# Public vs. private school - Is this a crazy way to decide? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 21, 2004, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320 "2004-10-21T01:30:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/21 "2004-10-21T17:39:02Z")
Personal experience/bias - when I was in fifth grade, my parents & I looked around for somewhere that would be great academically. And the school that was chosen was a private school with a great reputation that claimed to have high academic standards, only let in kids with the appropriate background, would push limits, etc. They lied. Or were deluded, but I tend to think that no one could be that clueless, and given the number of other things they lied about, I’m pretty sure they were just flat out deceitful. (Strangely enough, it was a catholic school). And actually, the public schools in the district were much better; they had higher standards, the structure to deal with kids of multiple ability levels, and gave better and broader instruction than this place did (and they were free!). But that was hard to tell until after I had started and my parents had paid (non-refundable) for the full year. So, before putting the money out there, talk to as many parents and students you can from all of your son’s school options. Find out what really happens; find out if “[doing] structured or unstructured sports every day after school” is a line in the brochure - or a reality (if only 3 kids are there for the unstructured sports, is that really worth it for your son?). Find out about the coaches and trainers of the structured sports, what their goals are, the depth of their programs, etc. Get all the information you can. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/22 "2004-10-21T17:52:06Z")
> [@Rysler](#): > > **smartini** , I wish you were my mommy. > > In my reasonably good public school experience (ended up with a semester of college credit, provided free by the state of NC), we had a lot of gym classes and intermural sports. I loved playing basketball and tennis in class. Even though I didn’t “make the team,” it was easy to stay active and have fun. I was also involved a lot of non-school athletics in 5th grade, like a local softball league and horseback riding. > > If there’s a good public school available (and it sounds like there is), then a private school should be a last resort due to learning disability or behavioral issue. > > From this study: > [http://www.educationnext.org/20012/46greene.html](http://www.educationnext.org/20012/46greene.html) That same study showed some notable score and satisfaction differences favoring the privates. The key thing is that private schools concentrated their resources on things the parents at that school valued. Therefore, I think there was some self-selection going on. Parents choose schools that meet their needs. Parents who needed learning-disabled programs are probably going to choose a school which has one. I might further conjecture that parents who needed special programs probably stayed put at their public school and didn’t take advantage of the choice. Or, if they did take advantage, I can’t imagine they’d choose a school that didn’t offer the sort of program their student needed. Here’s more from that article “…choice parents reported fewer children with learning disabilities (4 percent) than public-school parents (13 percent) reported… The higher share of learning disabled children in public schools also may be evidence of mere parental choice. Parents of children with special needs are more likely to choose schools that have the funds to offer special programs.” If my son doesn’t need ESL classes, then it’s immaterial to me that my son’s school doesn’t offer it, and I’m not going to think its a poorer school for it. In fact, I might selfishly be pleased that those resources are being spent on things he does care about. Which is what gets us back to the last sentence in your quoted paragraph. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/23 "2004-10-21T18:03:28Z")
I don’t think that’s a crazy way to decide. My son is at a private school because I like the way the place \feels.\ I can go on, if pressed, about its great programs and what he’s learning, but when it came down to it we felt good about the environment of the place. Plenty of reasons to choose it, but it really came down to something really squishy and emotional. I don’t know how the public and private differ, in your area, in their approach to after school activities, so I can’t comment. Go with your gut. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/24 "2004-10-21T18:38:56Z")
Where does the kid want to go? He’s old enough to have an opinion about things. FWIW, I think that public schools are generally a better bet. Most of the kids I know who went to some of the nations best private schools have ended up burnt out from the academic pressure, disillusioned with their overly competative peers and not-that-happy with their high school experience. They had a hard time ajusting to the academic independence, diversity, and general “largeness” of college. I went to a crap public high school, and while I didn’t get the best academic education (which I made up with through reading, extra-cirrucular programs and very enthusiastic parents) I think the exposure to diversity and the resourcefulness I learned was far worth the price. You really do learn something important by being around such a wide variety of people. Even in my totally gutted skid row high school, the extra-cirriculars were amazing, and I was active in several clubs. I know they had Varsity, Jr. Varsity and a few more casual sports programs. This is all anecdotal- especially considering that most kids from my public school didn’t make it to Unviersity. But those that did were excellent students, as compared to the legions of frusterated, lost and failing private school students I personally know. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/25 "2004-10-21T20:47:59Z")
While I was in elementary school I was in a jock school system. We’re talking a school district so devoted to sports that students who didn’t want to play recess games of kickball or softball were harassed, not just by other students but by the teachers as well. If the taunts had been on the basis of get some exercise, it’s good for you, I’d be willing to forgive 'em, but even from the effing teachers it was a case ‘Don’t be a loser, come play.’ And of course if one flubbed a play guess who was first with the criticism? So I know just how humiliating it can be to be a non-jock in a jock school system. Because of that, and some other problems, my parents chose to get me out of the public school system for junior high school on. I was given a choice of four schools that I could go to, and it was my choice, which in retrospect is astonishing. Not so much for my parents to have given me that choice, but that they trusted me to make that choice. I’m embarrassed to admit that the two major factors that made up my mind for me were that the school I chose had the best food, and one of the more relaxed dress codes. (I did NOT want to go to a catholic school that required a jacket and tie every day.) However, Fenn, the school I chose, did have one major drawback, in my opinion. Every student was required, each and every season, to go out for one of the school’s sports teams. And Fenn had a tradition of being a very competitive and winning athletic school. I was not looking forward to that, but all the schools I had a choice of were going to be expecting some kind of effort on my part for sports, so I really didn’t feel it was much of a choice. So, lo and behold I showed up for the first day of school, nervous and dreading the after school practice for football. (Yes, I was given a choice of three sports there, too - Football, soccer or track. Anyone who knows me knows that track was right out. Soccer I’d had too many negative experiences with, it was the sport of choice in the school system I’d just left. So, in spite of all the horror stories about football and football parents football it was.) I can’t say I enjoyed the practice. I’m not athletic and never have, nor never will be. But it wasn’t the Hell I was expecting either. Upperclassmen helped me learn to do proper stretches; the practice was just that, a practice to help build skills, not a joust where those whose skills or abilities were sub par were mocked. I don’t know when I started to enjoy football. It may not have been til the next year, even. But I came to like playing, and more than that, I loved playing with the team I was playing with. My classmates didn’t expect me to be a superman on the field. As long as each of us gave our all, we were accepted for doing our best. I’ve heard people since, say that you can’t have a winning tradition without the coaches being jerks and assholes, a la the Bobby Knight model. It’s pure bunk. Our school never got into that. I know from personal experience. For winter season I went for wrestling, and I loved it. Mind you as a wrestler, I stunk on toast. I used to have a perfect record, even - all pins. For the other teams. But I was a member of the team, and a valued one, too. And when I managed to get good enough to keep from getting pinned straight out, I got great cheers from my teammates and the families that came to watch our matches. The day I finally won a match, the gym shook from the cheering. And in spite of my handing 6 points to the other team every match we had, our team still won most of the matches we went to. The other teams at the school were also very good, usually winning most of their games as well. I can’t recall records after 20 years, but I know that much. So, I can see the truth to a lot of the arguments for school sports. They can help build community and self-respect among students. They can teach students how to be part of a larger whole. But, that’s not what happens automatically. What I want to point out, is that the attitude that a school takes vis-a-vis their sports is at least as important as the number or breadth being offered. If this school offers more of what you and your child want - try it. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/26 "2004-10-21T21:05:42Z")
I’m curious if you’re talking more socializing than sports. DOes he have friends now? What he do with them? Is it just a matter that the friends he usually plays with are more interested in computer/tv/etc and not sports, and therefore, you want to get him into an enviroment where he can meet more people with a wider variety of interests, such as sports and outside activities? If that’s the case, and you trust the school’s academic record, then I vote go for it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/27 "2004-10-22T00:28:58Z")
I attended several schools, including a private school with a strong academic and sports program. Sport everyday of the week helped me develop as a well rounded person, and in the following decades has greatly enriched my life. A school without sports is no better than a school without math or English etc. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/28 "2004-10-22T01:59:26Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > They had a hard time ajusting to the academic independence, diversity, and general “largeness” of college. My high school was larger than my college. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/29 "2004-10-22T02:01:09Z")
Thanks for all the great responses; I’ve already gotten a lot out of this. I’ll try to respond to as many of the above replies as I can tonight, especially the specific questions. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/30 "2004-10-22T02:03:18Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > when I was a kid all I wanted to do was take more art classes?good art classes. That’s what gave me some small measure of self-esteem. I’d like to think that if my parents had the money and they had a choice between a public school with minimal (and not very useful to me) art classes, and a private school that had very good art classes, that they’d have put me in the private school. Because it would have been better for me, and would have helped me feel better about myself. Good point. I agree. Helps me put this in perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/31 "2004-10-22T02:06:30Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Just make sure that if you do decide to send your kid to a private school that you check their credentials very carefully… Yikes, what a horror story. Fortunately that’s not the case here. We know the school in question very well. Our friends’ kids and our kids’ friends have gone there for years. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/32 "2004-10-22T02:11:08Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > What do you mean he doesn’t have the opportunity to play with other kids in the parks or streets? Is there some reason they _can’t_ play in the parks or streets, or is it just that they choose not to? It really sounds as though he has the opportunity and always has, he’s just never taken advantage of it. He just doesn’t ; it doesn’t exist here. I don’t know why it doesn’t happen, my guess is that the parents are overly cautious. But it just doesn’t happen. I’m not sure why you think he’s had the opportunity. If you’re ever in my neck of the woods give me a call and I’ll take you for a tour of the neighborhood on a nice weekday between 3:30 and 6 PM. You’ll see what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/33 "2004-10-22T02:14:20Z")
> [@MaddyStrut](#): > > I’m not sure what you mean by your unstructured sports comments either. Do you mean there are few unstructured sports opportunities so you’d like your kid to have the chance to play on school teams? I’m trying to say that there is ONE opportunity for unstructured sports that I know of. It consists of attending this school and being there every day after school. There is no shortage of structured sports here. I like the rest of your post. I’m coming around to this way of thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/34 "2004-10-22T02:24:18Z")
> [@Bad News Baboon](#): > > How does your son feel about changing schools? > > Could you clarify this: > > “…and on the other hand that if current trends continue, it’s money that we’d never need anyway.” > > Is this in reference to your son making it big in sports or something else? If it’s the former, I hope he (you) isn’t under the illusion that the NBA is around the corner… Who knows? Maybe it is, but it’s pretty rare. He’d love to go to the private school. He has friends there already (from structured sports in the neighborhood, of all things!) and I personally think he’s more compatible with them than he is with his buddies in his present school. About the money thing. I’m trying to avoid specifics because I think the thread could get highjacked with comments like “That’s too much money for sports” or “With your income don’t worry about it.” Suffice it to say: I’m a workaholic; Ms. Plan B and I do not have expensive tastes; we’re upper middle class; I work in a field where I can work until I’m senile; I enjoy my work. So if these trends continue the tuition money comes out of the inheritance. And BTW the school is expensive. I think I also mentioned that this boy is not going to the NBA or NFL except as a paying customer. No delusions there. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/35 "2004-10-22T02:26:49Z")
> [@smartini](#): > > “If she really loves it you need to do it. It is cheaper than drug rehab and a whole more fun way to spend your money.” I join the chorus of compliments. I love the above line. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/36 "2004-10-22T02:30:58Z")
> [@Red Stilettos](#): > > I have to agree with **AndrewT** on this. I feel very strongly that the most important part of school (pre-college, that is) is the social structure. I attended an inner-city public school and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I learned how to deal with all kinds of people and backgrounds. I know I could have learned more facts and figures during school, but instead I learned how to make good, strong, moral choices because I’d seen people do it right and I’d seen people royally blow it. You’re probably right but that’s not a risk we’d take. It’s either an elitist public school or an elitist private school. Can’t risk sending the kids to mediocre school academically. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/37 "2004-10-22T02:32:47Z")
> [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](#): > > I don’t think that’s a crazy way to decide. > > My son is at a private school because I like the way the place \feels.\ I can go on, if pressed, about its great programs and what he’s learning, but when it came down to it we felt good about the environment of the place. Plenty of reasons to choose it, but it really came down to something really squishy and emotional. > > I don’t know how the public and private differ, in your area, in their approach to after school activities, so I can’t comment. Go with your gut. I’m starting to think I will. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/38 "2004-10-22T02:36:57Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > While I was in elementary school I was in a jock school system… What a great story! ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/39 "2004-10-22T02:40:43Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > I’m curious if you’re talking more socializing than sports. DOes he have friends now? What he do with them? Is it just a matter that the friends he usually plays with are more interested in computer/tv/etc and not sports, and therefore, you want to get him into an enviroment where he can meet more people with a wider variety of interests, such as sports and outside activities? > > If that’s the case, and you trust the school’s academic record, then I vote go for it. He is one of the most likeable, outgoing, socially adaptable people I’ve ever met. As I mentioned in one of my recent responses he knows kids who are jocks, he just doesn’t get to play informaly two on two basketball with very often. I should also mention that this past summer we sent him to a camp which is all sports all day, sort of like ESPN. He loved it. ---
**Author:** ![smartini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@smartini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smartini)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320/40 "2004-10-22T15:53:30Z")
> [@Rysler](#): > > **smartini** , I wish you were my mommy. 🙂 **Rysler** , don’t mind **Red Stilletos** , there’s always room for one more at the table. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/public-vs-private-school-is-this-a-crazy-way-to-decide/270320.md?page=3)