# Punchlines to Dirty Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 24, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762 "2006-03-24T18:57:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/41 "2006-03-26T21:11:16Z")
“I want to gargle before Mary sticks her ass in there!” ---
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/42 "2006-03-26T21:12:39Z")
Just as I was posting this one, thought of another “50 cents and a candy bar!” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/43 "2006-03-26T21:32:48Z")
One of my dad’s (and he’s so respectable too!): “Why Betty? Because she has Parkinson’s Disease.” ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/44 "2006-03-26T21:37:27Z")
“Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.” and “Bue booties.” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/45 "2006-03-26T22:20:42Z")
“I don’t think I could stand sixty-seven more of those!” In fact, one of the _Police Squad_ shows or one of the _Naked Gun_ movies has Frank Drebin going undercover as a stand-up comedian, and he starts off with the cheesy old “Sign said _LAs Vegas Left_, so I turned around and drove home” lines, and the audience slowly warms up, then they cut to another scene for a while, and come back to Drebin later in the night just as he utters this punchline (and of course all the conservative retirees in the audience are wetting themselves laughing). > [@1920s Style "Death Ray"](#): > > Actually, I was going to post that punch line. I often hear people say, to friends, “why do you ask, two dogs?”, after the friend has asked a question. > > There is also a hardware store in Australia called Home Hardware. They have two dogs as mascots and often have the phrase “two dogs” in their advertising. I can only think that they are referencing the joke. There also used to be (maybe still is) “TWO DOGS” alcoholic lemonade. I seem to recall the promoters being quite open about the origin of the name (which suited their young male demographic). ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/46 "2006-03-28T14:42:16Z")
“ **I’m** Cherry Hill.” “Block that kick! Block that kick!” ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/47 "2006-03-28T14:43:46Z")
Oh… there’s one naughty punchline so famous that Richard Pryor made it the title of an album: “And it’s deep, too.” ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/48 "2006-03-28T19:46:59Z")
“Great! I’ll keep an eye out for you!” ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/49 "2006-03-28T19:59:10Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > “All right! Bring on that girl with the abcessed tooth!” > > Regards, > Shodan The way I’ve heard that joke is, “alright, now where’s this virgin I’m supposed to kill?” ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/50 "2006-03-28T20:00:28Z")
“…and the third condition is, you have to give a week to come up with the money.” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/51 "2006-03-28T20:33:02Z")
> [@bup](#): > > The way I’ve heard that joke is, “alright, now where’s this virgin I’m supposed to kill?” or, “Okay, where’s this Injun woman I’m supposed to wrassle?” ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/52 "2006-03-29T01:56:00Z")
“Do you want three or four lanes?” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/53 "2006-03-29T05:37:29Z")
“So that men will talk to them” ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/54 "2006-03-29T06:24:11Z")
“Next time let me take the pantyhose off.” ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/55 "2006-03-29T06:25:17Z")
“Four years of college and he still can’t spell” ---
**Author:** ![Wnabtokio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Wnabtokio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wnabtokio)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/56 "2006-03-29T16:53:28Z")
> [@Sgt Schwartz](#): > > “That’s a big word for a nine year old” :eek: I love that joke! Even though it makes me feel really bad every time I tell it… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Available\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@Available\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Available_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/57 "2006-03-30T04:28:00Z")
“what do you mean, ‘wrong hole’?” ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/58 "2006-03-30T05:29:40Z")
“Look, I agreed to the blow job but I’m not swallowing seamen.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/59 "2006-03-30T06:16:15Z")
“Hey, Harry–grease the cat!” “What the 'ell did you expect, mate–purple feathers?” ---
**Author:** ![audiobottle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@audiobottle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audiobottle)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/60 "2006-03-30T13:24:10Z")
“Are you crazy? You might get pregnant!” Also, it’s killing me that I have no idea what jokes these are. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762.md?page=4)