# PSA: Don't tell your black female coworker that you remind her of the Democratic VP candidate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 1, 2020, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518 "2020-09-01T13:02:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2020, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/21 "2020-09-01T22:19:10Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I told him (and the 10 people who were listening in) that I remind myself of Halle Berry, which of course got some snorts and chuckles. I look nothing like Halle Berry. But it was the only thing I could of think of to escape the awkwardness of the moment. You handled that deftly - I commend you. @Smapti - yeah, I had the same thought. I don’t know if it is still this intense, but a decade or two ago, Bob Marley was quite worshiped in Central Java. Here are two more facts: Black men in dreadlocks were not a common sight there. Indonesians tend to be very friendly and think nothing of starting conversations with people who are obviously foreigners. I’ll leave it to the reader to imagine what it was like for Black men with a particular hairstyle to wander around Jogjakarta. Let’s just say I’ve been told it’s a pretty exhausting experience. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/22 "2020-09-02T00:01:03Z")
To Monstro - I would have been tempted to respond something like this: You: “That’s a good one. You know who you remind me of? Guess!” Him: “Uh, I don’t know…” You: “No, c’mon, guess!” Him: “I have no idea, really.” You: “Really, no idea? GUESS!” (you could repeat this loop way past discomfort for comedic effect…) Finally tell him a name of some random white dude who is nothing like him: “Carl Ichan!” “Steve Buscemi!” “Rudolph Nureyev!” …but that’s just my sense of humor working. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/23 "2020-09-02T00:03:55Z")
You are both smart and strong willed, so there is that, but gauging by the picture, I dont see much physical resemblance. Maybe he meant smart and strong willed. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/24 "2020-09-02T04:16:36Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > Nitpick: Shouldn’t the thread title be “Don’t tell your black female coworker that _she reminds you_ of the Democratic VP candidate”? As worded, the OP seems to be saying that he himself is reminiscent of Kamala Harris in the eyes of his black female coworker. I think this is a great thread, but I agree with this and don’t see it as a nitpick. I was honestly confused. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/25 "2020-09-02T10:47:11Z")
Sorry about the title. I have a little bit of lysdexia sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/26 "2020-09-02T12:24:57Z")
You were nice to this idiot (minor league idiot, but idiot nonetheless), but you don’t have to be, IMO. You’re not obligated to be nice to the ignorant, or to smooth out awkward situations that stem from ignorance and idiocy. You’re also not obligated to educate every idiot that says something dumb. I think your reaction was fine. Other possible reactions that would be fine, IMO: “Whatever.” (yes, it will be awkward for him, and that’s okay) “Come on, dude.” “Oh, actually, she’s my cousin.” “Really? What about me reminds you of her?” And many more. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/27 "2020-09-02T12:40:22Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > “Oh, actually, she’s my cousin.” That’s a hilarious response, because I can see my coworker (and others) falling for it. When I started working at my workplace, people kept asking if I was related to So-and-So in accounting because we looked just alike. “You could be cousins!” And then I would eventually find out who So-and-So was and it would just be a rando black person with no similarity to me other than that. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/28 "2020-09-02T12:55:29Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > That’s a hilarious response, because I can see my coworker (and others) falling for it. > > When I started working at my workplace, people kept asking if I was related to So-and-So in accounting because we looked just alike. “You could be cousins!” And then I would eventually find out who So-and-So was and it would just be a rando black person with no similarity to me other than that. This doesn’t surprise me in the least. Truly one of the best (or worst) of the white privileges is the privilege of utter cluelessness. That level of cluelessness gets you killed if you aren’t white. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/29 "2020-09-02T15:24:17Z")
Every once in a while, someone might say, “Hey, you remind me of X!” Often, I find it interesting or amusing (or even flattering). However, if that statement is based solely on my (perceived) ethnicity or skin color then 🤨, especially if the person can’t come up with any other actual similarities. ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/30 "2020-09-02T16:00:19Z")
I unroll my napkin from the silverware and fold it very precisely and crease it to stay flat when eating at a restaurant. Once an acquaintance said I reminded them of Denzel Washington in “The Equalizer” who does a similar thing. I launched into a story about how my son went to school with Denzel and about 15 years ago Denzel was in town and they had lunch and I was invited also. Denzel watched me folding my napkin and remarked, “I can use that!” Over ten years later he made “The Equalizer”. The guy stares at me, not sure how to take it. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/31 "2020-09-02T16:05:26Z")
THAT made my day. Well played. If I were the OP (at an in-person meeting), I’d’ve looked around and said "Does anyone _else_ want to say the first thing that pops into their head like _DAAAAVID_ did? (Swivel quickly and crane neck to stare at him, but clearly for comedic effect). See, this is why we need to get back to in-person meetings. I just can’t make fun of people like that on Zoom. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/32 "2020-09-02T16:11:27Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Whereas I apparently look exactly like every dark-haird man ever who has a moustache. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you and Freddie Mercury in the same place at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/33 "2020-09-02T16:17:06Z")
Ug, I’m sorry that happened to you. Some people are just that clueless. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/34 "2020-09-02T16:22:30Z")
As an Asian man, I’ve been told more than once that I look like Bruce Lee. Some people simply feel the need to draw a line of connection between two dots in their mind. ---
**Author:** ![phs3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phs3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phs3)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/35 "2020-09-02T16:36:05Z")
I came home a couple of years ago and told my wife, "The cashier at Panera told me I look like Sean Connery. Unfortunately it was the geeky guy with the thick glasses\*, not the hot Latina chick. She professes to love me but still laughed uproariously. \*Not that there’s anything wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/36 "2020-09-02T17:16:36Z")
Sean Connery is neither a geeky guy with thick glasses nor a hot Latina chick. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/37 "2020-09-02T17:33:35Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > guess who I reminded him of Rory Calhoun? [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/1PaxLSxQblM/maxresdefault.jpg "Mr Burns and Rory Calhoun") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PaxLSxQblM) ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/38 "2020-09-02T17:53:44Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Twice, by two different people, my white husband who sports a full head of hair and is 5’10" on a good day has been told that he looks just like Sinbad - the black 6’4" bald comic popular in the 1990s. People are weird. (I get told I remind people of Audrey Hepburn, and its pretty impossible not to feel flattered, even if I wonder if they’ve misplaced their glasses) Well, not to excuse white cluelosity, but there can be resemblance across races. My store just hired a new puller, a young African-American man. I’ve never seen his face, since we’re all required to wear masks; but from the eyes up, he’s a dead ringer for the uber-white British actor Rufus Sewall. Different eye, skin, and hair color notwithstanding. The OP’s situation, though, does have a “You all look the same to me!” vibe. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/39 "2020-09-02T20:03:03Z")
There can be, though neither myself or my husband can see the similarities between a 6’4" black man with a shaved head (or closely cropped hair) and my husband - except they both have brown eyes and are “husky.” They don’t share facial features or mannerisms. And don’t tell me all overweight guys look alike. (I suspect the coworker meant it in terms of personality rather than looks - to get over the ‘you all look the same’ vibe, but there is sort of a backhanded racism in “wow, you are a strong, intelligent, articulate black woman, just like Kamala” that isn’t any better. Its a nice thing to think about a person, but the implication that that is unusual in black women is disturbing.) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2020, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/40 "2020-09-02T20:13:23Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > As an Asian man, I’ve been told more than once that I look like Bruce Lee. > > Some people simply feel the need to draw a line of connection between two dots in their mind. Nah, you look more like Dr. Ken Jeong. (quick runs and hides) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518.md?page=3)