# Pssst! Super-Secret Confidential Absolutely-No-Newbies-Allowed Initiation Thread! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2005, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752 "2005-02-12T15:59:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/1 "2005-02-12T15:59:00Z")
With all the newbies pouring in, I figured we should actually rough out the process… we’ve had references to goats, squid, calamari, Jello, eclairs, shower caps… but what do we actually do? So, what do you think? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/2 "2005-02-12T16:01:50Z")
“September 2004?” Who you calling a newbie? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/3 "2005-02-12T16:03:26Z")
_peers at your post count_ …Heyyy! :mad: 😛 (Wha? I figured it was a good idea to plan the initiation ritual… ;)) ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/4 "2005-02-12T16:07:22Z")
I… just… don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/5 "2005-02-12T16:10:15Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > _peers at your post count_ …Heyyy! :mad: > > 😛 A little fun at your expense. Your post count is, of course, admirable. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/6 "2005-02-12T16:11:48Z")
In return, may I say how dashing and wonderful you are? 😉 _cough_ Guys, seriously! The initiation ritual! ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/7 "2005-02-12T16:16:50Z")
Give them 60 seconds to answer the following: [ul] [li]Who’s Opal and what does one say to her?[/li][li]Q the M’s real job is \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_?[/li][li]What is the caloric content of sperm?[/li][li]Is Cecil real?[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/8 "2005-02-12T16:42:28Z")
If you don’t know the secret handshake, then I won’t post here. You are still a newbie. Oh, you think you _aren’t_ a newbie? Sing the “Cecil Song”. :dubious: Tripler And if you don’t know my handler Mike Lukas, then I should just shoot you on the spot, you Commie spy. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/9 "2005-02-12T17:14:03Z")
Damn, I’m never not going to be a newbie. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/10 "2005-02-12T17:45:56Z")
The goat wears the shower cap, right? ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/11 "2005-02-12T18:01:00Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > The goat wears the shower cap, right? Yes, but not in the way you’d expect. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/12 "2005-02-12T18:03:30Z")
> [@wolfstu](#): > > Yes, but not in the way you’d expect. :eek: I missed the eclair part. I know there are goats and squid, but what ungodly thing are we doing with the eclairs? ---
**Author:** ![klintypooh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3da27b/32.png) [@klintypooh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/klintypooh)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/13 "2005-02-12T18:22:13Z")
That’s it everybody, leak all the secrets, no newbies here. 😉 I’m not here, this is all a dream. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/14 "2005-02-12T18:22:24Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > but what do we actually do? I think the point is that no one ever specifically says. Y’see, if we let them imagine what we do, it will be far far worse than if we ever just come out and say it. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/15 "2005-02-12T18:42:36Z")
Don’t forget the lapping compound. Can’t use the eclair til you’ve got the lapping compound. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/16 "2005-02-12T18:51:29Z")
I’ve always believed that bottle brushes and automated golf ball washers should play a role… ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/17 "2005-02-12T19:05:45Z")
> [@tpayne](#): > > Give them 60 seconds to answer the following: > [ul] > [li]Who’s Opal and what does one say to her?[/li][li]Q the M’s real job is \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_?[/li][li]What is the caloric content of sperm?[/li][li]Is Cecil real?[/li][/ul] 1. Hi, Opal! 2. MD in a prison 3. 2 calories and .1g of protein 4. WHO DOUBTS THE EXISTENCE OF THE MASTER? LET US FIND THESE NAYSAYERS AND BURN THEM AT THE STAKE! Do I win anything? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/18 "2005-02-12T19:51:02Z")
> [@Nunavut Boy](#): > > Do I win anything? An eclair. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/19 "2005-02-12T20:26:07Z")
Once the goat’s finished with it, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/20 "2005-02-12T21:44:48Z")
I personally wouldn’t use the word “win” in this situation. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752.md?page=2)