# Punchlines to Vulcan jokes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 15, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487 "2003-08-15T23:36:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/21 "2003-08-16T16:13:39Z")
Why do Vulcans have pointed ears? So they can count to twelve. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/22 "2003-08-16T17:21:59Z")
The river of time has universal egress. [musical sting] Thank you, thank you, I’m here all season. Be sure to check out our lunch buffet. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/23 "2003-08-16T17:58:27Z")
“I’ll bet subcommander T’Pol was surprised.” “Not as surprised as the Romulan with a portable compact cloaking device.” (Arched eyebrow.) ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/24 "2003-08-16T18:00:59Z")
A human comes to a Vulcan and tries to tell him a ‘knock, knock’ joke, and this occurs: Knock, knock! Enter. No, you’re supposed to say “Who’s there?” Why? I admit all visitors, unless I am otherwise occupied. Hospitality is an ancient and honored Vulcan custom. It’s a joke! Try again, and say “Who’s there?” Very well. Proceed. Knock, knock! Who is there? Banana. You may enter, Banana. NO! You say “Banana who?” Why? I know no one named ‘Banana’. To continue interrogating my visitor without meeting him would be both pointless and impolite. Just… do… it. Knock, knock! Who is there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Enter. Why did you do THAT? You implied that a different visitor had arrived. Why would Banana have knocked again, once I responded? It’s a JOKE! Just try again… knock, knock! Who is there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock! Who is there this time? Banana. I repeat, Banana who? Knock, knock? I begin to question the wisdom of becoming involved in this exercise, but… who is there? Orange. Enter. I thought I told you not to say “Enter”! You clearly identified yourself as a different visitor. Am I to perform the same peculiar ritual with all visitors? Look, let’s just finish it. You say “Orange who?” and I say “Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘Banana’?” I will say that I am, if this performance will then cease. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/25 "2003-08-16T18:57:50Z")
“Do Vulcans _ever_ have fun?” “At regular intervals.” – from _[Spock vs Q](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0671045830/qid=1061060707/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_2/104-2270292-8122366?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)_. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/26 "2003-08-16T19:22:26Z")
> [@](#): > > What is the difference between a human and a steaming garbage heap? > > You can get used to the smell of the garbage. And 75 IQ points… ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/27 "2003-08-16T20:22:27Z")
No doubt, the dual meaning of “bill” is meant to be the source of the humor in your story. But I find a host of inaccuracies, not the least of which is that ducks do not talk. And they have no source of income, so what sensible shopkeeper would extend a line of credit? Finally, ducks have no reason to acquire lip balm – they do not, as you say, “chap.” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/28 "2003-08-16T20:40:23Z")
Hey, Spock! Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? I am not certain of the answer. If you prefer, I can research it in the computer’s databanks and prepare a comprehensive report for tomorrow’s 08:00 briefing. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/29 "2003-08-16T21:48:04Z")
**Vlad Dracul** : LOL! ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/30 "2003-08-17T02:43:30Z")
I have started the inquiry to determine who procured my nocturnal garments, altered their composition enough to allow them to be worn by a pachyderm, and clothed the aforementioned elephant in said garments. However, the probablity of my obtaining the necessary knowledge required to determine the circumstances surrounding this particular incident appears to be remote, at best. ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2003, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/31 "2003-08-17T04:59:59Z")
Pardon me, but others on the scene have reported that the small domestic feline, not the pachyderm, was clothed in your nocturnal garments, and furthermore they report that you were in pursuit of the feline while waving a manual sweeping device. The question as to how the feline became enclothed in your nocturnal garments dictates an answer that, I fear, will never be understood. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/32 "2003-08-18T11:06:09Z")
… sorry to bump, just had to add my favourite… If Mr Spock has pointed ears, what does Scotty have? - - - - - - - - - - - ENGINEARS!!! ---
**Author:** ![jinty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dbc845/32.png) [@jinty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jinty)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/33 "2003-08-18T12:24:44Z")
And because his translator device isn’t working, instead of “I come in peace” he says “First person singular colloquial orgasm in Caledonian sandwich”. (With apologies to Iain M Banks) ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/34 "2003-08-18T13:28:00Z")
“Then the bartender replies, ‘Not if you utilize the rules of three-valued logic.’” ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/35 "2003-08-18T17:11:04Z")
And the Vulcan stayed up with the farmer’s daughter all night helping her learn to control her emotions. And that’s why Klingon’s now have ridges in their heads. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487/36 "2003-08-18T18:13:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elf6c \* > **And the Vulcan stayed up with the farmer’s daughter all night helping her learn to control her emotions.** Heh heh heh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/punchlines-to-vulcan-jokes/195487.md?page=1)