# Punchlines Only, Please **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [May 26, 2011, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272 "2011-05-26T12:46:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/101 "2011-05-27T05:50:32Z")
“So the duck says to the nun, ‘No thanks. I’ll do it myself’” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/102 "2011-05-27T11:42:20Z")
What is this - some kind of joke? ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/103 "2011-05-27T12:06:33Z")
And he pushes the Mexican out of the plane. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/104 "2011-05-27T13:09:26Z")
What do you mean ‘we,’ keemo sabe? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/105 "2011-05-27T13:26:44Z")
“He’s not so tough. Just watch how he squirms when I drop his nuts in the hot sand.” ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/106 "2011-05-27T13:33:22Z")
Wrecked 'em? It nearly killed 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/107 "2011-05-27T14:20:31Z")
“Take my wife, please.” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/108 "2011-05-27T15:45:01Z")
Uh-uh. There’s no way I’m gargling after her ass has been in it. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/109 "2011-05-27T16:07:20Z")
It read, ‘Shorty’s Truck Stop, Chattanooga, Tennessee!’ ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/110 "2011-05-27T16:09:13Z")
“Cut the rope.” “They threatened to start releasing them one by one.” “He gets taller.” “One’s a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is just a fish.” “To keep their foreskins from crawling up over their faces.” You call him, “Your Honor.” ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/111 "2011-05-27T16:13:00Z")
The last thing I saw was that poor monkey trying to get the cork back in. But you said to take the penguins to the zoo and I had some money left over. Only one, and it’s not funny! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/112 "2011-05-27T16:16:02Z")
A good start. Professional courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/113 "2011-05-27T16:19:09Z")
Every day it’s two all beef Pattys, Special Ross, Lester G pickin his bunions on a Sesame Street Bus! That dog’s not so shaggy. And that’s why it’s important to know a second language. Then the train hit them. Boss. He didn’t have the guts. Tea time. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/114 "2011-05-27T16:19:19Z")
You don’t eat a pig like that all at once. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/115 "2011-05-27T16:27:04Z")
Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?” Somebody’s stolen our tent! I’ll hold your monkey for you. There’s a weasel chomping on my privates! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/116 "2011-05-27T16:38:44Z")
Aren’t you a little old to believe in witches? It just goes to show you don’t fuck with the Lone Ranger. You’re thore? I won’t be able to thit down for dayth! Just wanted to let you know you left your engine running. Admit it, you don’t come out here for the hunting. Think how I feel. I’ll be walking back alone. I had to. It was all one lump. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/117 "2011-05-27T17:25:39Z")
So the six other dwarves start chanting: “Dopey fuuuucked a penguin ! Dopey fuuuucked a penguin !” I didn’t say she was mad ! I said she was fucking Goofy ! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/118 "2011-05-27T17:29:45Z")
I can’t tell you, you’re not a monk. Better Nate than lever. A tachyon walks into a bar. The _setup_ is "The bartender says ‘We don’t serve your sort in here’ " The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides. ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/119 "2011-05-27T17:30:34Z")
8 lbs 20" ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/120 "2011-05-27T18:54:02Z")
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