# Pssst! Super-Secret Confidential Absolutely-No-Newbies-Allowed Initiation Thread! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2005, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752 "2005-02-12T15:59:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/21 "2005-02-12T21:50:41Z")
> [@Nunavut Boy](#): > > 1. Hi, Opal! > 2. MD in a prison > 3. 2 calories and .1g of protein > 4. WHO DOUBTS THE EXISTENCE OF THE MASTER? LET US FIND THESE NAYSAYERS AND BURN THEM AT THE STAKE! > > Do I win anything? You didn’t answer the first portion of Question 1. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/22 "2005-02-13T02:14:06Z")
You forgot the trebuchet. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/23 "2005-02-13T02:43:40Z")
> [@Nunavut Boy](#): > > 1. Hi, Opal! > 2. MD in a prison > 3. 2 calories and .1g of protein > 4. WHO DOUBTS THE EXISTENCE OF THE MASTER? LET US FIND THESE NAYSAYERS AND BURN THEM AT THE STAKE! > > Do I win anything? A pee sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/24 "2005-02-13T05:42:51Z")
Yes, but is the goat properly shaved? ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/25 "2005-02-13T05:45:47Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > And if you don’t know my handler Mike Lukas, then I should just shoot you on the spot, you Commie spy. I miss ol’ Mike and his little bald head. ---
**Author:** ![Nahk\_Ila\_Dihahs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Nahk\_Ila\_Dihahs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nahk_Ila_Dihahs)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/26 "2005-02-13T05:51:33Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > … we’ve had references to goats, squid, calamari, Jello, eclairs, shower caps… No references to 18"DHIBJDs ??? Heck, thats why I joined the SDMB!!! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/27 "2005-02-13T13:33:04Z")
> [@Nahk Ila Dihahs](#): > > No references to 18"DHIBJDs ??? Heck, thats why I joined the SDMB!!! :mad: Somebody’s letting out his own secrets a tad early. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/28 "2005-02-13T13:39:10Z")
I’ve always been an advocate of adding a \*\*hot coffee enema \*\* to the initiation repertoire. That’ll weed out the faint-hearted… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wrenchslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/94ad74/32.png) [@Wrenchslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrenchslinger)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/29 "2005-02-13T15:21:03Z")
Wait, wait , wait, wait. You mean we **don’t** haev an initiation ritual? Then why the hell am I standing butt naked in this shallow pan of dirty water witha 1920’s style death ray pointed at my you know what? Somebody’s got some explaining to do. W ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/30 "2005-02-13T21:28:43Z")
And a Tug-ahoy. Whether they need it or not :). ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/31 "2005-02-13T22:19:21Z")
For women: pick on them mercilessly until they develp eating disorders. For men: mock their penis size until they retreat to a corner sobbing quietly while darting glances at the exits. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/32 "2005-02-13T23:23:16Z")
There must be some way to incorporate an [Australian Butt-breathing Turtle](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011116.html) . . . ---
**Author:** ![DWToml815](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DWToml815](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWToml815)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/33 "2005-02-14T00:03:16Z")
Oh great…now I have **POST COUNT ENVY**!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/34 "2005-02-14T00:30:28Z")
I thought the great thing about the initiation ritual [sub]if it actually exists, that is[/sub] is that crucual details are left carefully vague to the soon-to-be initiates. Like what is actually done with the salad tongs, for instance. Actually fleshing these things out [sub]sorry[/sub] turns ‘funny’ to ‘ick’. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/35 "2005-02-14T00:50:23Z")
> [@Wrenchslinger](#): > > Then why the hell am I standing butt naked in this shallow pan of dirty water witha 1920’s style death ray pointed at my you know what? That’s because you’re at the Britney Spears Fan Club initiation. ---
**Author:** ![jweb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@jweb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jweb)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/36 "2005-02-14T03:07:12Z")
Do we still make the newbies fight Batman? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/37 "2005-02-14T03:32:02Z")
“Batman”? Is that what we’re calling it now? Oh, in answer to your question: yes. And they have to help clean up afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752/38 "2005-02-14T03:41:01Z")
Please note newbies (we know you’ve snuck in anyway despite the title) that there is absolutely no reason [this question](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302088) was asked. It has nothing to do with your coming initiation. … nothing at all… 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pssst-super-secret-confidential-absolutely-no-newbies-allowed-initiation-thread/289752.md?page=1)