# Punchlines Only, Please **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [May 26, 2011, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272 "2011-05-26T12:46:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/121 "2011-05-27T20:12:47Z")
I won’t dance with you for three reasons. First, Sir, you are drunk. Second, this is not a waltz, it’s the Paraguayan National Anthem. And third, I am not a vision in red, but rather the Papal Nuncio. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/122 "2011-05-27T20:17:44Z")
Alright, death – death by snoo-snoo. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/123 "2011-05-27T20:55:18Z")
Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, “It says sprocket not socket!” ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/124 "2011-05-27T20:58:56Z")
“It says celeBRATE!” ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/125 "2011-05-27T22:29:02Z")
“Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!” ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/126 "2011-05-27T22:39:33Z")
Walk him and pitch to the rhino. ---
**Author:** ![sniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@sniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sniz)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/127 "2011-05-27T23:40:48Z")
Cancer ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/128 "2011-05-27T23:56:54Z")
Lupus ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/129 "2011-05-28T00:09:50Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Lupus “It’s NEVER Lupus!” ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/130 "2011-05-28T01:00:06Z")
She and I BOTH got fired! ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/131 "2011-05-28T01:21:58Z")
We named the DOG Indiana! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/132 "2011-05-28T20:42:59Z")
Och, the O’Brian twins are drunk again. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/133 "2011-05-28T23:27:37Z")
I have to lay you our Jack off. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2011, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/134 "2011-05-29T03:16:36Z")
And then she says “Those aren’t buoys!” ---
**Author:** ![brocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@brocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brocks)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/135 "2011-05-30T14:09:33Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > So would I; mine’s as big as a house. Corollary: “I only said it once… once… once…” ---
**Author:** ![enomaj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/136 "2011-05-30T16:32:18Z")
I know. That’s why I poisoned you. Nothing. Neither one’ll do dick. I did but I fell asleep and when I woke up I was in a biker’s mustache. Go back! It’s a blow job! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/137 "2011-05-30T17:46:09Z")
“Won’t matter none. Just gonna be the two of us anyway.” “Oh, no,” the penguin said, blushing. “This is just ice cream.” “Eh, it was all right. But you’ll never guess who I had lunch with!” “Are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?” “We’ve had plenty of Popes up here, but he’s the first lawyer.” ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/138 "2011-05-30T23:49:06Z")
We have removed the Arsenal shirt to save the family from embarrassment ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/139 "2011-05-31T00:47:01Z")
Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272/140 "2011-05-31T00:56:08Z")
“If another engine conks out, it could be hours before we get there!” Her son’s dick tastes different. “Not so fast there, Jenkins!” “It’s all about the money with you Jews, isn’t it?” Because there are twenty of them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-only-please/583272.md?page=8)