# PSA: Don't tell your black female coworker that you remind her of the Democratic VP candidate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 1, 2020, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518 "2020-09-01T13:02:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Guy\_Incognito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guy_incognito/32/3920_2.png) [@Guy\_Incognito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_Incognito)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/41 "2020-09-03T01:02:18Z")
Was walking through Sears with my wife about 20 years ago. We were passing through the appliance department and a salesman came up to me for no apparent reason to tell me that I look like Jon Lovitz. I wasn’t offended, but I was very puzzled as to why he stopped us just to say that. That was the moment that I set out to destroy Sears & Roebuck. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/42 "2020-09-03T01:18:33Z")
It could be worse. I’ve been told I look like Christopher Lloyd. But seriously, I’m sure not going to tell my white, male coworker that he reminds me of Kamala Harris. But actually seriously this time, take it as a compliment because in no manner could be being compared to her be taken as an insult. Or just say: “Why, because we’re both smarter than you?” ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/43 "2020-09-03T01:35:08Z")
@E-DUB: > It could be worse. I’ve been told I look like Christopher Lloyd You mentioning a big-eyed celebrity just reminded me of something! Years ago I stumbled across a celebrity lookalike recognition app–one of those dealskie’s where you upload a photo of yourself and it tells you which celebrity looks the most like you. I was intrigued, so I decided to upload a photo of me. I’m not usually very photogenic, but I was looking cute in the picture. So I couldn’t wait for what cute-looking celebrity it was going to match me with. Apparently my celebrity twin is Steve Buscemi! We look nothing alike, but I could totally see the resemblance between the specific photo of him in the app’s programming and my photo. Our eyes were equally big and our smiles were errily similar. My father just happened to be with me and was actually angry that the app would besmirch my beauty like that. But now when I see Steve Buscemi I’m like, “That’s me!” ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/44 "2020-09-03T02:15:55Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Apparently my celebrity twin is Steve Buscemi! Now you have your comeback for the next time this happens: “Really? I thought I looked like Steve Buscemi!” ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/45 "2020-09-03T02:16:28Z")
This is an amazing thread. I’m astounded by the replies about how to be rude to people who are rude to you. Nobody I know is deliberately rude to rude people. It’s not even in the pit. It’s just mind blowing. Now I don’t know if you are all rude because you’re American? Or woke? Or old? It’s just joking, or just because it’s the internet, and you’d never actually behave like that in real life? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/46 "2020-09-03T02:47:16Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > This is an amazing thread. I’m astounded by the replies about how to be rude to people who are rude to you. Nobody I know is deliberately rude to rude people. It’s not even in the pit. It’s just mind blowing. > > Now I don’t know if you are all rude because you’re American? Or woke? Or old? It’s just joking, or just because it’s the internet, and you’d never actually behave like that in real life? To my ears as an American, I don’t really see anyone who has recommended something genuinely rude. They’ve mostly gone for a bit of humor in an attempt to simultaneously explain why the question was offensive, while keeping the situation lighthearted. That makes perfect sense to me as a response to someone they don’t think is trying to be harmful. He’s clueless in a way that comes across as offensive, so they’re trying to give him a clue before he does it in a place where it would cause him even more trouble. To be honest, your response surprises me, because my perception is that Australians are more tolerant of rudeness. I’ve heard several stories of using insults as affectionate nicknames, having rude customer service, and so on. And don’t forget that the word “cunt” is quite offensive over here. I suspect it’s probably just a cultural thing. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/47 "2020-09-03T06:25:19Z")
I’ve had more than a few people tell me I look like Ted Cruz. Fortunately, the senator has done the honorable thing and grown a beard so that I don’t have to be compared to him anymore. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/48 "2020-09-03T10:28:19Z")
Can you post an example of a rude response? I’m not seeing what you are seeing at all. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/49 "2020-09-03T10:45:47Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > As an Asian man, I’ve been told more than once that I look like Bruce Lee. Are you sure it wasn’t [Jackie Chan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuM6IkyeeZk)? ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/50 "2020-09-03T11:49:55Z")
Guy told me yesterday that I look like Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter). Um, I’m tall with dark hair with a shock of grey in it. Turns out it was it was because I was wearing cargo shorts like he always did. Nephew says I look like Neil Young, which is a bit closer to the truth, but not much of a compliment IMHO. YMMV. Actually, that was a compliment from my nephew as he loves Neil and made a hat for him once. ---
**Author:** ![Acerbic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acerbic/32/3695_2.png) [@Acerbic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acerbic)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/51 "2020-09-03T14:07:08Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > You were nice to this idiot (minor league idiot, but idiot nonetheless), but you don’t have to be, IMO. You’re not obligated to be nice to the ignorant, or to smooth out awkward situations that stem from ignorance and idiocy. You’re also not obligated to educate every idiot that says something dumb. I think your reaction was fine. Other possible reactions that would be fine, IMO: Sometimes people, even the ones who aren’t idiots, put their foot in their mouth. And given the amount of time we spend with our coworkers, we have ample opportunity to witness the insertion of feet into mouths. And while monstro is certainly not obligated to smooth out the situation, this is a person she will continue to have working relationship with in the future. It might be satisfying to put him in his place, but she’s got to work with this guy. At least he didn’t ask to touch her hair though. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/52 "2020-09-03T14:14:59Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Rory Calhoun? I _knew_ he looked familiar! > [@Guy\_Incognito](#): > > …That was the moment that I set out to destroy Sears & Roebuck. Wow, you’re doing a helluva job, I’d say… ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/53 "2020-09-03T18:51:36Z")
It is a good idea NEVER to compare someone you know to ANY famous person. Especially if you think you’re complimenting them. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/54 "2020-09-03T19:02:32Z")
That is a post worthy of Shakespeare, Melville, Wilde and Hemingway, **Ashtura**. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/55 "2020-09-03T19:28:48Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > > [@Dangerosa](#): > > > > Twice, by two different people, my white husband who sports a full head of hair and is 5’10" on a good day has been told that he looks just like Sinbad - the black 6’4" bald comic popular in the 1990s. People are weird. (I get told I remind people of Audrey Hepburn, and its pretty impossible not to feel flattered, even if I wonder if they’ve misplaced their glasses) > > Well, not to excuse white cluelosity, but there can be resemblance across races. My store just hired a new puller, a young African-American man. I’ve never seen his face, since we’re all required to wear masks; but from the eyes up, he’s a dead ringer for the uber-white British actor Rufus Sewall. Different eye, skin, and hair color notwithstanding. > > The OP’s situation, though, does have a “You all look the same to me!” vibe. To be fair, scientific studies show that, in general, humans tend to be very bad at telling people apart who are from a different race. So, it’s literally true that to a white person, black people tend to look more alike each other than white people look alike each other. And vice versa. That’s one of the things that makes eyewitness identification and things like police lineups very unreliable. This is one of the things that should assure us all that we aren’t immune from inherent bias and we should always be questioning ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/56 "2020-09-03T19:54:09Z")
Back the early 90’s I used to watch the show In Living Color featuring the Wayans family. The first time Kim Wayans appeared in a skit my husband and I both thought she strongly reminded us of our SIL, a white woman. They kinda had the same face, laugh and way they moved their mouth I sometimes see older black ladies of light color that remind me of my white grandma (RIP) ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/57 "2020-09-03T20:10:17Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > To be fair, scientific studies show that, in general, humans tend to be very bad at telling people apart who are from a different race. Which is why I think people should only point out a resemblance when they are addressing someone who is of the same race as them or they are doing a trans-racial comparison, like @Dangerosa’s Sinbad husband. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/58 "2020-09-03T20:10:57Z")
I was told I look like a rockstar! 🕶 That musician being Kyle Gass. 😰 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2020, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/59 "2020-09-03T20:11:13Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > > [@Acsenray](#): > > > > To be fair, scientific studies show that, in general, humans tend to be very bad at telling people apart who are from a different race. > > Which is why I think people should only point out a resemblance when they are addressing someone who is of the same race as them or they are doing a trans-racial comparison, like @Dangerosa’s Sinbad husband. Agreed ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2020, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518/60 "2020-09-04T02:08:36Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > To be fair, scientific studies show that, in general, humans tend to be very bad at telling people apart who are from a different race. So, it’s literally true that to a white person, black people tend to look more alike each other than white people look alike each other. And vice versa. While true, the differences are so stark in many cases that I find it hard to believe this alone explains the issue. As much as I want to be progressive, I still live in a very white town. And I don’t get out too much anymore. My only exposure to looking at black people is video, which everyone sees. Yet in absolutely no way do I think monstro looks like Harris. I actually tried to see if I could see what similarity he could have been thinking of, and I couldn’t find anything. There’s got to be something else that plays into it. Maybe a bad memory for faces? Or even (partial) prosopagnosia? Or maybe even an unawareness that someone would assume the statement was about looks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/psa-dont-tell-your-black-female-coworker-that-you-remind-her-of-the-democratic-vp-candidate/919518.md?page=4)