# Public surprise military family reunions
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [July 28, 2014, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232 "2014-07-28T12:35:56Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [July 28, 2014, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/21 "2014-07-28T23:57:53Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#):
>
> Call me a misanthrope, but I bet those were the reunions that were really entertaining.
I remember one guy coming back to the deployment site in a dazed rage. I don’t know what pissed him off the most, that his wife was shacked up; that she was shacked up with not one, but two guys; that the two guys were black; or that his VW Beetle had a half-dozen bullet holes in it. He was fairly incoherent about it all. Last I heard of him was that he was planning, upon return to home port, to buy a gun and go kill them all. Good times.
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### Author:  [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2014, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/22 "2014-07-29T01:03:21Z")
My stepson did 2 tours in Iraq. He thought that it was hard enough on the kids being worried about him. If he showed up unexpectedly, it would be stressful. Coming home when he was slated to was enough. You don’t want the kids never sure when you’ll show up.
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/23 "2014-07-29T03:09:56Z")
No cite, but I remember reading a magazine article where a child psychologist advised against surprise homecomings, saying that children are happier if they’re prepared for major events and that these surprises are the kind of thing adults _think_ kids will enjoy more than kids actually enjoy them. I doubt making a parent’s homecoming a surprise adds much to the child’s happiness upon reunion, and keeping kids in the dark extends the period during which they’re going to be worried about whether mom or dad is safe. Kids in military families have to deal with a lot of change as it is, and it seems misguided to blindside them with another change even when it’s something positive.
My dad died when I was a kid (he was military, but he was killed in a non-combat accident), so I can’t help thinking of the kids whose parents _won’t_ be coming home, or those who’ll make it back okay but not for a long time. I’m getting kind of choked up thinking that there must be little kids who keep hoping that _today_ will be the special surprise day when mom or dad suddenly comes home…only to be disappointed again and again.
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### Author:  [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2014, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/24 "2014-07-29T11:25:49Z")
> [@Lamia](#):
>
> No cite, but I remember reading a magazine article where a child psychologist advised against surprise homecomings, saying that children are happier if they’re prepared for major events and that these surprises are the kind of thing adults _think_ kids will enjoy more than kids actually enjoy them. I doubt making a parent’s homecoming a surprise adds much to the child’s happiness upon reunion, and keeping kids in the dark extends the period during which they’re going to be worried about whether mom or dad is safe. Kids in military families have to deal with a lot of change as it is, and it seems misguided to blindside them with another change even when it’s something positive.
>
> My dad died when I was a kid (he was military, but he was killed in a non-combat accident), so I can’t help thinking of the kids whose parents _won’t_ be coming home, or those who’ll make it back okay but not for a long time. I’m getting kind of choked up thinking that there must be little kids who keep hoping that _today_ will be the special surprise day when mom or dad suddenly comes home…only to be disappointed again and again.
These, and especially the second one, are really good reasons not to have a surprise reunion. In fact, in my own experience, there is often enough uncertainty as to the expected return date that I couldn’t give a return date for Airman with any real confidence until he was actually on the plane, and even then, it was a little dicey. I didn’t even tell the sprog that Daddy was coming home until I knew for sure. I didn’t want a chronically disappointed child on my hands, hoping that today is the day that Daddy will pick him up from school instead of Mommy.
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### Author:  [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2014, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/25 "2014-07-29T14:51:05Z")
I hate these videos. They’re supposed to make us feel good, but they’re cynical as hell. I keep thinking, “Of course these kids are crying–they have missed their mom or dad, probably been scared shitless that mom or dad isn’t going to come home alive; and all of this suffering is for NO GOOD REASON.”
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### Author:  [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2014, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/26 "2014-07-29T15:36:25Z")
I surprised my daughter (not even from deployment, just from a _course_). She collapsed into silent sobs after whispering “Momma?”
I thought I broke her. Never again
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### Author:  [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2014, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/27 "2014-07-29T17:38:07Z")
> [@Lamia](#):
>
> No cite, but I remember reading a magazine article where a child psychologist advised against surprise homecomings, saying that children are happier if they’re prepared for major events and that these surprises are the kind of thing adults _think_ kids will enjoy more than kids actually enjoy them. I doubt making a parent’s homecoming a surprise adds much to the child’s happiness upon reunion, and keeping kids in the dark extends the period during which they’re going to be worried about whether mom or dad is safe. Kids in military families have to deal with a lot of change as it is, and it seems misguided to blindside them with another change even when it’s something positive.
Possibly this article [Alayna Adams reunion: Surprise homecomings are dramatic, heartwarming, and probably insensitive to kids.](http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/05/17/alayna_adams_reunion_surprise_homecomings_are_dramatic_heartwarming_and.html)
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### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2014, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/28 "2014-07-29T19:53:31Z")
It’s not just the surprise visit (or end of tour return) from deployed soldiers - I’m just burning out on the whole ‘I can appreciate soldiers more than you!’ thing that’s started.
I can’t go to a fucking baseball game without clapping for some service people beforehand who are down on the field, something or other in the middle of the 3rd where the camera points out a bunch of people in uniform in the crowd, and then something during the 7th inning stretch.
And it’s such a fucking jerkoff! Thanks for your service! We’re still fucking over the VA, because nobody considers dicking you over on healthcare a test of patriotism!
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### Author:  [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)
#### Post date: [July 30, 2014, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/29 "2014-07-30T02:28:53Z")
Yeah, I’m not a fan of these either. My first thought when I see them is that if I had been away for two years, I wouldn’t dick around with setting up a surprise visit…I’d want to see my wife and kids the minute that fucking plane landed.
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### Author:  [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)
#### Post date: [July 30, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/30 "2014-07-30T13:29:27Z")
> [@bup](#):
>
> It’s not just the surprise visit (or end of tour return) from deployed soldiers - I’m just burning out on the whole ‘I can appreciate soldiers more than you!’ thing that’s started.
>
> I can’t go to a fucking baseball game without clapping for some service people beforehand who are down on the field, something or other in the middle of the 3rd where the camera points out a bunch of people in uniform in the crowd, and then something during the 7th inning stretch.
>
> And it’s such a fucking jerkoff! Thanks for your service! We’re still fucking over the VA, because nobody considers dicking you over on healthcare a test of patriotism!
Amen! It’s one thing to try to outdo each other on how much we adore our wonderful troops, it’s another to get our politicians to do right by them. Let’s keep our promises to them, give them tuition assistance, moving expenses, health insurance, etc. If the VA system isn’t serving them well, give them an insurance card and let them go where they want. Agree or disagree with the wars, but when they come back from harm’s way let’s not stiff them financially.
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### Author:  [@MostlyUseless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyUseless)
#### Post date: [July 30, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/31 "2014-07-30T14:17:11Z")
Anything that can be done can be overdone, but pitting? meh.
Former Navy brat.
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### Author:  [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)
#### Post date: [July 30, 2014, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/32 "2014-07-30T16:17:03Z")
People need to understand that the military is pulled from the same pool of people as the folks working at the mall or teaching at a university. There is just as much of a “look at me! Look at me!” mentality in the military as there is anywhere else. Everybody wants their 15 minutes.
I just retired and deployed 5 times during my career and I can tell you, I find the public reunion megaproductions to be tacky as hell, as does the avg troop. Are these people not able to surprise their families at home or in some other setting? The only reason to do it at a baseball game or at your kids elementary school are so that they can get a few minutes of shine and have a bunch of people applaud them. Then videotaping it and sending it to the local news or youtube or whatever. Bah. It’s very narcissistic.
And don’t get me started on the douches that wear their uniforms on Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy and the Price is Right… It’s bad enough when it’s some amped up E-2 but when some O4 or O5 does it… LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!
Cubsfan - retired O4.
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### Author:  [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)
#### Post date: [July 30, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/33 "2014-07-30T19:34:57Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#):
>
> And don’t get me started on the douches that wear their uniforms on Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy and the Price is Right… It’s bad enough when it’s some amped up E-2 but when some O4 or O5 does it… LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!
I don’t know about the other two, but wearing your uniform on The Price Is Right is a surefire way to get picked. They’d be stupid not to do it.
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### Author:  [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)
#### Post date: [July 30, 2014, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/34 "2014-07-30T21:08:49Z")
Perhaps I’m simply jealous, but my dad spent half my childhood out on a ship somewhere, and I don’t remember any commercials welcoming him home. I _think_ I remember one “Welcome Home, Navy” commercial since the current ass-kissing of the military has begun, but I might be wrong.
–Navy brat
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### Author:  [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)
#### Post date: [July 31, 2014, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/35 "2014-07-31T01:55:48Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#):
>
> We live in a Reality Show world. If you let it bug you, be prepared to be bugged a lot.
This kind of public display of intensely private moments does go back quite a long time. This audio story on This American Life (transcript here [http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/428/transcript](http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/428/transcript)) has clips from “This is Your Life” episodes from the 1950s, featuring a Holocaust survivor reunited with a friend from the camps, and with her brother, and a meeting between the Hiroshima Maidens [Hiroshima Maidens - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiroshima_Maidens) and the copilot of the Enola Gay.
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### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [July 31, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/36 "2014-07-31T15:27:44Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#):
>
> LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!
>
> Cubsfan - retired O4.
Will everyone in this thread join me in saluting and weeping for **Cubsfan** ’s service while we watch the video for _[Beer with Jesus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dphMriny1Js)_?
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### Author:  [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)
#### Post date: [July 31, 2014, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/37 "2014-07-31T16:42:06Z")
Don’t call me a hero sir. I was just doing my job.
(Cue Lee Greenwood)
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### Author:  [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)
#### Post date: [August 1, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/38 "2014-08-01T20:46:06Z")
Totally pit-worthy.
These disgusting displays are all about the parent showing off.
I saw one where the kid was at a dentist appointment to get a cavity filled, when “surprise!,” the “dentist” whipped off his mask and was his dad. Poor kid was completely confused and after he half-figured out what was going on, started sobbing. An exploitative local TV station was there filming the whole time.
What happens after dad’s next tour when he gets shot and never comes back? The kid will never be sure whether it’s a hoax or not, always thinking his dad might hop out of a cake on his birthday or that the bus driver will turn around and say “it’s me, dad!”
Attention whores at their worst.
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### Author:  [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2014, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/39 "2014-08-02T13:36:06Z")
Well, attention whores is pretty much why “news” on television exists.
And why it shouldn’t.
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### Author:  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2014, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-surprise-military-family-reunions/694232/40 "2014-08-04T03:32:22Z")
The Budweiser “soldier’s homecoming parade” Superbowl ad was completely fake. The soldier was real, but they filmed it miles away from where he actually lives. Winter Park (FL) is basically a tony suburb of Orlando (it’s where our “old money” lives, such as it is) but they filmed him walking into a _barn_.
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