# Public Pooping Protocol **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 20, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808 "2010-10-20T18:56:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FrancisCastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b4bc9f/32.png) [@FrancisCastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrancisCastle)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/21 "2010-10-21T05:17:21Z")
I’ll go in a public bathroom, but not if someone else is in there. I wait until the last minute so I can get in and out as fast as possible. Of course there have been emergencies, and then you just do what you have to do. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BleizDu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@BleizDu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BleizDu)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/22 "2010-10-21T07:34:08Z")
Yeah yeah I know , pooping is natural, still doesn’t mean I want to hear those noises or want people to hear mine, if I can avoid it. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/23 "2010-10-21T08:09:16Z")
Since I am grossed out by the sounds and smells of others, I have no desire to be grossing anyone else out. I do everything possible to avoid public defecation, but when I must I flush, cough, pause, light matches, whatever I can. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/24 "2010-10-21T08:29:02Z")
I care about the smell and whether people wonder if I’m dropping cantaloupes into the bowl, but I can’t really help it so I just let 'er fly! If they want to stick around and listen to me practice my poop blunderbuss that’s their problem. ---
**Author:** ![Chris\_Luongo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Chris\_Luongo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chris_Luongo)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/25 "2010-10-21T12:19:02Z")
I’m sorry guys, but this is gross. I don’t poop in public restrooms unless it’s a medical emergency. Most public bathrooms are dirty, too cold, uncomfortable, not private enough, and dry paper is NOT a sufficient cleaning method in my opinion. I prefer to wake up, have a cup of coffee (which I’m doing as we speak), use the bathroom, take a hot shower, and when I leave the house I’m clean and sanitary. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/26 "2010-10-21T14:09:13Z")
Chris, you actualy poop AND THEN take a shower? That’s gross, man. The poop particles that escaped the toilet paper are all lingering down there while you let the water warm up, etc. I only poop while actually in the shower. I have a food disposal blender thing installed in my drain. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/27 "2010-10-21T16:18:40Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > I could shit on Superman’s pillow and he’d only wake up for the smell. Someone, somewhere, has to use this as a sig line. I think the cover-up cough is ridiculous. Even though my own shit smells of ambrosia, I’ll do the courtesy flush just to keep it from overwhelming the whole bathroom. I also make an effort to be as loud as possible when some douchebag is in the bathroom talking on his phone. I really want it to disturb the person on the other end so they’ll say “wait- are you in a bathroom!?!? Call me when you get out!!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/28 "2010-10-21T16:28:01Z")
Unless you have a really smelly problem, no coverup or apologies are necessary. I once had the person leaving a one-person stall whisper “sorry” as I was going in. A very well dressed refined woman who obviously knew she had the smelliest poop humanly possible. I could not even use the room right after her. I was afraid I would pass out and die from the gasses. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/29 "2010-10-21T17:43:39Z")
I have almost got over the public pooping phobia. Nevertheless, the situation described in the OP would weird me out a bit, because I personally know the guy responsible. I think that somehow makes it much worse than just hearing strangers crapping. For this reason, when pooping in public I will try to time my exit from a stall such that ideally, no-one is present, or if that is not possible, no-one is present who was also present when I made any pooping noises. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/30 "2010-10-21T19:59:50Z")
> [@congodwarf](#): > > I’m in a bathroom doing what bathrooms were designed for. The issue was settled in post #3. Jeez, folks, really? You get upset when somebody uses a bathroom as a _bathroom_? ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/31 "2010-10-21T21:35:58Z")
At my workplace, there is a bathroom on the lower level whose use is, by popular acclaimation, reserved for particularly aromatic activity. Just another good deed from the invisible hand. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/32 "2010-10-22T00:24:52Z")
Girls don’t poop. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/33 "2010-10-22T03:01:48Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Girls don’t poop. I guess that’s what makes them so mean. ---
**Author:** ![tomcar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tomcar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomcar)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/34 "2010-10-22T03:34:25Z")
You all should be ashamed of yourself for even having to poop. It is a despicable activity that only the lowest perform. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/35 "2010-10-22T04:23:59Z")
I’ve heard of being pee shy, but not poop shy. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/36 "2010-10-22T04:26:52Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Girls don’t poop. Of course they poop. It just smells like fresh-cut violets, that’s all. At least that’s what I hear. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/37 "2010-10-22T08:37:08Z")
I try to not disturb anyone, but sometime a noise is made … What i dislike most is hearing some idiot yammer away on a cellphone while i’m in there too. Make any noise but fucking hang up, and shut up! Say no to oversharing. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/38 "2010-10-22T12:18:05Z")
> [@anya\_marie](#): > > What i dislike most is hearing some idiot yammer away on a cellphone while i’m in there too. Make any noise but fucking hang up, and shut up! Say no to oversharing. These are the times I’m encouraged to make as _much_ noise as humanly possible; maybe throw in a few grunts and groans, flush a couple extra times. You know, to help let the person on the other end of the phone get the heartwarming message of “Hey! I’m calling you from the bathroom!” ---
**Author:** ![ColdPhoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@ColdPhoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColdPhoenix)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/39 "2010-10-22T12:42:31Z")
They may well not care, I’ve heard people talking on the phone while in the toilet making very loud noises! ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808/40 "2010-10-22T12:54:04Z")
Unless its a dire potty emergency, I simply refuse to poop in a public restroom (the single-occupant bathrooms are just fine, though). One of the things I most desire during defecation is _quiet_. I need to _concentrate_! And to _read_ (something, anything, that can of Lysol will do…what are its active ingredients? Oh, alkyl…cool!)! And to be left alone to do my _business_! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-pooping-protocol/557808.md?page=3)