80 "2006-06-13T02:38:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Subject: Want To Prove that You are a Real Atheist? TAKE THIS TEST!!! > > Want to prove that you are a real atheist? > Say this out loud > > If you are a real a real atheist, say this prayer out loud three times > right now: > If there is no God, then these prayers will have no effect on you, but if > there is a God, they will. Okay, I’m confused. According to these rules, if the prayers have no effect, it doesn’t actually prove that I’m an atheist: **it proves that there is no God.** This seems like a peculiarly retrograde form of evangelism. “TAKE THIS TEST!!! If nothing happens, then Christianity is a total crock, and I’m just a randomly deluded freak with a blood fetish! YOUR FRIEND, ANONYMOUS” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/prove-youre-an-atheist/360440.md?page=5)