# Punchlines Only, Please **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [May 26, 2011, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272 "2011-05-26T12:46:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/1 "2011-05-26T12:46:43Z")
“If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t need the talcum powder!” ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/2 "2011-05-26T13:06:31Z")
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/3 "2011-05-26T13:10:43Z")
There. Now he can’t sleep, but you can. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/4 "2011-05-26T13:11:37Z")
If this is my thermometer, then where is my fountain pen? ---
**Author:** ![KennerTheGreat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a8b319/32.png) [@KennerTheGreat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KennerTheGreat)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/5 "2011-05-26T13:16:25Z")
Twenty bucks. The same as in town. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/6 "2011-05-26T13:19:38Z")
DiMaggio? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/7 "2011-05-26T13:21:52Z")
You don’t get an erection when you peel an apple. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/8 "2011-05-26T13:27:47Z")
9…8…7… ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/9 "2011-05-26T13:29:28Z")
With the grace of God and the help of these two thumbs, I think I got everything back where it belongs. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/10 "2011-05-26T13:48:59Z")
How he got into my pajamas, I’ll never know! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/11 "2011-05-26T13:51:40Z")
Turn the bar stools upside down. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/12 "2011-05-26T13:52:49Z")
"That’s not a bacon tree… … It’s a Ham Bush!" ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/13 "2011-05-26T13:53:55Z")
You can’t load a truck with bowling balls using a pitchfork ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/14 "2011-05-26T13:58:12Z")
He said “Fuck him. Give him a dollar.” Breakfast was my idea, though. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/15 "2011-05-26T13:59:29Z")
You can’t hear a vitamin. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/16 "2011-05-26T14:02:21Z")
“Hell, time ain’t nothin’ to a pig.” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/17 "2011-05-26T14:05:11Z")
So would I; mine’s as big as a house. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/18 "2011-05-26T14:07:39Z")
Once I caught my breath, I called him Precious. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/19 "2011-05-26T14:27:02Z")
And if it wasn’t for that horse, I never would have made it through college. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/20 "2011-05-26T14:34:57Z")
Is there going to be a linked thread with the jokes. 'Cause my recognition count is at: yes/5, no/11, and maybe/3. And in honor of that: The room was silent. “I guess some people just can’t tell a joke.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272.md?page=2)