# Provide snarky responses to advertizing BS **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 6, 2015, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396 "2015-05-06T16:55:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/1 "2015-05-06T16:55:03Z")
My wife bought a bag of apples from the local supermarket. In large letters, the bag declared “Gala apples! Sweet & Juicy! Eats like a dream!” “Eats like a dream” ??? You mean, I need to eat the apple while walking through an office building in my underwear, or while driving down the road with a circus clown in the passenger seat, or some other suitably surreal situation? Dammit, I just wanted a piece of fruit to put in my lunch! ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/2 "2015-05-06T17:25:14Z")
Going back a few years: “Delta gets you there”. That’s pretty much the minimum I’d expect from an airline. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/3 "2015-05-06T17:27:13Z")
Once I saw a supermarket ad for LONG GREEN cucumbers. With illustration. I wanted the shorty pink ones, dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/4 "2015-05-06T17:30:44Z")
It’s some sort of product that relieves gas, don’t remember the name. It’s one of those commercials where they make it look like they’re conducting live interviews on the street and recording honest-to-gosh reactions from typical people. One woman says something like “I just don’t have time for gassy buildup.” What, you mean you allowed gassy buildup to be in your schedule BEFORE, then decided you didn’t have time for it LATER? “Hmmm, I believe I’ll have my gassy buildup at 1:00, right after lunch… oh wait, I’m scheduled to go the quilting bee at that time, and then I’ve got the PTA meeting… oh dear God, when will I ever have time for gassy buildup?” ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/5 "2015-05-06T17:34:01Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > Once I saw a supermarket ad for LONG GREEN cucumbers. With illustration. > > I wanted the shorty pink ones, dammit. To be fair, though, the supermarket may have been advertising so-called [English cucumbers](http://www.ochef.com/189.htm), which **do** tend to be longer and greener than the more common types of cucumbers. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/6 "2015-05-06T17:38:43Z")
Ah, so if I take this pill, I get rid of that itch, but the side effects include exploding bowels, blood spurting out my eyes, and my head bursting into flame? :dubious:Sign me up! ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/7 "2015-05-07T19:36:50Z")
“Good to the last drop.” But the last drop is deadly poison. “Barqs, Good since 1889.” Before that it tasted horrible. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/8 "2015-05-07T19:44:03Z")
[QUOTE=furryman] “Barqs, Good since 1889.” Before that it tasted horrible. [/QUOTE] “And we admit that A&W tastes better” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/9 "2015-05-07T19:56:18Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > To be fair, though, the supermarket may have been advertising so-called [English cucumbers](http://www.ochef.com/189.htm), which **do** tend to be longer and greener than the more common types of cucumbers. To be even more fair, there are [other types](http://www.burpee.com/vegetables/cucumbers/specialty-cucumbers/cucumber-lemon-prod000691.html) of cucumbers. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/10 "2015-05-07T22:25:22Z")
“We’re American Airlines, doing what we do best.” Crashing and burning. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/11 "2015-05-07T22:35:51Z")
There’s a television ad for something (educational, maybe) that starts out with the line “Children are like sponges.” The very first time I saw that commercial, my immediate response was “Soggy and full of germs?” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/12 "2015-05-07T22:45:28Z")
“Switching to GEICO could save you fifteen percent or more on your insurance! You know, just like switching to _any_ insurance company. Heck, just calling up your current insurance company and saying _‘Captain America would beat Batman in a fistfight’_ could save you fifteen percent or more on your insurance. It’s a bit stupid, innit?” ---
**Author:** ![AZRob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/azrob/32/3003_2.png) [@AZRob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AZRob)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/13 "2015-05-08T05:46:06Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > “Good to the last drop.” > But the last drop is deadly poison. > > “Barqs, Good since 1889.” > Before that it tasted horrible. Tee hee. I think that any time I see a “Since” motto. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/14 "2015-05-08T06:07:34Z")
Ivory Soap is 99.44% pure. Thing is, the remaining 0.56% is smegma and salmonella. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/15 "2015-05-08T16:09:52Z")
“LINZESS can cause serious side effects, including diarrhea, the most common side effect, which can sometimes be severe.” Everybody! Stay away from Lynn! ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/16 "2015-05-08T17:20:42Z")
The Prolia commercial with Blythe Danner (for osteoporosis) has some stupid wordplay regarding taking a break versus getting a break. The line’s so lame I don’t know how Danner could say it. :rolleyes: Bonus points for the side effect of bone breakage. For an osteoporosis med. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/17 "2015-05-08T17:31:58Z")
For anything that’s “New and improved!”: _You know that crap we’ve been telling you to buy for the last 30 years? Well, forget it! It really sucks!_ ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/18 "2015-05-08T18:25:16Z")
Any commercial which emphasizes free downloading: “Sure, the download may be free, but what’s the charge for actually using it?” ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/19 "2015-05-08T18:27:48Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > For anything that’s “New and improved!”: > > _You know that crap we’ve been telling you to buy for the last 30 years? Well, forget it! It really sucks!_ Wizards of the Coast really overdid this when they went for 4th edition- they knocked their ow 3.5 edition endlessly. They then found out 4th ed was unpopular, and quickly started selling re-imaged 3.5 products- the ‘stupid crap’ they had just been telling people was outdated and bad. ---
**Author:** ![stosh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@stosh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stosh)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396/20 "2015-05-09T16:41:28Z")
anything that can help something. digging a bullet out of your ass with a coke spoon can help, but there are better ways of doing it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/provide-snarky-responses-to-advertizing-bs/719396.md?page=2)