# Purity Balls **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 16, 2007, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189 "2007-03-16T13:19:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/81 "2007-04-08T23:46:04Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] **Cartooniverse** , I’m calling you out. How dare you be rational and grown-up and shit like that? 😃 [/quote] No worries, it doesn’t last long. 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/82 "2007-04-09T01:10:42Z")
> [@](#): > > A tenet of the abstinence movement is that having lovers before marriage often leads to divorce. I can’t possibly believe this statistic.. 1. You don’t understand sexuality. Then you get in to a sexual relationship, and you may or may not discover it’s right for you, you have a high probability (seeing as how it’s your first experience) of it NOT being right for you, and you becoming unhappy, and leaving. 2)… you know what, shit. I just read what I wrote, connected it back to the first paragraph, and threw up a little in my mouth. why? I bet it DOES have lower divorce rates. 1. These women have been sexually and socially repressed. They have no support structure to go to if they are emotionally unhappy, so they suffer quietly 2. They have no basis for comparison, they’ll simply have a much higher possibility of ending up in the “sex because husband says so, I hate it” camp, that limits one of the most incredible parts of the human experience, and denies them the sexual and emotional connection they should make with a spouse. 3. They’ve been exposed so little to the idea of a romantic life, and had it idealized in marriage so much, that no matter what happens, they’ll just assume it’s like that for everybody, and do nothing. What particularly sickens me is that this is EXACTLY the sort of mind set abusers of all stripes (physical, emotional, child, adulterers) WANT their wives to have. This is exactly the sort of mindset stupid, powerhungry, egotistical males who want a slave not a wife. The kind of sick twisted people who know that they can do anything because they’ve managed to find somebody so sheltered she has no idea what she should even be looking out for. I’ve met women who are going this direction and will end up in these sorts of relationships, and shook my head sadly, tried to convince them that there are better paths and haven’t been able to. Man, those men are truly sick if that’s what they want. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/83 "2007-04-09T04:36:06Z")
Well **featherlou** I am sure my parents understand that sex is more complicated than the speech they gave me, but I think it is hard to go into that with a 10 or 11 year old. Explaining that sex can be dangerous and that really the best way to protect yourself is to wait is probably a lot easier to understand and less squicky than trying to explain the physical and emotional stuff you go through when you are having sex with someone to a child who has never seen or experienced sex in any way. Now that I am an adult and my virginity is long gone the more complicated version makes more sense but it isn’t really something I need explained anymore. I have a feeling there are lots of things like that in life though. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/84 "2007-04-09T20:29:38Z")
My husband’s cousin got married last year, and we went. I heard from her sister that that was their first kiss, up there on the altar. I find this beyond weird. And I haven’t met anyone else (including everyone in SpouseO’s immediate family) that doesn’t find this beyond weird either. It’s just _strange_, is what it is. Weird. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/85 "2007-04-09T20:36:27Z")
[QUOTE=Snickers] My husband’s cousin got married last year, and we went. I heard from her sister that that was their first kiss, up there on the altar. I find this beyond weird. And I haven’t met anyone else (including everyone in SpouseO’s immediate family) that doesn’t find this beyond weird either. It’s just _strange_, is what it is. Weird. [/QUOTE] This is weird and painfully sad. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/86 "2007-04-24T21:50:43Z")
I had to resurrect this thread because Dr. Phil has Purity Ball proponents on today. OHMYGOD is it creepy. Dr. Phil asked what the dad would do if the daughter said she had a kiss before her wedding day. He said he’d move in closer and ask them, “what are you looking for? What is this all about?” Eeeeew. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/87 "2007-04-24T22:04:49Z")
I caught that segment on Dr. Phil today…Randy Wilson and his two daughters just creeped me out! One daughter (sixteen year old, maybe?) said how wonderful it was to be held by her father all night and thanked him for holding her…brrrlllllhhhhggghh! I just shivered again. Bleah! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/88 "2007-04-24T22:13:55Z")
[QUOTE=Hazle Weatherfield] I caught that segment on Dr. Phil today…Randy Wilson and his two daughters just creeped me out! One daughter (sixteen year old, maybe?) said how wonderful it was to be held by her father all night and thanked him for holding her…brrrlllllhhhhggghh! I just shivered again. Bleah! [/QUOTE] I know! Icked me right the fuck out. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/89 "2007-04-24T22:16:43Z")
Darn, if I’d known earlier I would’ve taped it. Too late now. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/90 "2007-04-24T22:23:12Z")
[QUOTE=Flutterby] Darn, if I’d known earlier I would’ve taped it. Too late now. [/QUOTE] They re-run him at night. Maybe after Letterman? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/91 "2007-04-24T22:25:55Z")
I have no idea. I’ll check the listings (been awhile since I watched Dr Phil heh). I see there’s a summary on Phil’s website though (figured it didn’t hurt to check). [Here](http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/889), click on the one about Purity Balls. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/92 "2007-04-24T22:44:53Z")
[jerk] Tasha, I vote for getting your daughter pregnant or giving her AIDS. Same goes for the rest of you that think your child’s sex life is none of your business. [/jerk] I can’t believe that anyone with a child would think this is creepy. True, it’s a double standard. That means we should apply the same thing to our boys, not take it off our girls! My (hypothetical) daughter’s not allowed to date until I’m dead. Why are you all assuming that the parents aren’t educating their daughters about sex? I’m pretty sure that the fathers who care about their daughters enough to take them to a ball like this certainly care enough to talk to them too. Why in God’s name is incest coming to mind when you see this? Have you never been to a wedding and seen the father/daughter dance? They’re dancing, not fucking. It’s sweet, not gross. “too young to understand it”?! They’re 11, not retarded! How old do you want them to be before you start teaching them they’re not going to get pregnant on your watch? Someone explain to me how teaching young girls to be abstinent is a bad thing for anyone except young boys. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/93 "2007-04-24T22:49:45Z")
> [@the article](#): > > The majority of the girls here are, as purity ball guidelines suggest, “just old enough…[to] have begun menstruating….” But a couple dozen fathers have also brought girls under 10. “This evening is more about spending time with her than her purity at this point,” says one seven-year-old’s dad, a trifle sheepishly. The event is seemingly innocent—not once do I hear “sex” or “virgin” cross anyone’s lips. Still, every one of the girls here, even the four-year-old, will sign that purity covenant. My daughter is 11. The thought of her having a serious boyfriend in a handful of years makes me a little sad, and while I used to joke about shotguns and such, I do know that it is inevitable. But to try to rook her into making some pledge about something she doesn’t or can’t understand is just WRONG. I love my little girl, and I’m eager to see the woman she will become, because I think she’s going to be an amazing adult. I do not own her hoo ha. I don’t control her hoo ha. I don’t even control her mind, which tells her about her hoo ha. Bleh. This whole thing makes me ill. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/94 "2007-04-24T22:53:45Z")
[QUOTE=IntelSoldier] [jerk] Tasha, I vote for getting your daughter pregnant or giving her AIDS. Same goes for the rest of you that think your child’s sex life is none of your business. [/jerk] I can’t believe that anyone with a child would think this is creepy. True, it’s a double standard. That means we should apply the same thing to our boys, not take it off our girls! My (hypothetical) daughter’s not allowed to date until I’m dead. Why are you all assuming that the parents aren’t educating their daughters about sex? I’m pretty sure that the fathers who care about their daughters enough to take them to a ball like this certainly care enough to talk to them too. Why in God’s name is incest coming to mind when you see this? Have you never been to a wedding and seen the father/daughter dance? They’re dancing, not fucking. It’s sweet, not gross. “too young to understand it”?! They’re 11, not retarded! How old do you want them to be before you start teaching them they’re not going to get pregnant on your watch? Someone explain to me how teaching young girls to be abstinent is a bad thing for anyone except young boys. [/QUOTE] The hugging, the gazing into each other’s eyes while they profess their love for each other isn’t creepy? The swords raised over the daughters’ heads in all their phallic glory isn’t creepy? Depositing white roses at the foot of the cross isn’t creepy? It’s one thing to teach sex education and another thing to be the keeper of your daughter’s virginity. At some point you need to trust your child to conduct their life the best way they know how. Making them think it’s impure to kiss a boy is creepy. The father also had a comment about the married daughter who never had a kiss until the altar. He let the audience know that his daughter’s sex life is fantastic. Shudder! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/95 "2007-04-24T22:57:45Z")
I serve official notice that I am of this moment claiming full and total rights to the use of _Purity Balls_ and any and all altered spellings of same including but nto limited to _Balz_, _Bawls_, or _Bolls_ for use as a drag name. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/96 "2007-04-24T23:04:13Z")
[QUOTE=IntelSoldier] [jerk] Tasha, I vote for getting your daughter pregnant or giving her AIDS. Same goes for the rest of you that think your child’s sex life is none of your business. [/jerk] I can’t believe that anyone with a child would think this is creepy. True, it’s a double standard. That means we should apply the same thing to our boys, not take it off our girls! My (hypothetical) daughter’s not allowed to date until I’m dead. Why are you all assuming that the parents aren’t educating their daughters about sex? I’m pretty sure that the fathers who care about their daughters enough to take them to a ball like this certainly care enough to talk to them too. Why in God’s name is incest coming to mind when you see this? Have you never been to a wedding and seen the father/daughter dance? They’re dancing, not fucking. It’s sweet, not gross. “too young to understand it”?! They’re 11, not retarded! How old do you want them to be before you start teaching them they’re not going to get pregnant on your watch? Someone explain to me how teaching young girls to be abstinent is a bad thing for anyone except young boys. [/QUOTE] You don’t seem to understand the whole abstinence movement. These kids are not taught about birth control or protecting themselves against STDs - they aren’t going to have sex so they don’t need to know about that! The problem with teaching abstinence is that IT DOESN’T WORK. I have no problem with teaching abstinence; but I also want the kids to have a basic knowledge of birth control and protection to back it up. And the father-daughter dance at a wedding is an entirely different thing. For one fairly obvious difference, the MOTHER of the bride is usually invited to the wedding; it’s not a bunch of grown men and little girls. You see it as “care”; unfortunately a lot of us see it as control. And I may have missed it, but I don’t think a single parent who has posted in this thread has said that their child’s sex life is “none of their business”. You may have twisted something someone posted to read it that way, but I really don’t think that is what was meant. Not making your daughter promise to save her virginity until she gets married does not equal “none of my business”. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/97 "2007-04-24T23:42:36Z")
[QUOTE=IntelSoldier] \I can’t believe that anyone with a child would think this is creepy. True, it’s a double standard. That means we should apply the same thing to our boys, not take it off our girls! My (hypothetical) daughter’s not allowed to date until I’m dead.\ “too young to understand it”?! They’re 11, not retarded! How old do you want them to be before you start teaching them they’re not going to get pregnant on your watch? Someone explain to me how teaching young girls to be abstinent is a bad thing for anyone except young boys. [/QUOTE] How long do you think this abstinence should last? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/98 "2007-04-25T00:12:19Z")
Moving thread from IMHO to Great Debates. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2007, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/99 "2007-04-25T00:56:03Z")
[QUOTE=stolichnaya] Men don’t mind if girls are slutty. They mind if _their girls_ are slutty. Generally they want their boys to get some ass. Your daughter gettin’ it on means foreign material coming into your line. Your son gettin’ it on means your DNA is going far and wide. [/QUOTE] au contraire, a daughter that gets pregnant just means one more mouth to feed. A son who gets a girl pregnant means that you have to feed the baby, the girl, the girl’s mom and dad, a whole circus of leeches. My daughter can go and mess around all she wants. My boy I will watch until he gets a well-paying job ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2007, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189/100 "2007-04-25T02:35:12Z")
I had suggested that when my daughter was 12 she should go to live with the nuns at New Skete. In fairness to me, it was primarily about the [cheesecake](http://www.newskete.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=1&cat=Cheesecakes) . Those nuns make some bitchin’ cheesecake. I don’t think they’re better than sex, although they are better with sex, which is almost the same thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/purity-balls/396189.md?page=6)