# Punchlines to Dirty Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 24, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762 "2006-03-24T18:57:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Barely\_Adequate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/58956e/32.png) [@Barely\_Adequate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barely_Adequate)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/61 "2006-03-30T13:55:38Z")
“Well… I rang that doorbell, didn’t I?” ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/62 "2006-03-30T14:43:21Z")
You only get laid once. . . . by your mother. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/63 "2006-03-30T14:45:30Z")
One more. “I think your stance is too wide.” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/64 "2006-03-30T14:52:31Z")
“I’m not fucking with anyone who can drink that much beer!” ---
**Author:** ![homeskillet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7ba0ec/32.png) [@homeskillet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/homeskillet)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/65 "2006-03-30T16:45:42Z")
> [@beergeek279](#): > > “I want to gargle before Mary sticks her ass in there!” HA! That’s one of my favorites, that and the deliciously evil: **How do you think _I_ feel? I have to walk out of here _alone_!** :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/66 "2006-03-30T18:30:06Z")
“So would I, Sir, but I don’t think there’s room in my ass for another baked potato!” ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/67 "2006-03-31T04:18:35Z")
Now watch, because it’s the last time I’m going to show you. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/68 "2006-03-31T07:35:28Z")
“Just thought ya might wanna open yer beers first.” “I don’t know if my ass can fit another one.” “Oh, big enough to fit a camel.” “I don’t know, but my ass hurts like hell!” “Good! Now take the golf club out of your mouth and try it again.” “Mine does!” “Then all three of them tried to get into her at the same time and she split right up the middle.” “My sin is that I’m a terrible gossip, and I can’t wait to get off this train!” ---
**Author:** ![hlanelee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@hlanelee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hlanelee)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/69 "2006-03-31T08:13:01Z")
That’s the son of a bitch that ran over my frog! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/70 "2006-03-31T11:47:46Z")
Just teach it to cook, and then you can fuck off! ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/71 "2006-03-31T11:59:03Z")
Little old lady: “I’ll give it a go young man, just as long as you don’t slap me around the way you did with that crocodile!” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/72 "2006-03-31T13:48:47Z")
“Jeez Padre, He must have seen you coming!” “I bit her on the neck and she farted and flew out the window.” ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/73 "2006-04-01T14:46:08Z")
“Harry Truman, 1945!!” Tripler It’s from a Wolfman Jack joke. . . ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/74 "2006-04-01T16:14:21Z")
…and the gorilla looks long and hard at the just-sliced stick of salami on the bar… and he puts his thumb and forefinger into a circle and puts it over his eye. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/75 "2006-04-04T16:36:23Z")
‘Don’t matter. Jus’ gonna be you and me there, anyway." “Her son’s dick tastes different.” “That’s good, because I was just coming upstairs to kill you.” “Because we were discussing your Christmas bonus and my husband told me, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/76 "2006-04-04T16:37:57Z")
> [@Sgt Schwartz](#): > > “That’s a big word for a nine year old” :eek: Never heard that one. What’s the joke? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/77 "2006-04-25T02:48:20Z")
> [@Elendil's Heir](#): > > Never heard that one. What’s the joke? I warn you, this is crass. This is the tamest version I could find. :eek: [Spoiler]A guy and a girl are having sex, and the girl says, “Don’t you think it was presumptuous of you to think you could sleep with me on the first date?” The man replies, “Don’t you think ‘presumptuous’ is a big word for a second-grader?”[/Spoiler] Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/78 "2006-04-25T05:41:32Z")
“The 2 guys holding down old Joe. He don’t go for that shit either” “You didn’t see the rest of it: Little Rock, Arkansas, Grand National championship 1995!” “I can do it, but you don’t have to poke me in the eye!” “I think I may be able to save you 5 grand” “I couldn’t stop. It was all in one long string” “One slip of the tongue and you’re up to your neck in shit” “You’re going to puke? Goddamn it! That’s what the last guy did!” So he picked her up and threw her in the water & said “There! Now you’re fucked!” ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/79 "2006-04-25T09:57:58Z")
Sarah: “Ajar”. ---
**Author:** ![Boulter\_s\_Canary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Boulter\_s\_Canary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boulter_s_Canary)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-dirty-jokes/349762/80 "2006-04-25T10:03:37Z")
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