# Pun Phun **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202 "2005-07-12T16:40:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/41 "2005-07-15T14:53:38Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > For **Trunk** ’s, I thought it was a play on > > Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten > > No? Huh! Never heard of that one before. And considering I volunteered at a no-kill cat shelter, I must have been masturbating like a mother-fuck, to no good effect! ---
**Author:** ![splain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@splain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/splain)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/42 "2005-07-15T17:17:21Z")
> [@Daithi Lacha](#): > > One man’s Mead is another man’s Persian! Are you Shah? Sultanly! ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Evil\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_One)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/43 "2005-07-15T18:11:54Z")
True story: I was typing at a word processor when someone asked me to get a ruler out of the drawer in front of me. The exchange went like this: Him: “Hey! Gimme a ruler” Me: (while still typing) “King of Spain!” Him: &\*)&%@! * * * What do you call the science of archery? Aerodynamics * * * What do you call a butler with false teeth? An endentured servant BWA-HA-HA! ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/44 "2005-07-15T18:38:57Z")
> [@DogMom](#): > > A newspaper had a pun-contest, and one guy sent in ten of 'em, on the theory that if he sent in a bunch, at least _one_ would have to win, right? > > However, no pun in ten did. :smack: Ouch! I _literally_ slapped my forehead on this! ## As revenge I submit these three: Did you hear about the taxi driver who drove cab for 20 years and had nothing to chauffeur it? * * * Why does a Frenchman always only have one egg for breakfast? It is un oeuf! * * * What do you get when you cross 50 male deer with 50 female pigs? A hundred sows and bucks! So there! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/45 "2005-07-15T19:52:01Z")
Nitpick on that second one, **Nature’s Call**. The punchline sounds better (IMHO) as, “Because in France, one egg is un oeuf!” YMMV ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/46 "2005-07-16T03:19:43Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > Nitpick on that second one, **Nature’s Call**. The punchline sounds better (IMHO) as, “Because in France, one egg is un oeuf!” YMMV You’re right. My repertoire has been updated. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/47 "2005-07-16T03:54:20Z")
Two Eskimos went kayaking one winter to hunt up some seals for oil and skins. It was, as it tends to be in Alaska, quite cold. One Eskimo brought some small sticks and made a small fire on the bow of his kayak. The whole thing caught aflame and he sank and died, while the other was fine. “Silly,” he mused. “Didn’t he know you can’t have your kayak and heat it too?” ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/48 "2005-07-16T16:31:53Z")
How could I have forgotten my two favourites: Why can’t a bicycle stand up? It’s two-tired. She critisized my apartment so I knocked her flat. Damn, those’re funny! Few more: Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. I was looking at the calendar and realized my days are numbered. The reading of a will is a dead giveaway. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg… until she broke it off. I called out to my friend after he jumped off of a bridge in Paris, “What, are you in Seine?” Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you Abm. Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you seen the mall. * * * I kill me ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/49 "2005-07-16T17:23:49Z")
“…and I’ll show you Abm.” What language is the last word in? ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/50 "2005-07-16T22:54:34Z")
You have only yourselves to blame for this. A king decides to build the most magnificent palace the world has ever seen. He gets submissions from architects the world over who want to design the building. He finally chooses a design for a 2 story glass palace. When it’s finished he moves himself and his court into the new palace. Of course, he brings along his old throne. He announces that he’s so proud of his new palace that he will open it to daily tours for the public. A rich subject visits and decides that he was so impressed he wants to send the king a gift that will go on display and add to the general magnificence. He has a huge, ornate golden throne built and shipped to the palace. When the king sees it he decides that this is the only throne he’ll ever use from now on. Being thrifty however, he has the old throne moved to a storage room upstairs. It’s a massive piece of furniture and it’s weight causes the whole structure to collapse and shatter. The moral: People who live in glass houses should not stow thrones. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/51 "2005-07-17T04:41:53Z")
> [@fishbicycle](#): > > “…and I’ll show you Abm.” > > What language is the last word in? Sorry, it stands for “A-Flat Minor” Hardee har har! ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/52 "2005-07-17T05:18:23Z")
Oh! I see it now. Imagine, I’ve been playing music for 43 years and have never seen it written like that. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202/53 "2005-07-17T07:40:16Z")
These ought to be recorded for posterior, er… anyhow, seen on a tee-shirt: Invertebrate punster, spinelessly unable to resist a pun. So slug me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pun-phun/312202.md?page=2)